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User Topic: sex addict?
unawareIDIOT
♀ New Member
Member # 43469
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says he's been addicted to sex and porn for nearly his whole life. Now that we have a deeper relationship, he says he doesn't feel driven to do those things anymore. Is it possible that is gone for good? How long will it take before other women fill his mind again? Can he ever NOT want them?


Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, but of strength...so why is it so damn painful?
Me (BS) - 43
Him (WS)-47
Married in 2003
DDay-March 28, 2014
Recommitted-April 18
Starting MC 5/22/2014

Posts: 5 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Tennessee
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The short answer is no. If it is a true addiction it will take very hard work in therapy with a certified sex addiction therapist coupled with some type of group therapy and/or 12 step program. It involves a serious reprogramming of the brain that doesn't dissipate overnight and it can't simply be willed away.

Don't believe what he says right now. Go to the I Can Relate forum and read the first page on the Spouses of Sex Addicts thread. There is a whole lot you need to know about this and you simply can't believe him.


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 712 | Registered: Apr 2013
Daddo
♂ Member
Member # 4504
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate the phrase, sex addict.

Though some tiny minority of humans may be so obsessed by sex that they are incapable of controlling their thoughts, actions and behaviors, making a disease out of bad choices does little good.

The fact is that most people obsess about sex. Men in particular think about sex every few minutes. Men masterbate many times a week and men fantasize about random sex partners nearly every day. Finally, given a chance, most men look at porn frequently. Study after study of human sexuality confirms all the above. People should not live in shame for the above behaviors.

However, there is a difference between thinking about sex and seeking inappropriate sexual partners. We should be judged by our behavior, not by our darkest thoughts.

To get to your question, "is it possible for him to have gone good?", I will respond with a question - are you talking about thoughts or actions?

Yes, it is possible for people to mature and to understand the consequences of our actions - and by doing so, to change our behaviors.

Change those thoughts . . . that is less likely.

That said, interest in sex changes with age, mood, health - so maybe. But you can't expect these changes to be permanent - unless he had a major health or lifestyle change.


It's just so sad
But I'm moving on feeling better

Posts: 2468 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Cupertino, CA
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact is that most people obsess about sex

I respectfully disagree but, your point is taken regarding behavior vs. thoughts. I hate the term as well however, I am living it as are many others here. Living with any addictive behavior is particularly challenging and it is difficult to read posts that are so dismissive without becoming defensive.

Unaware, to be sure, your H should be evaluated by a therapist before you go further with a self diagnosis. There is probably more to what has been going on than you would ever guess.

[This message edited by outtanowhere at 2:21 PM, May 21st (Wednesday)]


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 712 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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