Kelany, I so agree. After Dday 1, I thought I was blessed. Devastated, but blessed. My WH confessed to a kiss and said he had stopped it before it went further. He did not tell me he had taken her out for dinner, that they had 'a song', that she had given him a bj. That would have been a game changer. I worked so hard at trusting him, and ignored all the signs of an A.
A year later, it couldn't possibly have been more devastating - discovering he put me through that and THEN went ahead and had the affair.
I wish to God I had had full disclosure from the beginning. After Dday 2, the truth all came out in the span of a few weeks, and we have been living in radical honesty since then.
Kelany, I am so very sorry for all your pain. It is the most devastating thing I have ever experienced.