Yeah, absolutely I push guys away when I first sense…well…they are a guy My self-protection is very strong and I'm trying to knock it down a few bricks.
When we first met, he was treating me as a top priority. But, things changed quickly as it became obvious that the job he was counting on didn't happen...and he needed to reprioritize. To what SHOULD be his priority. His career and seeing his dd. I cannot fault him for that. He has to pay his support.
What I don't know is when things calm down, if he can come back to center and prioritize me back into his life. He is a scientist and admittedly over compartmentalizes. He is also a little socially awkward and "doesn't' get people" very well. None of that bothers me too much as my Dad was very similar and my nephew and dd are all on the Autism spectrum, as I'm expecting this guy to be.
Either I need to give him the space to get his life in the order it SHOULD be, or I don't.
Right now, I'm giving him the space to try, knowing that things like…taking 3 hours from his schedule yesterday to see me the day before he leaves the country is a big deal to him. He asked to see me, we worked out the time together, and he made the time.
We are trying to figure out when to see each other again, and it will likely be a month before that happens due to travel on both ends, and his custody schedule.
It is hard to fault a man who wants to spend time with his dd over a new relationship. I'm good at juggling everything. I have for years, juggled a house, full time kids, grad school, and dating. I prioritize easily, I don't compartmentalize anything. It is EASY for me. It isn't easy for him. He is laser focused on whatever is in front of him. I am laser focused on everything.
He has told me repeatedly that he is still just as interested in me as always, his end hasn't changed, but he has very stressful things on his plate right now.
If it doesn't work out, I don't think I will regret giving him/us the opportunity to see if this works. He is a good guy and a good fit for me. It is my insecurities that are flaring right now. I need to offer him some grace and time to sort through it all without pressure from me. me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings