Thanks for encouragement. I did tell her that it bothers me that she changed her password (I did figure out the new one so I knew there was nothing she was actually hiding). She said she had to change it and gave me a new one even without being directly asked. It was all matter factly and we did not discuss our feelings about it, but still I think we had another positive step towards true R. thanks guys!
This is really good. Telling her what you felt was important, and her responding in a way to help you feel more secure. She can do that and still feel ashamed, embarrassed, etc.
The idea that one can spy on his/her spouse just means to me that there is a huge divide in the relationship. There shouldn't be secrets IMO. detail,