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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He failed the polygraph
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All 4 questions
He still is swearing on his life he never had physical sex with anyone, I don't know wtf to believe. I thought one question he might fail, but all of them?!! I'm so confused, he's pissed and wants to be retest, says no way in hell did he ever have sex outside our marriage. Questions were:

1. Did u ever have sexual contact (fondling, oral, anal) with EA?
2. Did you ever meet up with EA partner outside of work?
3. Have you ever have sexual contact with any other woman besides wife or EA partner
4. Does wife know about all online sexual activity?


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, too much too list, drowning in his sex addiction
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap
Separated, divorce filed, he loves his whore lol

Posts: 453 | Registered: Nov 2013
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Believe the polygraph. It's science. He can say whatever words he wants, he's still lying. Protect yourself. I'm so sorry.

(((Jls0320)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17839 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Raspberry
♀ Member
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my biggest fear when I take him for his. :(

I'm so sorry. I'd be devastated.


Posts: 145 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, you're not confused, but instead you don't want (or aren't ready) to believe that your WH is still telling you lies.
Believe the polygraph. It's science. He can say whatever words he wants, he's still lying. Protect yourself. I'm so sorry.

I agree with Jrazz, hon.

((( Jls0320 )))

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 3:56 PM, May 25th (Sunday)]


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6527 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
phoenix2015
♀ Member
Member # 42039
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry JL, I can only imagine the internal struggle you are experiencing. We so want to still believe everything our WS tells us even though they managed to shatter our lives with their lies and betrayals. It would be so much easier if we did not love them.
The infidelity was beyond comprehension, but finding out your spouse is also a SA is just another kick in the gut. This is going to be a very long journey.
Sending prayers your way


Me: BS, 43 yrs
Him: WH, 45 yrs
Married 23 yrs
4 daughters, 7-18 yrs
D-day:9/10/13
4 week EA
Porn addiction 15 yrs

Your character is what you do when you think no one is watching.


Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2014
adriana1980
♀ New Member
Member # 41780
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm deeply surprised that question #4 was actually allowed. This isn't a "polygraph" type of question.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2013
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still denying. Even wants me to call EA partner to clarify, yeah like she'd be honest lol.


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, too much too list, drowning in his sex addiction
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap
Separated, divorce filed, he loves his whore lol

Posts: 453 | Registered: Nov 2013
angerisme
♀ Member
Member # 37672
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry sweetie. I wish we had a magical potion to make it all go away. The closest thing I've got is this: GET MAD!

REEEEALLY REEEALLY REEEEEEEEALLY MAD!

Then ask yourself this one simple question:

What kind of narcissist, sociopathic creep fails a polygraph then jumps up and down in indignation demanding that he take another one?

The test is accurate. My guess is the guy has been a lying, cheating, manipulating pig for a very long time. Each time they lie or wiggle out of a close situatoin they grow more empowered in the belief they can make anyone believe anything. If he honestly believes he can convince you that a lie detector test is wrong because he is such a true and honest guy...then I would say he has been rewarded very often in the past with his ability to cover his ass

WARNING: A guy like this may resort to violence or bullying when his emotion fails to move you. Is there somewhere you can go stay for a week to get over the shock and gain some perspective?

This is real life now. There is no going back. I spent many years trying to find evidence tthat I was wrong about my asshat clown. Sadly all I found was evidence that I was right all along.

Once I finally allowed the truth to sink in...that my perfect husband was in reality a fake, a phoney...a joke who made me live the majority of my life as a lie...I got strong.

The anger helped me so much. It halped me do things that I had been too weak tto do in the past. You can not stick your head back into a hole because it could mean you getting infected with HIV or gonorrhea. You should be tested immediately. Try not to have any contact with him for a little while. This will all sink in then you can dust yourself off and start the long climb back up. You can do it. You WILL do it. WE will help you.


Posts: 174 | Registered: Dec 2012
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did the examiner use control questions to be sure that he could give an answer that would show a truthful response? An example would be "Is your name (WS name)?" The answer shows how your husband responds when answering honestly.

And did the examiner also ask some questions that would induce a deliberate lie to measure your husband's truthful vs. deceptive responses against? An example would be the examiner telling your husband to answer yes to a question asking if he is wearing a red shirt when he is clearly wearing a blue shirt. This gives the examiner a baseline for how deceptive answers look.

It is critical that the examiner asks control questions to measure against. If the examiner followed protocol for using control questions, then I would have to believe your husband is lying.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 4:25 PM, May 25th (Sunday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4145 | Registered: Sep 2005
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he had 8 baseline questions to weed out the nervousness, then the 4 serious ones. I'm so beyond numb right now I'm can't even be mad


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, too much too list, drowning in his sex addiction
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap
Separated, divorce filed, he loves his whore lol

Posts: 453 | Registered: Nov 2013
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are in classic shock. It is the bodies defense mechanism
As some one much older than you, I have heard excuses for many years. I didn't want to believe it happened, neither do you

It happened. trust this it happened. As hard as it is to fathom it happened.

Keep telling yourself. It happened


When someone shows you who they are, believe them


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey I think you should leave for a while, get your ducks in a row, let him experience life without you for a while.
Can you do this?


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5269 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some waywards are stupid and coward like mine.
Presenting a polygraph means that the BS has decided to have the truth. They can't get away.
Why don't they just spill it out when it's just a matter of time and dignity?
And he told you to bring the OW and ask? Like he hasn't hurt you enough already.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 208 | Registered: Nov 2013
Random thoughts
♀ Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since he is still lying to you it means he still doesn't get it....most people believe they can beat a polygraph test...since they lie so well to others...

He failed because he lied period....


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. All I can say is I'm so sorry. That is really terrible. I agree with what others have said - He is lying. He needs to man up. And you need to practice the 180 hard. It's all about you now darlin'. Get mad! We are all here for you, rooting for you!

Sending you strength and hugs!!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still denying. Asked me where we stood now, and if I believe him that he is telling the truth...barf. He says if I don't believe him then no point to continuing marriage. Sadly I'm torn, I just can't believe someone would not come clean after failing, could he have possibly failed when being truthful?


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, too much too list, drowning in his sex addiction
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap
Separated, divorce filed, he loves his whore lol

Posts: 453 | Registered: Nov 2013
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course he is lying. By continuing to lie, deny, and demand a new test, he wants you to doubt the results, doubt yourself, and that is emotional abuse.

He probably had it in mind all along to say the test was wrong if it showed he was not being truthful.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 615 | Registered: Mar 2003
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Jls0320))))) I'm so sorry, honey.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25736 | Registered: Aug 2011
HurtinginSoCal
♀ New Member
Member # 41492
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry...

This is why I fear having my WH take one....

But now you know. I'm so sorry...


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 43
Married 18 years, 3 kids
DDay - 11/13/13, eve of our oldest daughter's 16th bday

Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2013
HurtinginSoCal
♀ New Member
Member # 41492
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry...

This is why I fear having my WH take one....

But now you know. I'm so sorry...

[This message edited by HurtinginSoCal at 1:00 AM, May 26th (Monday)]


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 43
Married 18 years, 3 kids
DDay - 11/13/13, eve of our oldest daughter's 16th bday

Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 35
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