So, my problem is, I want to tell him I know. I mean, he dated during our marriage so this doesn't surprise me, but it's just that urge to let him know that I know. But I realize I can't. What do I tell myself to stop this desire to tell him? And stop snooping?!
Also, over the weekend, I got both of my kids (13 & 15) back from him in tears because he made them feel sorry for him. He is sick and he absolutely loves pity. I cannot stand him!!
Don't tell him that you know the latest. It doesn't matter. You are divorcing and the A was a deal breaker long before this idiot and his niece ever came along. If there was a chance at R or you were talking about it, then you would have to somehow let him know that you know he's full of shit. Since I don't see where R is anywhere near the table, don't bother. Liars lie and cheaters cheat.
None of the stuff that happens after the fact matters. It only hurts if you keep looking. Remember how you feel right now - pissed off, sad, confused - and keep thinking of that the next time you want to log on to see what he's been up to.
As far as the kids go, get them into counseling - they will need help navigating through his manipulation and you will need guidance on how to handle their moods when they come home. That's the only thing to do now - don't look to him to help you with any of this. Look to the outside - friends, family, SI, and professionals - he will only make all of this worse.
I'm sorry you're upset. It sucks. But, stick to NC and the matter at hand. Who he dates is irrelevant now, just like his empty words.
I think the snooping helps. You SEE that he's manipulating you. There's no more doubt that he's been lying to your face. But DO NOT tell him you know. IT DOESN'T MATTER and can only get you into trouble. You DO NOT want him back right now anyway, and so there is no reason to contact him. Just 180 and IGNORE him.
And try very hard not to look, and picture that he can see when you do. You've got better things to do than see what he's up to with his new flavor of the week. It is NOT a reflection on YOU. Don't let his actions depress you at all. HE'S A DOUCHE. Drop that guy like a hot potato and focus on you and your kids.
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
Also wanted to thank everyone, again. I love all of you and am beyond thankful for SI.
Please don't let his opinion of you affect your opinion of yourself. Be strong and brave and proud of yourself.