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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He finally did it
Smithereens
♀ New Member
Member # 42800
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have been in marriage counseling, although I am not too impressed with this counselor. She has canceled/postponed 3 appointments. But, the WS has gone to all of the appointments and he is participating.

A week before the last appointment, I found out that his AP had texted him. He didn't tell me about it, I found it on his phone the next afternoon. However, based on the content of her texts... it was obvious that they hadn't been in contact for a while.

At the appointment, he was LIVID that I'd gone through his phone again. The counselor REALLY shocked him when she said that if he'd read further in the book (NOT Just Friends by Shirley Glass), then he'd know I'm SUPPOSED TO BE checking his phone. Heh.. that was almost comical.

At any rate.. an improvement. A couple of days ago he was helping to fix a friend's truck. While under the truck, his phone rang and he answered without looking at the incoming number. It was her. She whined for a minute about her current problems and he basically cut her off and asked what she wanted HIM to do about it, he was under the truck and 150 miles away. She said that she just wanted someone to talk to... he said he had to go, and essentially hung up on her. When he got home that evening, he TOLD me she'd called and told me about the conversation.

The very next day, he went to get a new cell phone (which was planned) and he GOT A NEW NUMBER. That is a huge weight off me. He voluntarily got a new number that she won't have. Her area code is different from ours, so ANY calls with that area code would be suspect. AND this new phone allows for online billing/bill payment so there will be a log of calls made and texting activity. I have told him that I won't go through his phone, because I will have access to the online activity and that will give me any information I need.

For the first time in a LONG time, I'm feeling hopeful. He has been more communicative than normal, which is a refreshing change. He's been affectionate, and not just verbally. The sex life has been sparse but good when it happens (and happening a little less than we want, but we both understand and agree that it's for good reasons).

He's been more helpful around the house, AND he has tried to listen to things that bother me. For instance, he would fall asleep in the chair in the evening and then not wake up until it was time to go to bed. I felt ignored, and like he couldn't be bothered to stay awake and interact with me. We have implemented a "game night" twice a week where we play cards or board games or something, which keeps him awake. He doesn't just sit in the chair and let himself fall asleep.

I'm afraid to hope..but these are all good signs.

[This message edited by Smithereens at 7:27 PM, May 24th (Saturday)]


Me - 45
Him (WS) - 45
Married 11/17/2007
I found out on 2/14/14. Happy Valentine's Day to me, right?
Reconciliation? Honestly don't know if trust will EVER be possible again

Posts: 19 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Midwestern USA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad that you're getting some good signs. And I'm really happy that your MC nailed him on checking his phone!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5097 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baby steps is what R takes. He just took one. A good sign.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1659 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 7:21 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Smithereens -

Please remember to follow the guidelines when posting. There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in the Recon forum.

Thank you.


Posts: 36474 | Registered: Mar 2011
Smithereens
♀ New Member
Member # 42800
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I AM the OP. I didn't call anyone names, except for his affair partner. Where is that not allowed?


Me - 45
Him (WS) - 45
Married 11/17/2007
I found out on 2/14/14. Happy Valentine's Day to me, right?
Reconciliation? Honestly don't know if trust will EVER be possible again

Posts: 19 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Midwestern USA
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OP = Other person (OW & OM)

You can vent and namecall them in Gen. Just not in Recon. Thank you.


Posts: 36474 | Registered: Mar 2011
Smithereens
♀ New Member
Member # 42800
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, I took OP to be the "original poster." I changed it.


Me - 45
Him (WS) - 45
Married 11/17/2007
I found out on 2/14/14. Happy Valentine's Day to me, right?
Reconciliation? Honestly don't know if trust will EVER be possible again

Posts: 19 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Midwestern USA
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you.

Posts: 36474 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 8

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