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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Will I ever stop?
feelinglost360
♀ New Member
Member # 43419
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been asking him questions about that night now for a week (1 night with 2 escorts)...he says that I am torturing myself by asking and that he wants to move on and for us to be happy again. He is remorseful and sorry. He has answered all the questions when I ask. I know he loves me and hates himself for what he did.

I went thru every emotion possible last weekend when he came back from working out of town...love, hate, anger, disappointment, embarrassment, disgust...you name it, I went thru it.

I want to try and trust him again, but I don't know how I can. He is back out of town again in the same place as when he did this 2 weeks ago.

On top of it, one of the girls text him today asking if he was in town....he did tell me and screenshot the text where he told her never to contact him again.

My nerves are shot and I doubt I will sleep tonight...Moscato will be my friend again tonight!


Me - 36
WBF - 33
Together 23 months - no kids together
DDay 5/10/14 - ONS w/ 2 escorts - threesome

Posts: 14 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Seattle
jojodancer
♀ New Member
Member # 43516
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the same boat as you right now. It was a week ago today that I found out that my husband was in an emotional affair with a woman he worked with. This past week has been the worst and best of my life but I too am struggling with the trust issue. It will take some time, it is still very fresh and raw for you so don't be hard on yourself.

Posts: 3 | Registered: May 2014
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of ur healing , if your H is truly remorseful, is to answer any and all questions you have. I am sorry but a failure to answer may mean there is more to the story. If you think you know everything you might find more A or details later. I would request a written timeline. From this you can write down your questions to be answered with the understanding that there may be more. My WW would TT answers and I found out why 2 months later when another A surfaced.

I have been on this site long enough to see a pattern. Truly remorseful WS divulge all info as asked. Those that won;t discuss or TT are usually hiding other A or a lot more details. Sorry


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Moscato will be my friend again tonight!

I'm hanging out with a beer myself right now.

Very sorry that you are going through this.

I have been asking him questions about that night now for a week (1 night with 2 escorts)...he says that I am torturing myself by asking and that he wants to move on and for us to be happy again. He is remorseful and sorry. He has answered all the questions when I ask. I know he loves me and hates himself for what he did.

Are you sure he's being remorseful and not just regretful? Remorse comes in the form of action. Not just answering all of your questions. If he was remorseful he wouldn't be telling you that you are just torturing yourself so that he can move one. Yes, you read that right. So that he can move on. True remorse would be answering those questions as many times as YOU needed to.

Remorse will be him showing you in action. Have you let him know what you have needed for your needs to help you heel from his actions? What about needs of the marriage? What is he doing to show you that he is thinking of you while he is out of town again? Is he checking in? Sending your photos of where he is or whatever it is that YOU need?

Sorry for all of the rhetorical questions but 2 weeks out doesn't seem like that long ago for true remorse to kick in yet. This thing is a very long and arduous journey.

On top of it, one of the girls text him today asking if he was in town....he did tell me and screenshot the text where he told her never to contact him again.

This is a good start. What else do you need?

Hang in there feelinglost360. We are here for you. Keep reading. Keep posting.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1870 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just thinking....why would an escost be texting him? Does it really work that way? Just thinking


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just thinking....why would an escost be texting him? Does it really work that way? Just thinking

Yes. One of the guys that I used to work with married an escort (don't ask). This is how they get "regular" clients. Once they have your info they will keep hitting you up. Drug dealers do the same. "Whatcha need?" It's how they make their $$. He needs to block that shit going forwards.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1870 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Daddo
♂ Member
Member # 4504
Default  Posted: 3:47 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Will you ever stop obsessing . . . eventually, yes.

But it will take a long time. You are just at the beginning of this ride - even if your WS is truly remorseful it will takes months or years to feel normal - and that assumes that he really makes his life an open book and earns back your trust.

He needs to understand - and you need to understand that this obsession to know every detail, to go over it over and over again - this is normal. More, you can't stop it even if you tried. It will pass, but their is no skipping past it.


It's just so sad
But I'm moving on feeling better

Posts: 2468 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Cupertino, CA
neecee
♀ Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

why just a screenshot? he could've texted her right after the screen shot and explained that he had to send that text to he to keep things calm. I would have insisted in seeing all of the texts. Cheaters are very crafty. I'm planning on getting a cell phone monitor for my WH, he's vowing to never do it again, but I'm not gonna be made a fool TWICE!!! Sorry for what your going through. I've had many nights with a box of tissues myself. Hang in there


What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.....I should be dead by now!!!!!
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years in 3 weeks
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 80 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
feelinglost360
♀ New Member
Member # 43419
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has been out of town working. I am just glad he told me about her contacting him, he didn't have to as I would have never known. I know that he blocked that number from his phone so that she can't text him again.

He just left back to work a couple hours ago again and my heart has already sank. I wish he didn't have to go. I am so heart broken. All I think about is the what if's.

It was a stupid mistake/choice that he wishes he never had done and I truly believe that. At least that is what I am trying to believe. He is trying to make it right. He has been very attentive and loving.

We installed the Life360 on our phone last week before he went back. Good so far. I am just having a hard time on how I am going to trust him again....and how to stop thinking about what they did that night. Makes me so sick to my stomach.

He told me that weekends that he can't come home, for me to come up with the kids. So I am going to take him up on that for sure! He also took his video game system with him to keep him in his room and not go out with the guys.

I wish I could just forget this ever happened. It has torn me apart. I love this man more than anything. I understand people make stupid decisions, I have made one before too (Not this relationship) But damn this hurts to the core!

I'm hoping everything will work out for the best and we can get thru this if not make our relationship stronger (Is that possible?)


Me - 36
WBF - 33
Together 23 months - no kids together
DDay 5/10/14 - ONS w/ 2 escorts - threesome

Posts: 14 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Seattle
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feeling lost- I want to reply to your post as there are similarities in my story, and being 9 months from DDay I may have a perspective that will be helpful to you....or at least validate what you are experiencing.
Firstly, i do not like to use the term 'escort'. I believe it to be a euphemism for a vile profession/act that makes it almost palatable. I prefer to reference 'it' as maggot, public semen toilet, or if I'm feeling charitable, I just say whore. My WH bristled at these terms at first, and I believe it was because it made him have to face what it really is.
I found out about the infidelity in my marriage when the scurrying tenement rat texted my WH saying she was 'hot to see him again' ; so yes, this happens. They def are like drug dealers.
I asked and asked and asked again. It was gross. It made me sick, but I kept asking. In fact, I have a couple more I'm going to make him answer and describe in detail this week. I looked up on the internet and found about 34 ads it had posted on various sites. At first I was like "what am I doing? It turns my stomach. It hurts me". But here's why: b/c it was this unimaginable, completely alien thing and it very devastatingly affected MY LIFE. I am more at peace now, and a huge part of it is because I pulled the lid off that garbage can, I would not settle until I KNEW. The other thing is time. Time and 100% transparency from him.
My WH cringes when I ask. It makes him uncomfortable as hell. Too fucking bad. He answers. And he does not ever say 'let's move on'. Get the book How to Help your Spouse Heal from your Affair. It helps explain to them what is normal for you to need and want. Do not allow him to escape the hard consequences of what he's done to you, and to himself. That will not be healthy for you in the long run. Good luck, I feel ya.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 404 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 10

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