We have been in marriage counseling, although I am not too impressed with this counselor. She has canceled/postponed 3 appointments. But, the WS has gone to all of the appointments and he is participating.
A week before the last appointment, I found out that his AP had texted him. He didn't tell me about it, I found it on his phone the next afternoon. However, based on the content of her texts... it was obvious that they hadn't been in contact for a while.
At the appointment, he was LIVID that I'd gone through his phone again. The counselor REALLY shocked him when she said that if he'd read further in the book (NOT Just Friends by Shirley Glass), then he'd know I'm SUPPOSED TO BE checking his phone. Heh.. that was almost comical.
At any rate.. an improvement. A couple of days ago he was helping to fix a friend's truck. While under the truck, his phone rang and he answered without looking at the incoming number. It was her. She whined for a minute about her current problems and he basically cut her off and asked what she wanted HIM to do about it, he was under the truck and 150 miles away. She said that she just wanted someone to talk to... he said he had to go, and essentially hung up on her. When he got home that evening, he TOLD me she'd called and told me about the conversation.
The very next day, he went to get a new cell phone (which was planned) and he GOT A NEW NUMBER. That is a huge weight off me. He voluntarily got a new number that she won't have. Her area code is different from ours, so ANY calls with that area code would be suspect. AND this new phone allows for online billing/bill payment so there will be a log of calls made and texting activity. I have told him that I won't go through his phone, because I will have access to the online activity and that will give me any information I need.
For the first time in a LONG time, I'm feeling hopeful. He has been more communicative than normal, which is a refreshing change. He's been affectionate, and not just verbally. The sex life has been sparse but good when it happens (and happening a little less than we want, but we both understand and agree that it's for good reasons).
He's been more helpful around the house, AND he has tried to listen to things that bother me. For instance, he would fall asleep in the chair in the evening and then not wake up until it was time to go to bed. I felt ignored, and like he couldn't be bothered to stay awake and interact with me. We have implemented a "game night" twice a week where we play cards or board games or something, which keeps him awake. He doesn't just sit in the chair and let himself fall asleep.
I'm afraid to hope..but these are all good signs.