Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: whatdoido21 (45321)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Very Sick Kitty - where to draw the line
lorilook
♀ Member
Member # 22393
Sad  Posted: 5:58 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very sad today. My 5 year old kitty (who I got right after wxh left) is very sick. He is in the emergency clinic and not doing well. He had a blocked uretha that they drained with a cath, but his blood levels are not good. He has to have a surgery to remove stones in his bladder or the problem will repeat. He is at risk for kidney failure and cardiac arrest. I just don't know when to call it quits. I am charging all of his care and it is costing a LOT. It is money I don't really have. How do you know when enough is enough? He is so young and should have so much more life to live. My son (visitation with his dad this weekend) will be devastated. He sleeps with him every night. He has helped us through so much. I can't stop crying.


Me(BS) 44/Him (WS) 47
M-18 years
2 beautiful & resilient children
DDay 12/05/08
False R for 5 months
He moved out 5/1/09
Divorced!
OW#1 has always been alcohol.

Posts: 704 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: MI
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lorilook))))) I'm so sorry, honey. I've never had to make this kind of a call, but I know you will make the right choice no matter what you decide. Hugs to you, kitty, and DS.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25696 | Registered: Aug 2011
Too_Trusting
♀ Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Lori, I feel your pain. I've spent more money than I can count on my pets. It is sooooo hard to know what to do.

I guess the gauge that I try to use is:

1. Can they recover with this medical care?
2. Can they have a good quality of life after this medical care?
3. Are they suffering more with this medical care with only a very small chance of survival?
4. Is age a consideration?
5. Will this likely recur again?

I know that ER vet care is REALLY expensive. I have a JRT that has bouts of HGE (hemorraghic gastro-enteritis) and the ONLY treatment is hospitalization. Each of those visits cost me $1,000 - $1,400, depending on how long she has to stay. I ask myself the above questions, and I guess the deciding factor for me is that I know she WILL recover with proper medical treatment. She's not a young dog (13 y/o), but a small dog has a longer life span. Realistically, she CAN live another 3-5 years.

OTOH, I have a friend that had a 15 y/o diabetic cat. Her cat went into a keto-acidosis crisis, and while the prognosis was that with extreme emergency care, he could recover, she elected to put him to sleep. He was old and had lost a LOT of weight. The care he needed was going to cost $3,000+, and while the $$ wasn't the deciding factor, it was something she had to consider. He had a similar episode about a year earlier, and since it recurred, she felt like the extraordinary measures needed to save him were likely to recur again.

In your shoes, I would probably see how the kitty progresses before making a final decision. You have already got him in the hospital, and it is very likely that he will respond well to treatment. He's young, and that can make a big difference in his ability to fight and get well. There are always risks when a pet gets very, very sick, and I think the vets tell you this so you can make an informed decision when considering the medical care needed. IMHO, just see how he responds and I think you will know, in your heart of hearts, if or when it might be time to say "enough".

I have had pets pull through extraordinary illnesses, so you just never know.

Huge hugsssssssss to you, DS and kitty.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2481 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lori, DS, and kitty)))


Posts: 35801 | Registered: Mar 2011
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you. I really do. I have a "set" amount of money that I keep on hand for animal emergencies. And once I get 1/2 way through that, I start asking myself hard questions.

What are the chances of the pet's full recovery?
How long will they be in pain until recovery?
What is the likelihood of relapse?
What is the final total likely to be, money-wise?

I truly think that the only gift that you can give an animal, is to make their life as pleasant as possible, and if they are going to be in pain, pain that they cannot understand, without a really good prognosis, then it's not worth watching them suffer. In your case, I wouldn't even consider surgery if you're not financially able. Because you don't know if that surgery will cure him, given his kidney risk and cardiac risk. And if either of these risks show up, that's more money that you don't have. It's hard, to make these decisions for a young animal. Lord knows, I've had to make them and it can tear your heart out. But you also have an obligation to your family to NOT go into financial distress over, and this sounds cold, a pet.

No matter what you do, you have my support. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
lorilook
♀ Member
Member # 22393
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much. I am going to reassess after I get the report tomorrow. I will be using your guidelines to help with my decision. They do help to put things into perspective. I also want to make sure DS gets the opportunity to see him. This is so hard. I just want to do my best for him. He has been an amazing cat and an amazing friend.


Me(BS) 44/Him (WS) 47
M-18 years
2 beautiful & resilient children
DDay 12/05/08
False R for 5 months
He moved out 5/1/09
Divorced!
OW#1 has always been alcohol.

Posts: 704 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: MI
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lorilook,

We went through the exact same thing with our cat. He went in for the surgery as an emergency and the vet called us right after and said he wasn't doing well. Every time they called it sounded more dire, after the third time asking if they should take drastic measures to save him if he went into cardiac arrest, we just said no. We were devastated but we knew we did not want to drag it out and have him continue to go through what sounded just terrible for him. Besides the fact that each time they said things like, 'This will be $400 more dollars, or this will cost $$$ more dollars'. It was a terrible decision to have to keep making, not knowing if he was going to even come out of it.

This was DD's cat and she was away at college and it was the day before her birthday. I know what you're going through. I'm so, so sorry.

I'll be sending good thoughts.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37981 | Registered: Sep 2007
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((lorilook)))


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
lorilook
♀ Member
Member # 22393
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is gone. He got worse overnight. Very low BP, difficulty breathing. I raced up the get DS son this am so he could say goodbye. We both decided together that we didn't want him to suffer any more. We both held him as he went. We are both devastated. It is a very sad day. He was an amazing, loving cat. Truly special.


Me(BS) 44/Him (WS) 47
M-18 years
2 beautiful & resilient children
DDay 12/05/08
False R for 5 months
He moved out 5/1/09
Divorced!
OW#1 has always been alcohol.

Posts: 704 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: MI
sadcat
♀ Member
Member # 8637
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry! (((lori)))


I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.


Posts: 13253 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry for the outcome, lorilook. It's terrible when this happens, especially when they're so young. You and your DS are in my thoughts.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37981 | Registered: Sep 2007
Too_Trusting
♀ Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Lori, I am soooooo sorry. It's always so difficult to make that decision, but alleviating suffering is always the right decision for our wonderful fur friends.

Hugs to you and DS


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2481 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{lorilook}}}


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had to make that call too. There are no words to describe how difficult and painful it was.

I'm so sorry for your loss.


DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"I am pretty sure enforcing the boundary is the most important part of the boundary"- Jerry Seinfeld

Posts: 767 | Registered: Mar 2013
notmeanymore
♀ Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never had to make that decision on such a young cat, it must've been very difficult. But know that you did the loving thing by letting him go.

Glad your DS got to say goodbye


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 872 | Registered: Feb 2006
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lori and son)))

Posts: 11742 | Registered: Mar 2008
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lorilook & DS))))) RIP kitty.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25696 | Registered: Aug 2011
lorilook
♀ Member
Member # 22393
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much. We are so sad. DS & I just keep remembering and crying. I am looking forward to going back to work (at a job I HATE) to take my mind off of this loss. I just keep thinking that we should have had so much more time with him. He was so sweet and lovey. He helped me adjust to the weekends when the kids went to their dads and I was alone. He loved us so much too. He would run to the door whenever we came home to welcome us back. It will take us a long time to recover from this.


Me(BS) 44/Him (WS) 47
M-18 years
2 beautiful & resilient children
DDay 12/05/08
False R for 5 months
He moved out 5/1/09
Divorced!
OW#1 has always been alcohol.

Posts: 704 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: MI
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart hurts for you. I can't even imagine how you must feel. I too lost my furbaby less than a year ago, but I had been blessed with 14 years with her first.
(((lorilook and DS)))


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lori & DS)))

I am so sorry for your loss.


Posts: 35801 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.