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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Besides the affair, what about the little stuff?
justafool
♀ Member
Member # 23195
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where is the line between being too controlling, even paranoid, and just understandable comfort checking? What I mean is how do I know if I am too controlling of him, asking too much from him?
Also, to be fair, she (supposedly) rode without touching him. Small comfort, I think.


Five years into reconciliation, and still hanging in there!

Posts: 299 | Registered: Mar 2009
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't believe in this concept of "too controlling." What does that even mean? You state your boundaries, he can choose to abide by them or not. Then you decide how you want to handle his decisions.

So many BS were told they were "controlling" when their waywards were in their affairs, that they begin to believe it. And you aren't. You are recovering from the gaslighting.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6542 | Registered: Jan 2011
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Communication isn't always easy. I spent years wishing my husband would just 'know' the right thing to do or say.....but he is not a mind reader and neither am I. I also found I had to change my thinking that it was controlling to express my needs/wishes to my H. It's not...it's what adults do every day in business to achieve goals and marriage is much the same...we all have goals for our marriage and we can't reach them if we are left on our own to guess how to reach them. And there are ways to express them that can push people away and ways to bring people together.....these are things my H and I needed to learn.

I think IC would help work this out and if you haven't read The Five Love Languages, you might find some help there too.

Almost forty years with my H, I've learned we are always changing and don't know each other as well as we ever think .....talking, writing, listening.... being open with each other is the key we used to find our way back to 'us' and the best way, IMO, to keep the 'us' in our marriage.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1712 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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