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User Topic: Does it make you feel better when your WS wasnt the only one?
heartbroken2012
♀ Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw a friend at work. Her husband works in the same dept as my WH. She told me that her husband told her that all of his co workers told him about my WH and the OW. and apparently they told him that the OW was known around the dept as a WHORE. They told him that she has slept with my WH, but mentioned several other men as well. Apparently she gets around. My friend's husband also mentioned that the members of the univ football team went by her and was grabbing her breast etc (these are college students). He also told my friend that the OW seemed...not all there...and not very intelligent. Weird.

Now the OW told my WH that she had only been with 5 men her whole life, and never had an A before.

I heard rumors from someone else close to me that witnessed her give lap dances to several men co-workers before.

SOOOOOO

My question is - do you feel better knowing that the AP didnt just go for your WS? They werent the only one?

I dont know how I feel about it. I dont know whether to tell my WH about this or not, because I BELIEVE he still thinks of her as a decent human being that just thought he was exceptional and "just happened".


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2013
nomadlady
♀ Member
Member # 41090
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From my experiences and from what I've read here, I've realized it's almost too ridiculously easy to "seduce" a weak married man (I'm sure it's the same with a weak married woman). The OW doesn't have to look good. The OW doesn't have to be anything special really. She just has to keep telling the guy how wonderful he is, how he deserves better, how his wife doesn't appreciate him, blah, blah, blah. Follow that up with "I've never done this before" and "I've never felt this way."

My WS ignored all the clues (though, in his defense, I did too--OW and her BS were our "friends") that she was an empty, sociopathic ho-bag who actually liked being reduced to a sex object because she had nothing else to offer.

He was convinced that he was the bad guy who had taken advantage of a poor lonely woman in a sad marriage who had fallen helplessly in love with him. It was all his fault that she had had her FIRST A ever. Oh, and because it was both their first and only A ever, a condom clearly wasn't necessary. Based on new things we've since learned, it's clear that she's been passed around quite a bit by lots of other men, none of whom stay interested for long. It's also become clear that she's twenty shades of crazy.

This knowledge made me feel better because the blinders finally came off my WS. He realized she was no victim and was every bit to blame as he was. He also realized that her behavior towards him prior to the A was so clearly a setup. It was almost painful to watch him realize what a patsy he had been. He sees her clearly now for the dangerous animal that she is.

What doesn't make me feel better is that I'm married to someone dumb enough to fall for such an obvious act. I mean, really? Sometimes the sheer stupidity pisses me off more than the infidelity itself.

[This message edited by nomadlady at 2:06 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]


DDay: 2013
In R

Posts: 79 | Registered: Oct 2013
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont know whether to tell my WH about this or not, because I BELIEVE he still thinks of her as a decent human being that just thought he was exceptional and "just happened".
He probably wouldn't believe it.

My question is - do you feel better knowing that the AP didnt just go for your WS? They werent the only one?
Heartbroken2012, there were MANY other men who paid the slunt. He sure was not the only one, but he was such a dunderhead that he believed he was her special guy, and she was only seeing him.

What doesn't make me feel better is that I'm married to someone dumb enough to fall for such an obvious act. I mean, really? Sometimes the sheer stupidity pisses me off more than the infidelity itself.
Nomadlady, I wrestle with this a lot. In my case, the OW was a bona fide prostitute who presented herself as a Damsel in Distress, who just happened to have oodles of financial problems, so my KISA WH just felt he had to help her out 2 to 3 times a money, thought could make a difference, and gee, he got laid too, and lap danced, and blown, and f*cked and gee, how great was that--she thanked him so prettily because it was always a loan and she said she didn't think she could pay him back (in money) but she could offer him her body. My WH is a dunce and a simpleton. Not a good combination. He *seems* to wise up now, but really, who knows?!


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 358 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting question. When I told the BS of OW2 he said it was her third. So, I wonder why she's in the authoritative position she's in at her job.
It was simply two people using each other - it wasn't his first either.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4906 | Registered: Dec 2010
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case, my WS was the whore going after multiple men.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do you feel better knowing that the AP didnt just go for your WS? They werent the only one?

Yes. It makes me feel even better knowing that she cheated on him. When he learned of this he ended the A.

Really, the NERVE of MOW to cheat on him!


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
BreatheAgain10
♀ Member
Member # 32657
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my sitch, yes... And no.

Yes, because my then- dumb fWH had his ego hurt by her "cheating" on him

But also No, because his then- dumb motherf*cking (my fWH called himself this recently) self used NO PROTECTION and thus essentially had sloppy dirty whore sex with her AND all of her Internet "johns"... Then brought that shit home to me!


By God's blessing we've survived, but the scars are still tender to the touch.
BW: Me 34yrs FWH: 29yrs
Latest D-Day 04/29/2010
Together: 12yrs Married: 10yrs
DS:16yrs DS:9yrs. DS:Due 6/25/14
Main D-Day that hurts is #4 4/29/10
OW=Yuck!

Posts: 263 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Sunny So. Cal.
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's clear that she's been passed around quite a bit by lots of other men,

OW was XH's CW. Alot of our friends worked w/the 2 of them. She worked her way thru quite a few of the dudes at work. How XH missed out on her being a whore is beyond me.

It makes me feel better that XH threw away everything for the biggest slut at work. But, at the same time, it makes me feel worse for that exact reason.

I would laugh my ass off if I knew for certain that OW cheated on him. I'm sure he'd be outraged.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do wish the OW was a slut, even a little bit. Unfortunately I got saddled with a virgin who apparently needed to test her sexuality out with my husband.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes and no.

Yes because I know that my H wasnít the only one to fall for her BS. It felt much less personal to KNOW that she was just a whore who would go after anyone with a wedding ring, and knowing that he was not special to her. I wonít lie, I obsess about her very little because of that. He was a notch in her bedpost, and that is it. Sheís not out there thinking about MY H. It made her easier to blame (I have to live with H- I don't live with her and can hate her longer).

At the same time, it made me feel worse as far as being worried about STIís. I guess that is a concern anyway, but to KNOW how many other guys she was screwing around with at the same time made me feel really gross. Additionally, I am less able to relate to or understand exactly how my H could be so stupid, or why he would choose to throw our marriage down the drain for someone who he didnít even matter to.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What doesn't make me feel better is that I'm married to someone dumb enough to fall for such an obvious act. I mean, really? Sometimes the sheer stupidity pisses me off more than the infidelity itself.

This hits home for me. cOW had quite the reputation at work. Even MIL warned WH to stay away from cOW as she was trouble. Truthfully I think WH heard that and ran right toward her for that very reason. It makes me so angry that he was so very very stupid. She was obvious. It was textbook. She was the HS slut handing out BJ's to multiple boys at every party. She was the company slut having multiple A's before and after my WH. He was in denial during the A and thought he was in love with her. He was shocked when I was had a different answer for every stupid lie and BS story should used against him.

Your sick is soooo big. Somehow she got this into her head and kept saying it to him even though she had no clue.

Um,idiot. As she had no clue she was OBVIOUSLY saying anything she could think of to feed his ego. Ugh. That one still pisses me off so bad as it is such am obvious ploy.

So it just makes me mad. As if an A is not bad enough, but picking the town slut that has been exposed to who knows what shit, and the idiot was never even concerned enough to use protection....how could I ever be proud to be married to someone that is/was so obviously dumb?

(Sorry having a tough time right now)


Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 997 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The howorker was and apparently is looking for a life other than her own and wanted a man who would treat her as wonderful as you were treated. Only problem was neither were what they expected. She was a shallow idiot ho and he was a financial and emotional mess. They both got played and both destroyed my family.

I told her back that I felt like she had done this before and would again. A low paying whore looking in the management pool for a better lifestyle don't stop when the first one doesn't work out. And it's rampant in the office he worked in.


Posts: 2172 | Registered: Mar 2011
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently here, but IMO, How many other guys she slept with is just irrelevant. It strikes me as you trying desperately to minimize what he did, even if it means having to reach toward the OW's character as a means to do it. This is a form of bargaining on your part. The character that you need to remain fully focused on is not her character, but the character of the person who betrayed you.

[This message edited by nomistakeaboutit at 11:20 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 944 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH told me OW liked married men - he was not her first A with a married man, and they were not "exclusive". Although, he did lead HER to believe that she was his first and only A. I'm sure it never occurred to her that he was 'unfaithful' to her. He didn't care if she was having sex with other people. He didn't care about her at all.

I suppose I am glad it was never luurve. She was a "mistress" - just something on the side. Although, it makes me angry at his absolute stupidity. That he knew she was promiscuous and he didn't care to use protection is so horrifying. On one level it makes me feel better, on another level it really doesn't.

I would love to burst her bubble and let her know that my WH was online dating and seeing prostitutes and going to massage parlours - AND having sex with me EVERY DAY - that she was just one more "experience". I think it would devastate her little fantasy that she has a magical vagina.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
2oldforthis
♀ Member
Member # 19825
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What doesn't make me feel better is that I'm married to someone dumb enough to fall for such an obvious act. I mean, really? Sometimes the sheer stupidity pisses me off more than the infidelity itself.

This hits home for me. cOW had quite the reputation at work. Even MIL warned WH to stay away from cOW as she was trouble. Truthfully I think WH heard that and ran right toward her for that very reason. It makes me so angry that he was so very very stupid. She was obvious. It was textbook. She was the HS slut handing out BJ's to multiple boys at every party. She was the company slut having multiple A's before and after my WH. He was in denial during the A and thought he was in love with her. He was shocked when I was had a different answer for every stupid lie and BS story should used against him

I totally agree with the statements above. That was my WS also. I think it is important to let them know the truth about the OP. They need to realize the truth about how they (OP) lied and manipulated them. That doesn't make them less responsible that makes them naÔve and stupid. You have to know what it was that let you do something like this in order not to fall for that again.

My WS was lied to, he was manipulated by the OP. However, he also lied to himself about the OP, he bought into her lies. He needs to realize that and so much more.

He also became the liar and the manipulator, to me and to his family.

Yes, I also find the stupidity pisses me off much more that the infidelity.


He did not see what he had in me, what I saw in him I did not have!

Love kills slowly.


Posts: 1645 | Registered: Jun 2008
Topic Posts: 15

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