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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What do I do while I wait for karma to get him?
FoolishMom
♀ New Member
Member # 36914
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really struggling lately! I keep telling myself that my STBXWH will get what is coming to him one day, but secretly I'm so jealous of the fact that he has moved on (in what seems like such a seamless way) with his life.
I'm lonely all the time. I was so used to being a couple. 11 years in this relationship...since I was 17, and now I'm single. I don't know what I'm doing.
He's got this relationship with OW that has been on-going for 2 years. They are sooo in luv I just can't stand how he's moved on with his life and I'm just stuck here, being a single mom to my two little DD's, while they play family and she gets the "instant" mom title she's been dreaming of.
What on earth can I do while I wait for karma to strike and even this up? I'm just really hurting over this right now.
BTW I know that even though they will probably appear happy for as long as they are a couple (no...I don't think they will last), and it is possible that they are actually miserable or regret the poor choices they have made, it doesn't really help me right now. I want to see him being miserable. I wish I could see him hurt the way I have. His A has damaged me beyond belief.
Maybe I'm just triggering badly because I found a note yesterday that she wrote to him about how much she loves him. I hate that he has someone to talk to and share with, while my IRL people have probably grown sick of hearing about it. I want a connection like that again. I want someone who will love me.
AAAHHH!! I wish he was as miserable as me right now! He doesn't deserve to be happy. I do!


Me (BS): 29, Him (WH): 28
OW: Coworker
Married 6 years
Kids: 3 yo DD, 9 mo old DD
DDay#1: July 2012-I denied it for a while
DDay#2: Dec 2012 (same OW)-I stayed cuz he got me pregnant
DDay#3: Sept 2013 (same OW)-Divorcing

Posts: 42 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Midwest
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right--you are the one who deserves to be happy! But happy does not equal in a relationship as you now know. In your case, let the loneliness in and use it to focus on yourself. You spent most of your coming of age in the relationship with your ex--you need and deserve time to find your own way. You will thank yourself for investing this time in yourself. Whereas he isn't building up any skills or self-knowledge, just seeking an escape. You're better than that. Think of being single not as a failure but as an opportunity.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4173 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's hard, but try to stop thinking about him and start focusing on YOU! Follow the 180, it's not just for when you are married, it works really well when you are D. That's what I did.

I was with my XWH for 26 years, from age 19 - so I was in the same boat as you except I didn't have young children - mine were both over 21 when this all went down.

After spending all of my adult life as 1/2 of a couple, I had no idea who I really was as an individual. So I explored that. I also dated some people who were wrong for me. I spent time alone and in IC trying to build myself back up.

Now, 10 years later, I have a pretty wonderful life and I just don't really care about the X, unless it affects my children and grandchildren. I'm way to busy enjoying MY life to worry about whether karma has come to visit him.

Sending strength and peace.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7692 | Registered: Aug 2005
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It took 33 years for Karma to get me. 33 years!!! That's a long time to wait, but I bet my XH is still smiling 18 months later. Be patient. It will come. I can guarantee it. Look after yourself, it will happen!!!

Posts: 1188 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the others. Get yourself a life! You are only 28! Do you know how many people would love to be that young again?

I know it doesn't make your hurt less. I know this has been traumatic for you. He will get his. It's going to take some time because he weasels out of accountability. At some point he will have left himself few options and it will hit but he's going to have to burn a few more bridge before he feels the pinch. Maybe by the time it happens you'll just chuckle about it and go on with your fabulous day.

Go do something you love or go try something new. Go out with friends or go for a walk alone. Get out there and start living your life, they way you want to live it. Do the things you want to do and do what makes you happy. When you aren't sure of what to do, pamper yourself a little. Depending on your $ situation, get a massage, or maybe a manicure. Buy yourself an ice cream cone or get a bag of thick rich cookies and eat them quietly at home. If $ is an issue, dress up, do your hair and makeup and go window shopping. Whatever you would enjoy.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
twillett333
♀ Member
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are the same age and I have also been with WH since i was 17. Its really hard and its something I struggle with also. It seems like its so easy for him just to throw me away.

Im here if you need to chat!!!


BS (me) 29
WH (him) 29
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 9 years
Together for 11
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What everyone else said.
Go dancing, singing, swimming, boating, fishing, running, Zumba. Go to the beach, or the zoo, or whatever takes your fancy.
Get into martial arts or any other sport where it is ok to beat the crap out of a sparring partner, or take a few hits!
Heal, then live life to the fullest.
Enjoy every morsel of food, wine, deserts. Take a cooking class.
GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. Don't worry, actions always meet consequences.
Not my STBX yet, but every boyfriend I ever was cheated on by was the one missing me in the end. They saw my beautiful face, smiling, loving life, and radiant and looked at the scalawag they screwed around on me with and ....bam. Instant Karma.
Heal first. Then go out and live a wonderful blessed life. Accept that you will have some bad days, and then move on.
Cry when you need to. Honey, get it all out. Get on ADs if you need to and see an IC for as long as you need to.
You were with him through some very formative years, so accept that it is going to hurt and that the hurt is going to be for a while. But you are so young. You have so much more life to live still.
Rearrange your home so that it suits YOU! That is also cathartic and healing!
He is going to get his shit. He already is, he doesn't have you anymore.
You would NEVER knowingly be an OW it is just so low and just downright disgusting, pathetic, and nasty!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2238 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 7

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