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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Guy at the gym….
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I have been working out crazy for several weeks and a guy starting out giving me the simple nod hello. Then it progressed to two nods. Now I am getting full smile and he is looking at me after each of his sets. I have been keeping my eyes to myself when running or on elliptical etc.. But you know, you look around once in awhile and BAM!

I have employed the headphones now when I lift as I think this is the most likely place he would try to talk to me.

Frighteningly, I find myself flattered but I am also sad. Sad because I realize how strict my boundaries are…. sad because I believe my WH would think that this person 'was only trying to be nice'. These are only my thoughts and perhaps I am projecting. I don't know.



Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jun 2012
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do you have a wedding ring on? If so, creep alert! Up to no good, doesn't care if you're married troll. Steer clear!
I know how it feels. Flattering, but if you're in a committed relationship and this guy knows it - he's evil.
But you know all this....


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5494 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't always have my ring on at the gym. So, in those rare cases where guys flirt with me I just quickly mention my husband. That ends it there.

But, I'll admit, I am flattered!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1815 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I do not wear my ring to gym. I started to get callouses when lifting and so I never have while there. (But to be honest, I haven't worn my ring in a really long time.)

My husband has been with me at the gym several times…. so I don't know.

And you know… the place I am right now… I have thought to myself why am I so bitchy to people. Case in point, on Saturday night my WH and I went to a bar in town to eat and have a drink. Our favorite place to sit is at the bar and have a drink and eat there. I don't know why, but it is.

Anyway, while hubby was parking car, I went in to get a seat. There were three seats open with a guy in the middle one. So I politely went up and asked him if he was waiting for anyone and if he minded moving down one. He had no problem moving and proceeded to talk to me, quite a bit. Parking is a nightmare where we were so it took my WH awhile. After awhile, I was uncomfortable and threw in my WH into the conversation where it didn't make sense. You know why? Because I thought to myself, I wouldn't want to walk in and see my WH talking to the woman next to him. Conversation ended abruptly.

But here is the kicker, I am sure my WH would not do the same in reverse. He would think that said woman was just being friendly. And, of course, what is wrong with being friendly? Again, am I projecting? I don't know. But I am not sure we will make it as I have come to realize that I think our ideologies are just different. More and more, little things like this are starting to pop out at me. We are just different.

[This message edited by brokensmile322 at 8:06 AM, May 23rd (Friday)]


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jun 2012
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, it seems to me that after experiencing feelings of horrible rejection due to the actions of your WH that it must feel good to have the guy at the gym pay attention to you.

There's nothing wrong with that. Take the good feelings, the ego boost, feel flattered, etc.

Just don't act on those feelings


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feelings are not right or wrong....they just are.

Feelings are indicators....not dictators.

You feel desired when this attention happens. You wisely recognize this and the danger of acting on those feelings.

You are correct, wayward thinking does not allow for that healthy process to occur. It's a foolish action to think you immune from temptation, or that you are a temptation to others.

Boundaries are needed because we DO feel flattered. We do desire to be acknowledged....to connect. When you marry you choose the one who will be your source for this.....and forsake all others for this. Adultery is the breaking of that commitment....it tempts BS to do the same. It was really tempting to me! I moved some boundaries a bit.....found it exciting but more sad than anything.

Sad how I could be tempted. Sad that I opportunity is easily found (just look at the numbers associated with adultery....).

You are making healthy choices....keep it up!

Wife stories help me keep my vibe set to "committed" when I interact with other women.

Sadly.....wedding rings never came off the hands of those in my wife's affair. Kids on both sides were dropped off then the rendevous would happen. Can't get anymore married or family than that. So free will trumps all.


Keep the faith.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I am not sure we will make it as I have come to realize that I think our ideologies are just different. More and more, little things like this are starting to pop out at me. We are just different.
t

((brokensmile)), I cannot tell you the number of times I have said this out loud and to my H - how ultimately, it is just not going to work. He's a friendly guy and will chat with an elderly person, a child, the guy in the beer store or the lady in the restaurant. I don't. But sometimes I wish that was me - being effortless with people. I do try it at times and I feel happier afterwards.

I think the guy at the gym is trying to catch your attn. Not sure he is looking for a new friend. But I think other people are just in need of a connection = however brief. We all know the difference.

With regards to being so different. Well. So let it be. Are you working well together in other areas? Is your vision as a couple/of where you want to be in 5/15 years similar? Do you laugh a lot? Does he respect you?

Just throwing some things out there.

[This message edited by LA44 at 12:32 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2590 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone. Yes. I know feelings are indicators. That scares me though. What is it indicating? That I like feeling desired? Scary stuff to me especially with how I am feeling lately.

LA,

Thanks for your reply.

He's a friendly guy and will chat with an elderly person, a child, the guy in the beer store or the lady in the restaurant. I don't. But sometimes I wish that was me - being effortless with people. I do try it at times and I feel happier afterwards.

^^This is my husband as well. He's a nice guy. And friendly. Charming. And he gets paid to be that way as well.

My MC/IC has stressed this to me over and over. That this type of communication is not wrong. Some of it is necessary to be human. It is part of why I didn't respond to you in your other post where you were mad at your husband talking to the girl at the liquor store. My WH would do the same thing. I would get mad. And my IC/MC would tap me with a 2x4. I never responded to you because what they say IS counter to what a lot of people say here. And that is my counselors have told me that I cannot control my WH's actions. Some interactions with women are normal. Not all women are evil or out to be OW. They have stressed that making a blanket statement that he can have no interactions with women whatsoever moving forward is not healthy for him or for me. Why? Because the change isn't in his action- not talking to women. The change has to be in his thought processes- IN him, in his mindset.

But, I AM struggling with this right now. I am having a hard time accepting my WH for who he is and not being offended that he is not like me.

And yes, LA. My husband and I do 'like' each other. We can have fun together. We enjoy the same things. We talk about our future, where we want to retire, when our kids have grandchildren, trips we want to take etc… It's all good.

Except:

I find myself mad and angry about this difference we have. Is that bizarre? Am I shooting myself in my own foot? I don't know.


[This message edited by brokensmile322 at 1:17 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jun 2012
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok! Well I have given a lot of thought to that wine store exchange and this is what I got...

Because the change isn't in his action- not talking to women. The change has to be in his thought processes- IN him, in his mindset.

After he and I talked about the two exchanges he had - one initiated by him, the other not, it became clear to me that his mindset is changing. I thought of other members in his family too - all talkers. He comes by it honestly. And my sister does the same thing - talk, talk, talk, friendly, social, etc.

I find myself mad and angry about this difference we have. Is that bizarre?

No, I really don't think it is too far off from how many of us feel. I think though, if your H didn't RESPECT that you feel this way, this would be greater cause for anger. But I take it he does and this is something you are going to eventually make peace with.

Here's something....my parents are TOTALLY different. I mean, I don't even get how they got together and stayed together. And while they have stayed together for almost 50 years they have NOT done well at accepting the other. Honestly! They still makes comments about the other and I think, "What the hell? Why are they still going on about this?! Mom is the friendly, extrovert and Dad is kind but would rather be solo or with a good friend having coffee. And after all this time, my parents still butt heads about this. I can't be doing that with my H years from now.

Oh and as for being desired and liking it. Months after D-Day one of my H's friends came on to me - as he usually does every summer when he visits and even after all the pain of the A, I was still flattered, still giggled, still wanted more of that! What the hell? But as it says in NJF, finding someone else attractive just means we aren't dead. Acting on it is another thing entirely. But yeah. I liked it.

[This message edited by LA44 at 1:41 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2590 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only you can answer for sure what your feelings are indicating.

My best guess is that your feelings are telling you that you desire to be respected, desired, cherished, cared for in ways you are currently not being....or at least not as full as you desire.

Can your spouse do that? Fill you up completely? No. That is where your internal strength and stability must take over. If your husband is re-committed to you he will seek, find and implement ways that fill you up more and more over time. But it will take time. It is not instant...and the trauma you have been through only slows this process down.


But I am not sure we will make it as I have come to realize that I think our ideologies are just different.

Caution Caution Caution;


You are changing...but don't be quick to let this internal change in you define your relationship to your husband. I am learning we are all incombatible at some level....we are broken. There are going to be differences.

Our FOO coping skills make us blind to our own self. As we gain vision we see more of ourselves. I have had moments of "My God! For real? This is a part of me? That can't be???? I want a divorce from myself!!!!"

What does that look like...to divorce yourself???? For me, it would be returning to porn. Other people might throw themselves into their work, chose adultery, drink to excess, shopping, cats .....anything to create "partial blindness" to my own destructive, distasteful parts.

Please steer clear of following this thought to far into the future....the thought that you might not be compatible with your husband.

He is changing too. You are both in a state of flux. If you were like us.....we were stagnant, in ruts, in repeatable patterns. There was no real change occurring, no deep intimacy or bonding occurring...just us getting along.

We have before us an opportunity to do differently.

It would be a big mistake to use our old wisdom, apply it to our new marriage, and expect a wise decision to come from it.

Keeping an eye to the 4 deadly A's (adultery, addiction, abandonment, and abuse) I am hopeful for the future of our M and our family. If any of those A's show up.....I am better prepared to deal with it in healthy ways.

By the way.....I am not just watching for these in my wife, I am watching for them inside me!

My involvment on SI is an area for me to be mindful. I very much enjoy the comfort and growth that I have experienced while on SI, but I am also mindful of my own brokenness. I committed myself to my wife. I am carefully observing my interactions with all others...especially when it comes to matters normally discussed just with your spouse. This is a topic of exploration with my therapist as well.

I am learning and growing...am able to bring up topics with my wife that I would have trouble doing in the past. Codependent tendencies combined with the pain of her A have limited my abilities to make the choices healthy couples make.....but I am healing and growing.


Summary: Brokensmile322. You have grown and changed. You are aware of temptations. Mr. Brokensmile322 is growing and changing too...hopefully HE is aware of his temptations too.

Doubt is going to enter your mind....but that is a feeling (anxiousness, concern) too. Don't react to them...feel them, undertsand what is attracting you to acting on them....then find ways to act with your husband to satisfy them--lowering the flags and enjoying bonding with the one your promised to bond with and forsake all others with.

Act your way to feelings....healthy and constructive.

Feel your way to actions.....largely unhealthy and destructive.

If you are like me, you are realizing more and more what you were willing to settle for. Not just in your pre-A M, but within your own self. Fear was prevailent in me...has been since age 12.

I am growing stronger, more courageous.

God is with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


if your H didn't RESPECT that you feel this way, this would be greater cause for anger. But I take it he does and this is something you are going to eventually make peace with.

I am not sure my WH does respect my thoughts about it. Maybe he does, he has made changes, but I am not sure. Has he made changes, like those who go on a diet, changing behaviors to get a desired result, but who eventually gain all the weight back and then some because they haven't changed their mindset? I don't really know. I am beginning to think not, only time will tell. I know I have started to let go of the outcome. My IC says that he has not given me reason to believe he is slipping. What will be, will be. I guess. LOL!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jun 2012
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, time will tell broken and again, me and H have had that same convo, "so you feel like this now, but what if...in time, years from now...you strike up a convo with a pretty woman at a conference bc you noticed you have the exact same items on your plate from the buffet line." What if your mind-set is only in this temporary position?

Then I kick myself for the "what if" mindset which I think is useless.

[This message edited by LA44 at 2:17 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2590 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

speaking as a former wayward, there are things I no longer do simply because it makes my husband uncomfortable. I feel I lost the right to be a certain way after I made the decision to cheat.

Is it wrong to change or temper parts of our personality to make our BS feel safer? It seems to me that this is the least I could do. Those parts that make him cringe I look at again and see if I can work it differently. It just feels like no skin off my back.

I'm not particularly outgoing. But if I guy comes up to talk to me, doesn't matter the intent, unless I know him, that conversation is going to be very short. And I don't care if he thinks I'm rude. I've not lost any of my humanity by doing this. In fact, I wonder if I've gained some by recognizing and being compassionate regarding my BS's sticky spots?

YMMV....

[This message edited by rachelc at 2:29 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5494 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rachel,

I hear you. Loud and clear. Your thought processes have changed and you have made changes to your behavior because of it.

On the flip side:
changing behaviors first, doesn't always result in your mind set changing after.

Thus my diet analogy. See, as BS, we can get caught in a false security which is: I demand my WH doesn't do X,Y,Z and he hasn't engaged in those behaviors, so, therefore, he has changed. Well, not necessarily. The behaviors might have changed for a bit, but the mindset may have not. KWIM? That is why my IC/MC state that the behaviors do not change you. It is your thought processes that do. When your thoughts change, true actions result and not because of an ultimatum.

In my WH's case, his job IS socializing. It is selling himself, his product, who he is , his company etc… He is paid to entertain, to make small talk etc…

He IS social by nature as well. If a stranger started talking to him, sure he would cut it short. Never would he be rude unless he had a reason to be. My problem is not with strangers. I have issues with his coworkers, his clients, his support staff. So he does know these people and he knows them well. The company has them at fun events all year long, team building experiences, dinners trying to get business or maintain it. Cocktails, concerts etc… It is social. It drives me insane.

He says he knows the difference now. That he would never let anyone ever again become close enough to him to text a lot and often. He said he would temper his visits etc… Pre A, he operated under the 'treat everyone the same' mantra that businesses push. He claims he knows the difference now. How do I know? I really don't. He has made changes- he comes in earlier than he has, is aware of his communication with women in general now, lets me know when certain women are present etc… But these are changes he has made in his actions. At first it was because I requested it. False security. So I reneged on the ultimatums and he is still doing these things and more. Whether or not it is a crash diet remains to be seen.

So some of you may think he should switch jobs- and he could, but it would be more of the same, just a different company. Plus, for me, I DON"T want to change who he is. I see this as my problem, meaning that I will have to decide if I can live with it or not. He has made changes. Are they for the long haul? I hope so.

[This message edited by brokensmile322 at 3:21 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jun 2012
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Doubt is going to enter your mind....but that is a feeling (anxiousness, concern) too. Don't react to them...feel them, undertsand what is attracting you to acting on them....then find ways to act with your husband to satisfy them--lowering the flags and enjoying bonding with the one your promised to bond with and forsake all others with.

Thank you for this, Blake. I will try to do this again. Lately I have been pulling back. Struggling.


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jun 2012
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your welcome.

It is normal to want to pull back from the spouse that hurt you so deeply and profoundly....I do this too. I pull back into books. I pull back into SI. And this is why I am examining how much I am reading and how interactive I am on SI....particularly with female members.

Even in the public forum I have to be more aware of what I am doing.

My flags are telling me I desire female interactions......I am learning to turn towards my wife to get these desires addressed. But our dynamics are still such that she pulls back from this at times. Our dynamics are still such that I refrain from engaging her as often as I should. Codependency sucks.

In these cases....her pulling back from me or me refraining from her....I am learning how to just......BE STILL!


There will be times when neither of us are open to connecting with each other.....

It is at those times that we need to just....be still.


I see how our M had more and more times of unhealthy engagements.....really working on codependent cycles. Understanding my side of that relationship...and now venturing into the other side of that relationship.

Boundaries are needed all the time....but they must be established well before they are really needed...KWIM?

My wife had zero boundaries with her AP. zip. notta.

She met him and almost instantly ran wild.

Was "easy" for her.

Was easy for two pain reasons, as near as I have been able to discern.

First, no boundaries.

Second, her independent side of our codependent relationship.


I have this theory that is developing that waywards lack of empathy towards their spouse is almost directly related to the OVER empathy of of the betrayed spouse towards their WS.

KWIM?

I'm not sure either.

Gonna post a thought and take some 2x4s on this one.

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I have this theory that is developing that waywards lack of empathy towards their spouse is almost directly related to the OVER empathy of of the betrayed spouse towards their WS.

How very interesting. No 2x4 here. Would love to hear your thoughts on it someday when you are feeling brave or willing to share.

Thanks again!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jun 2012
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feel flattered, but see it for what it is. If the guy knows you're married and is hitting on you anyway, he wants to use you to get off. He's the lion, you're the juicy steak.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1485 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

over empathy = some BS's ability to own their WS shit as their own. To take so much empathy that they pick up shame and guilt that is not theirs to own. A "well, you just weren't getting enough sex from me. I understand completely and will do better....wanna do it now?" attitude.

Meanwhile, some WS's take a "Well, she's just more fun to hang out with than my wife and mother of my children" towards their AP and choosing adultery. An "I'm sorry, but I'm just not in love with you anymore....yeah, I should have told you before I slept around, but it is what it is." attitude.


....probably shouldn't use empathy. That word doesn't deserve to be abused.

This is linked to codependent cycles....but don't know what to call the other side of the cycle......taker? abuser? user? independent? selfish?

Bit of a crass post....but some of this journey is just plain crass. Isn't it?

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the guy knows you're married and is hitting on you anyway, he wants to use you to get off. He's the lion, you're the juicy steak.

Golden!

And this is why it is true people affair-down.

A man or woman engaged in adultery is not seeking anything but selfish fullfillment. Period. End of story.

My wifes AP dumped her within a week of actually having full on sex with her. That lion ate his meal. My wife feasted too. It was not rape. They both paid to eat at that consentual buffet ....dutch treat of course!

Peace.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:10 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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