When I come here on good days, it seems to bring me down a bit. I've been keeping a journal on my triggers and what makes me want to act like the desperate doormat that she wants me to be. Seems like my good days can be shifted by my presence here. Not sure if I just need to stay away on good days and let the healing take place or if you guys have any creative suggestions that could keep me on track? As much support as I get here, I often feel obligated to share the wealth. So many here that need it and I'm happy to help when I can.
[This message edited by No12turn2 at 10:11 AM, May 20th (Tuesday)]
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
And regardless, I always learn something on SI. It seems to have the right thing at the right moment. Even if it's crazy things to laugh my heart out. Better my heart go that way than the other.
So you'll know one way or another.
I think it's normal. I think eventually you either graduate the emotional need for SI and leave the nest or you switch more to the supportive "been there done that" role and help shepard others that could use a hand.
Don't come on your good days if it drags you down right now we understand and that doesn't make you selfish. It makes you someone deep in the throes of healing. Come when you know you can handle it, when you won't trigger like crazy or when you are feeling blue and need a good shoulder or two or (40k plus shoulders).
And giving back is definitely part of the healing process for me, and now that my D is final, hopefully I can help people just starting in D/S.
I had a few months of feeling strong enough to go into JFO, but for now, it's way too triggery for me.. Maybe one day I will feel strong enough for that again..
But some days it's better to just not post and not even look. When you are trying to support others, you can very easily project your own experiences into your responses and not be all that helpful or telling them what they really need to hear..
But I also just happen to like the people here, so when I'm not in the mood for triggers, they have this great forum called Fun & Games down at the bottom
So, don't worry about it, and just feel better. There will come a day when you can help others without detriment to yourself. You're a good person for even wanting to try!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous