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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why can't people just do their shopping?
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My boundaries were tested today... in the supermarket of course! Seriously, what is it with waywards and supermarkets?!

I was in the chocolate aisle picking out some sweets (making cupcakes with the kids at the weekend) when this man browsing just down from me walks over and starts discussing a deal they had on some chocolate bars. Within thirty seconds he commented on my figure, 'you don't look like you're one for eating chocolate, you're lovely and slim' was the phrase he used
I didn't acknowledge his commet, I simply replied that I was picking sweets for my CHILDREN because my HUSBAND and I were going to be baking with them this weekend, I grabbed what I needed and moved away.

He followed me down the aisle chatting away about his kids, asking how old mine were, laughing about how he was probably old enough to be my father I ignored him and just said 'I really must go, my husband is waiting in the car.' That wasn't true but I wanted to get away.

Pre-A, I wouldn't have wanted to be rude and probably would have chatted with him. I would have put his feelings before my own and out of politeness I wouldn't have excused myself.
Today, I really didn't care about his feelings. I was uncomfortable with him talking to me and made it very clear. I surrounded myself with walls. It was easy!

Ok, so I realise it isn't a huge deal. That's what I should have been doing anyway, what I'm supposed to do. But it was a big step for me because before I started IC I had no boundaries at all, with anyone! But now I do and I can enforce them effectively and not give a flying fudge about the person who is trying to cross them

[This message edited by BrokenButTrying at 2:51 PM, May 22nd (Thursday)]


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1184 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations BBT!

How does it feel to have successfully enforced your own boundaries to a clueless person? I say clueless because it sounds as though he wasn't picking up the clear hints you were putting down.

I hope you are feeling good, and confident that you can continue to have healthy boundaries.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 366 | Registered: Dec 2013
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It feels amazing!

All those years that comments from men and extrnal validation used to make me feel good about myself... this, enforcing boundaries, feels SO much better. I left that supermarket with a big grin on my face for all the right reasons.

I've got a long way to go but I feel pretty good about myself today. No matter what the outcome of my M, I know that I will be a safe and authentic person.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1184 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Jovie
♀ Member
Member # 41956
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so I realise it isn't a huge deal

For some of us it is! I can relate to feeling like you've had a small victory only to realize that is how normal people act all the time.

Thank you for sharing, it really helps to see the progress of others around here. And you do deserve to feel proud of it!


Me - WW, 33
Him - BH, 37
Dday - 12/16/13

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2014
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brought me a lot of joy to read this. So happy for you!


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 501 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1184 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

feeling like you've had a small victory only to realize that is how normal people act all the time.

That's it Jovie. I've put in a lot of hard work just to be a tiny bit normal! But it's worth it.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1184 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those small victories are awesome!


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1130 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so I realise it isn't a huge deal.

Ahh but it is a big deal BBT. So very proud of you. Congrats on feeling good about this.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cheers, YOP


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1184 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 10

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