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Newest Member: Duped12times (45727)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just found out last night its over
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry you are going through this.

BW (me): 41 WH (him): 49
Married 19 years. SD: 26 from his 1st. M. DS: 21 from 1st M. DD: 17 (autistic)
D-day: 10/4/13 with ongoing TT (last TT was 10/2/14).
2 OC with 2 different OW. 7 year EA followed by 8 year PA with my sister.

Posts: 359 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is what I fear about letting my WW back in, even though right now she is still in the fog and doesn't show a keen interest in coming back.

Hang in there Mel, you'll be alright.

"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug

Posts: 386 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
♀ Member
Member # 43520
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh man that totally sucks!

At this point, it's still not a clear cut outcome but the thing you need to be focussing on is YOU. You do you now. He may come back, he may not. You may not want him if he does.

Are you seeing an IC? You should. You will need this support.


Dday: 4th of January, 2014
WH 50
BS 49
18 years of marriage...three children
One affair PA/EA
"You didn't see me I was falling apart, I was a television version of a person with a broken heart." The National

Posts: 273 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I know it doesn't seem like it, but his decision to run to her is a gift. Instead of wondering if he is sincere, you know he isn't. Instead of wondering if he will make the effort to stay and R, you know he won't. He is showing you who he is and now you can believe him. You know you deserve more, and now you can go after it.

While it is incredible how selfish and broken they are, and the pain of discovering that they will betray us even after tearfully promising to change is difficult to bear, it is so much better to know the truth. It really will set you free if you allow it to.

((((& strength))))

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♀ New Member
Member # 43540
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So,,he has been out of the house for 3 weeks, has moved into OW house,,playing house. This weekend he is in WV seeing her mother and the rest of her family.. WTF??? I am so baffled by all of this,,I cry less but OMG, I am in such pain and lonley. I have no family here, I cant leave because of financial reasons. I just am at a loss. Having a very bad day. My MIL has told her son to make himself happy....I told her you have just justified what he has done to his family. She said who is she to judge,,here and her husband did the same thing to each other..I am in a no win situation. i feel like I am on an Island ,by myself with no rescue in sight. I have written up an agreement for the two of us, he agrees to it so nothing is changed at this point for insurance, benefits, etc,,financial changes and budgets have been laid out, we just need to final approve them ,. He has himself paying most/all of the bills of where I am living in our home. I am responsible for my own bills,gas,,food,etc..I JUST CANT EFFING BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING?? Sorry ,just need to vent,,cant do this with my kids,,

Posts: 20 | Registered: May 2014 | From: United States
♀ New Member
Member # 43460
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for you. You'll get some great advice from those who've been through this. I'm only 3 months into this nightmare. You are not alone. Hang in there. Hugs

sometimes love doesn't conquer all

Posts: 27 | Registered: May 2014 | From: NJ
♀ Member
Member # 37907
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gut wrenching. I feel so bad about your situation. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have an unremorseful WS. It woud kill 100x worse. I still struggle in my situation, but at least find moments of joy and I can depend on WH if I am feeling down. My heart aches for you!! Please take care of yourself.

Me: BS 30s
Him: SAWH, 30s sexting, pic sharing & phone sex with men & women
2 kids, M 8 yrs
DD#1 3/08, DD#2 7/11, DD#3 10/12 DD#4 2/14
OW #1 PA from 6/13-8/13 CL Troll
OW #2 EA from 11/13-2/14 online/phone sex A
Taking R 90 days at a time.

Posts: 195 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Mid west
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please tell me you're going to a lawyer with this list to have an official document drawn up?

Usually when someone leaves, they tend to agree to just about anything and be quite generous as a way of trying to keep things from exploding. But then, as time goes on and they can't afford a pack of gum because all their money is going to the BS they deserted, things get ugly real quick and the generosity starts to dry up.

Protect yourself BEFORE this gets to an ugly place.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1899 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read through your thread and was SHOCKED when I came to your post saying he had moved out. Wow....just wow. I am so, so sorry it worked out like this. Its just awful. (((Mel)))

You are making a good decision by moving closer to your children. They can be a tremendous support to you right now. Having people around that love and care for you can make a big difference.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but having a quick resolution can be a blessing in disguise. The boards are full of stories of false R, only to find themselves divorced years later. (I am one of those. See my tag line...) At least you can move forward and work towards your healing now, rather than years from now. I know it doesn't change the pain that your in, or make it right or fair. For that I am so sorry.

Can I add that you are not very old. I am only a few years younger, and hopefully we have 30 plus GREAT years left. You are getting yourself in great shape with the weight loss surgery and morning exercise. Take all that anger and pain and put it into making the best YOU. FUCK him!

Find yourself a great little place, make it just the way you want it. Make him pay you lots of spousal support and do something you've always wanted to do. Take classes, or travel. Be totally selfish! Spoil the grandkids. Buy a whole new wardrobe on his dime. Its amazing what a new wardrobe can do for a girl at any age . Join a book club. Make a list and start to check stuff off.

I know you don't WANT to do any of those things, because what you really want was taken from you. I struggle with that. I have many great choices and right now my life is full and I am mostly happy, even though its taken a lot of IC and hard work. But, damn it...what I really wanted, well...that wasn't an option and it sucked. And, its not fair. None of it.

Hang in there, I (we) know how hard it is and how much pain you are going through.

(Edited for a few typo's)

[This message edited by Lostly at 2:29 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]

BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids Dd 19; Ds 17; Dd 15; Ds 13; Ds 11; Dd 10

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.

Posts: 107 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
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