This is my life right now, too.
Zoosk. Crazy place, that.
When Perv was first caught, that's where his mug was found eta, in my house! So me being me, signed on to see what I could find out.
Mind you, I put no picture and zero details and Bam! My phone would not stop beeping with men contacting me. Suffice to say, it drove me nuts! And the profiles of those who beeped, may be impolite to say, but made me sad. Maybe fakers, too...ages 18 to 65 and I'm in my 40's.
In upbeat moods I got a snicker, but in low times it was very hard. And besides being super self consious about pictures, I'm considered "old fashioned", with dating, so it felt kind of like competition somehow.
I find many people do the sunglasses thing and I wonder if it also stems from self consciousness.
Finally I took myself down and felt better.
Recently, when the loneliness nearly ate me alive inside, I went on another one. This is about a year later. My reactions were still the same but this time I cried and just felt ugly and like maybe I was trying to hard.
Like your wine, I tend toward Baileys and the exercise because driving takes too much gas money, lol. What I'm finding, FWIW, is that trying to fill the void in other ways is better, though sucks. And I recognize the feelings when the down swing comes and then have to pick myself back up again. I found when I tried to ignore it, almost like a spell that went away, it was worse.
I also tell myself, "it is temporary", whatever the outcome.
Sorry for long message-it hit home.Ashland 13
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.