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Newest Member: AmIDreaming41 (45703)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I hate being here, but...
20Hopeful16
♀ Member
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I am finally ready. I can't wait any longer. Telling myself its a mid-life crisis (which it is). I deserve better. I am hoping to make it official as painlessly as possible. But I can't even make it through a conversation about divorce without crying.


Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi 20Hopeful16,

I totally get not being able to have that conversation. It is very hard. But that shouldn't stop you from doing what you have to do to be safe and heal.

Write a letter. STBX and I never actually had the D conversation. I wrote her an email stating what I required to feel safe (NC, openness, etc), and I wrote right there if she couldn't provide this it wouldn't be a trial separation, like she wanted, but a Divorce. I also gave her a hardcopy. She complained that "it wasn't romantic enough" and said "let's just be friends".

I moved out a day or two later, while she wasn't home, without telling her. I'm sure she was angry. She probably still is. She filed first, but I had told her a specific date when I was going to file, so I guess it doesn't matter who filed.

However you do it, take care of your own self. Don't worry about him or what he says or does. Separate mentally - he already did.

(((20Hopeful16)))


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 761 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((20Hopeful16))))

I'm so sorry. It will get better. One foot in front of the other.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I blamed a midlife crisis for 3 years...hoping one day he would wake up and choose me over the white trash he worked with.

It never happened...the man I married has been dead for years and this new man is someone I definitely no longer want to spend the rest of my new life with.

You do deserve better!!!

Time only makes it easier!!! ((((20))))


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A lot of that crying might be fear. Just take it one step at a time.

Going to those free lawyer consultations definitely gave me some power back and some perspective, so I would suggest that if you haven't yet.. Fear of the unknown is very paralyzing, but when you start breaking it down into pieces, it becomes more manageable.

Protect yourself and those kiddos..

Sending lots of hugs..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2630 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
20Hopeful16
♀ Member
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the support. I am talking to a friend who is an attorney later this week. We have been divorced all but legally for months. He's living with the home wrecking whore since September 2013. But he keeps hoovering and trying to cake-eat. And I keep justifying why I let him. Now it stops, and I move on.


Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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