Hang in there Mel, you'll be alright.
DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug
At this point, it's still not a clear cut outcome but the thing you need to be focussing on is YOU. You do you now. He may come back, he may not. You may not want him if he does.
Are you seeing an IC? You should. You will need this support.
While it is incredible how selfish and broken they are, and the pain of discovering that they will betray us even after tearfully promising to change is difficult to bear, it is so much better to know the truth. It really will set you free if you allow it to.
Usually when someone leaves, they tend to agree to just about anything and be quite generous as a way of trying to keep things from exploding. But then, as time goes on and they can't afford a pack of gum because all their money is going to the BS they deserted, things get ugly real quick and the generosity starts to dry up.
Protect yourself BEFORE this gets to an ugly place.
You are making a good decision by moving closer to your children. They can be a tremendous support to you right now. Having people around that love and care for you can make a big difference.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but having a quick resolution can be a blessing in disguise. The boards are full of stories of false R, only to find themselves divorced years later. (I am one of those. See my tag line...) At least you can move forward and work towards your healing now, rather than years from now. I know it doesn't change the pain that your in, or make it right or fair. For that I am so sorry.
Can I add that you are not very old. I am only a few years younger, and hopefully we have 30 plus GREAT years left. You are getting yourself in great shape with the weight loss surgery and morning exercise. Take all that anger and pain and put it into making the best YOU. FUCK him!
Find yourself a great little place, make it just the way you want it. Make him pay you lots of spousal support and do something you've always wanted to do. Take classes, or travel. Be totally selfish! Spoil the grandkids. Buy a whole new wardrobe on his dime. Its amazing what a new wardrobe can do for a girl at any age . Join a book club. Make a list and start to check stuff off.
I know you don't WANT to do any of those things, because what you really want was taken from you. I struggle with that. I have many great choices and right now my life is full and I am mostly happy, even though its taken a lot of IC and hard work. But, damn it...what I really wanted, well...that wasn't an option and it sucked. And, its not fair. None of it.
Hang in there, I (we) know how hard it is and how much pain you are going through.
(Edited for a few typo's)
[This message edited by Lostly at 2:29 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]
Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.