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User Topic: "I'm flattered but..."
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He should tell his wife what happened. I would also report this to whoever he is coaching for. This whore is creating a hostile environment which he and other men should not have to deal with.

He should ignore her message if he reports her. If not he can tell her to stop contacting him and stop being inappropriate. He could also share the message with her BS.

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:43 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]

BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 587 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 42372
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off, I am in the NO to the "I'm flattered" who in their RIGHT mind would be flattered by a person, married or not coming on to them so blatently? No boundaries,that's obvious.
My response would have been along the lines of:

I don't know the status of YOUR marriage, but when my wife and I took the vow of 'forsaking" ALL others, WE meant it. I am not interested in you or anyone other then my WIFE. Thank you and have a great day

edited to add: YES to the show his wife the text, she needs to be aware of what's going on...... Hopefully his actions will prove his fidelity and this won't get out of hand.

[This message edited by SpecialK at 6:37 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]

Posts: 364 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Florida
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am baffled why people would find this flattering. It isn't flattering, it is actually very insulting. I would not be flattered, I would be turned right off. I would probably respond something like, "No thank you." No need to be rude, no need to validate her behaviour, no need to explain. "No" is a complete sentence.

Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I would go one step farther and the reply would be: "You are receiving this response to your text where you sexually propositioning Mr. *****. I am his wife and he immediately showed me your cheap come-on to him. We are happily married and stand united against marriage destroyers such as you. Signed Mr. and Mrs.

That response, along with a copy of her cheap proposition would have been cc'd to her husband. Don't play around with this, some of these slut bags LOVE a challenge.

"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 997 | Registered: Feb 2005
hurting mom
♀ Member
Member # 12869
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So gross. How about responding, "I rebuke you, Satan!"
A little over the top, but clear enough.

Posts: 51 | Registered: Dec 2006
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he should reply back, "how much do you charge?"

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about:

“Sorry but I don’t think we are compatible. I have morals and you don’t”.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5567 | Registered: Sep 2005
♀ Member
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't text a lecture about morals or fidelity or whatnot. That just feeds the drama she's wanting. A simple no, not interested, do not contact me again will suffice. Attention whores hate it when they don't get emotional responses.

Many cheaters see affairs as challenges to take a married man/woman from their spouses and love the challenge. Barf. Don't give her any ammo.

He should show the message to his spouse so she knows how uncomfortable this made him, tell whomever is in charge since I'm sure she'll try this with others on the team. Using your kids as a way to skeeve on others is pretty nasty.

Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 367 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Member # 42837
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I am married. Your message was inappropriate."

This, IMO, is perfect. (Nice one, TheThreeYearFool) Clear, simple, factual, and not emotive or unkind. Kind of like being assertive instead of passive or aggressive.

[This message edited by Branca at 9:22 PM, May 24th (Saturday)]

Me: BW, 36
Him: WH, 36
Married 13 years
2 children aged 9 and 5

DD #1 26 August 2013 - EA on FB and phone with a former flame OW#2 for about 8 months
DD #2 30 April 2014 - EA/PA for 10 months in 2011 with OW#1
Hoping for R

Posts: 119 | Registered: Mar 2014
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would be willing to bet that if I never experienced infidelity, and was propositioned like your friend, that I also would have given the "I'm flattered" speech. I bet a lot of us would.

Who knows? Maybe I would have been flattered. But the truth is that I always tried to promote and establish that I was happily married....and I wasn't hit on often...if at all. Or maybe I'm a troll in women's eyes. I don't know.

The point is, you just can't look at it the same anymore. Just as virtually all of us had no effing idea of how badly infidelity would affect our lives, I don't think many of us had the ability to really absorb how inappropriate her comments were. It simply wasn't on our radar. After all, infidelity couldn't happen to us, right?

2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D

Posts: 2113 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
Red Sox Nation
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Member # 26358
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been through cheating, but I see no need to add to the drama by creating an unnecessary situation.

Tell my wife? Maybe. Definitely if she knew the person. Otherwise, it invites more drama. Fidelity is about my commitment to her. That doesn't waver. I can handle myself, and I'm confident I'm not going to do or say something that disrespects our marriage in the slightest.

I can't go through life as a vigilante against others' infidelities. I think the right thing to do here is end the contact with this woman as quickly and efficiently as possible. In this case, it means polite, but firm.

When someone tells you who she is, listen; when someone shows you who she is, listen carefully.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 31522
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I would just type out a simple.

"No thanks. I'm married"

And I would have my wife show up at the next game. haha

Me (betrayed): 35

Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Coach needs to show this message to his wife immediately as well as any response. Great backfire potential here.

Coach also needs to share this with his immediate "boss" and be guided accordingly. While this may be the first time it has happened to him, I bet it is not new to his organization.

Coach needs to handle this himself...wife should not make any response.

Most organizations have a "two adult" policy when dealing with minors. This needs to be strictly enforced at all times. NEVER alone with any child, esp those belonging to this woman.

Irritating as it is his wife may need to make her presence known more often. Sadly potential OW may have friends that think the same way.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

Posts: 385 | Registered: Sep 2008
Topic Posts: 33
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