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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What I thought I wanted
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, there is this guy that I've been seeing...

We talked recently, and I told him that I would like more. I would like to spend more time together, blah, blah, blah.

So, over the weekend, he came to my house unannounced. We spent the evening hanging out, eating, watching tv, etc. Around midnight, he went home to his kids (they are 23 and 15).

The whole time he was there, I was off kilter. My house was a mess, I felt....weird. I had planned on reading and doing nothing all evening. Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed the evening with him, but it just unexpected.

Crazy cat lady? Yes, I think so. This stuff is so hard.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7820 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you. I'm thinking the solo life is the one I'm actually ready for now, and that's not necessarily a Bad Thing.

It worked really well for my mom in her later years. She was happy as a clam.

The thought of having anyone in my space gives me hives.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:22 AM, May 27th (Tuesday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do you think he caught you off guard? I know for me, I need to be preapred. Having someone drop by unannounced, especially if my house was messy, would certainly throw me off.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2616 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had been texting throughout the day, so while it was unannounced, not totally unexpected.

Usually, he gives me a "heads up" when he leaves the house, so that gives me 20 minutes to tidy the place up.

I was still putting away crap from Wal-Mart when he showed up.

I guess it's personal growth for me, because I didn't actually get hives.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7820 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unannounced in the early days would bug me too. I'm quite the creature of habit and now that I have my beloved alone time back I guard it fiercely.

One Sunday a month I like to spend the whole day in my PJs and not see anyone. My friends understand - romantic friends not so much.

Was it him or the fact that you hadn't had time to prepare?


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It wasn't him. It was the state of my house - 4 dogs generate a fair amount of "tumbleweeds".

It's not even the early days - it's been 18 months of off/on seeing this guy.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7820 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would definitely feel out of sorts.

If it has been that long then I would say next time you discuss going over to your house ask him for to call you when he leaves just in case you have to run out for a minute which could be the case if you realize there are no paper towels etc.

I am into less drama these days and I would be on pins and needles if someone felt like they could come over anytime.

I think he does like you regardless of the state of your house


Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2012
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It always throws me off someone dropping in unannounced. I'm more of a planner so it just makes me feel off kilter.

As for the state of your house, after 18 months its okay to let him see your place a bit messy. You'll probably feel much more relaxed going forward since he's seen it at it's worst.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3533 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know I like him. You know I think you're holding him at arms' length because you're afraid. You know you ought to stop.

Did he mind the mess at all?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13876 | Registered: Jul 2011
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He didn't mind the mess because I fed him a "big ass steak" - his term, not mine. Which is probably why he was so hot to show up!

He didn't even mention the mess at all.

I have to keep reminding myself that I can't control everything in my life.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7820 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dunno….this sounds kinda like…"real life".

When my current guy came over for the first time, I purposefully didn't have the house spotless. That isn't how I really live. I have a dog and 2 kids. The house can't stay spotless.

I think it sounds good.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4231 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Topic Posts: 11

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