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Newest Member: sad6 (45357)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Old: I give up
dignityintact
♀ Member
Member # 32558
DOH!  Posted: 3:23 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, after a year - yes, a year! - I have been on many dates, and not managed to "find" a suitable mate (I say this tongue in cheek )...so I'm not looking anymore. In one year, and 14 dates, I managed to meet one guy who I clicked with, and we went out on a few dates, until he told me he wasn't over his ex, so stopped see in me.

My "pity party" for one is thumping right now - I rarely get messaged. I don't think I'm that bad....but now I question myself - not good ...I have encountered all the cliches in the book - married, sex pests, scammers, and weirdos....

Now, I'm not interested. I'm going to focus on me, and if I come across a bloke, then great, if not....well, I'll survive. I feel sad, as I have a lot to offer someone...but I have to believe what is meant to be will be...

OK rant over, and back to my pity party for one


"Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get a lost and find a better one"

Divorcing - at last!


Posts: 94 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Uk
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 5:23 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think old actually lowers a person's morale and has a low success rate of a relationship, and even lower of a good one.

So definitely step away.

The earth managed to get overpopulated long before computers were invented. Take heart.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will say that the first year on OLD, I wasn't looking for the right things. It took awhile for me to relax and not put so much "into" the dates. I didn't leave my profile up either. I only put it up if I saw someone interesting, and generally I sent them a quick message.

My quality of dates has become much better. Since the beginning of the year, I've gone out with 4 guys, 2 of which have turned into short relationships. Still with the second guy and it has been several weeks now.

It was very frustrating at first, and I took breaks in-between. But, I listened to the advice on SI, relaxed and kept trying.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My experience is similar to cmego's. I definitely needed to take breaks. I met nearly 40 guys off of OLD.

My BIL met over 100 ladies off of OLD before he met my sister.

But, if it's not for you, or not for you right now, it's good to get off since your feelings of negativity about it will transfer through your profile and will scare off any good guys (BTDT)

Sorry you had a rough experience, but don't feel like you have to swear it off forever -- there are always different sites, you can redo your profile, etc. Just make sure you're approaching it with a good attitude!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A year doesn't seem like that long to try to me. I averaged over 14 dates each year...the three years I was OLD. I have gotten more specific about what I was looking for and that reduced the "thanks but no thanks" situations a little bit. Take a break, but you don't have to give up the whole thing entirely....unless you really are done with it. Is the OLD experience a little different in the UK?


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing wrong with taking a short breather, focusing on you, and being open to meeting people IRL. You can always go back to OLD after a time.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
trumanshow
♀ Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I gave up and it was the best decision for me-it was artificial, contrived, and if you wait a year and go back you'll see the same men on there still looking for "the one"


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
dignityintact
♀ Member
Member # 32558
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great advice. I'll take a break & see how I feel. Being duped by a married guy has really thrown me. Anyway, it's not the be all & end all.

I think old is pretty much the same in uk as the us...from reading everyone's stories


"Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get a lost and find a better one"

Divorcing - at last!


Posts: 94 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Uk
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely not the end-all, be-all. But you have to worry about being duped by married guys, no matter how you meet them. Unless you only date people you know or who can be vouched for by friends. Or not worry about it since most people are good and decent, you do your due diligence about new people, investigate yellow flags, and bail at red flags.

I don't think that any of the 40 guys I met off of OLD were married (though who knows since most of them were one date only) but I have had several guys try to make me the OW IRL.

OLD is just another way to meet people. For me, I refuse to date anyone at work, which is where I spend much of my time. None of my friends had any single guy friends who would be a match at all for me. I have a ton of hobbies and meet people through groups, but no one I wanted to date. It was just a way of expanding my options.

That being said, I had to frequently take longish breaks, as I'd despair for humanity. And if things with current guy end, I'll probably not get back on for 6 months or so.

Being single is pretty amazing, after all!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 9

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