Did I feel like the affair took away my identity as wife? Absolutely. Mother? Hell no.
I don't feel that my identity as either a wife or mother has been affected, but that my functioning in both those roles has been affected.
Actually, I think his A more took away my perception of his identity as a husband.
Anyway, this opens up for me the issue of 'what am I doing for my own healing?'. Perhaps only the passage of time can really bring improvement, but maybe there are things I could be doing differently.
If I didn't have kids then it wouldn't matter so much if I got bogged down in depression for a bit. But it rankles so much that this shit is affecting my kids' growing up experience. Their experience of their mother and their home.
How much of this is within my control? How much can I just choose to snap out of it? Yes, I am going through the motions as much as I can, but my personality tends to expect a lot of myself, and this just isn't good enough. It's not an acceptable long-term solution, and yet, here I am, months in, still doing it. I've given myself a lot of slack... how much more slack can I give/take?
I realise this probably isn't the place for a BS to navel gaze, so I'll stop here... but maybe it's interesting for some WS to see why a BS might feel like taking a week, month or year off, or simply be unable to function for a time. My WH, for example, has been totally surprised at how much his 'only flirting' has affected me, and consequently, our lives.
Me: BW, 36
Him: WH, 36
Married 13 years
2 children aged 9 and 5
DD #1 26 August 2013 - EA on FB and phone with a former flame OW#2 for about 8 months
DD #2 30 April 2014 - EA/PA for 10 months in 2011 with OW#1
Hoping for R