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User Topic: Letting Go Of The Outcome
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday in IC, we were talking about the boundaries I have set with my WH. I asked him if my new boundaries were too strict. He assured me that they were not, but he pointed something out to me. He told me that I knew what I could or could not live with, but that I have yet to let go of the outcome.

I tried to make excuses for it, but my IC called me out on it. He reminded me that I had set boundaries with my FOO and I had let go of the outcome with them. He told me that I needed to do the same with my WH. He told me that it was now on him to abide by my boundaries or not.

My IC is right. I have been shouldering the burden and responsibility for too long. Whether my M works out or not is no longer in my control. I have finally let go of the outcome and it is so liberating!!!


BW (me): 41 WH (him): 49
Married 18 years. SD: 26 from his 1st. M. DS: 21 from 1st M. DD: 17 (autistic)
D-day: 10/4/13 with ongoing TT (last TT was 10/2/14).
2 OC with 2 different OW. 15 year A with my sister.

Posts: 325 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is such a huge step! I remember my BH getting to that point and it changed everything for him.

Congrats on positive steps forward.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38075 | Registered: Sep 2007
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Furious 1))

I like that - Letting go of the outcome. But, being on the fence about R, I definitely want to get my little ducks in a row.

I just started IC this week (after being in MC for several months) and I hope that my counselor will be very "enlightening" for me!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2013
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

authenticnow, thanks. I didn't realize how shackled I have been with fear. I have been terrified of WH lying to me again, of cheating on me again, of flirting with women, and so on. It's like a huge weight has been taken off of my shoulders. If he does, he does and I will handle it according to what I can and can not live with. It is now on him. I now feel freer to invest in our R, but only according to my boundaries if that makes any sense.

OakStreet, I completely understand the need to get your ducks in a row. To me, it's part of letting go of the outcome. I am prepared to back up my boundaries at any time. I hope your IC is as awesome as mine.


BW (me): 41 WH (him): 49
Married 18 years. SD: 26 from his 1st. M. DS: 21 from 1st M. DD: 17 (autistic)
D-day: 10/4/13 with ongoing TT (last TT was 10/2/14).
2 OC with 2 different OW. 15 year A with my sister.

Posts: 325 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 4

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