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Newest Member: lookingforhope79 (45081)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It never ends!!
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I swear my life is turning into an episode of Jerry Springer. Apparently the stbxh gave his IC permission to call me today. Some of you might recall that stbxh texted me last week asking me to "search deep within my heart and ask myself if a divorce was what I truly wanted". So, the IC calls me and I explain to her that I worked my butt off for an entire year at what turned out to be a false R. I see she said but your H is holding on to that little bit of hope that all of this can be worked out. Please bear in mind that MC is not my specialty but your H needs to know for sure where you stand. Excuse me? My stbxh is living in OUR HOME with his affair partner!! Well she said they aren't actually living together but she does spend a significant amount of time there with him. And? Does that sound like a man who wants to salvage his marriage to you? Doesn't it seem odd that he would continue to turn to the AP? The very person who played a significant part in the destruction of our marriage? Well she said It would seem that he is in pain and is seeking comfort in a very unhealthy manner. Gee, you think? And what about the pain that he caused me since DDay? I stood there and swallowed every bite of the shit sandwich he served me. He is free to make a choice but he is NOT free from the consequences of his choice. Well she said it would appear that your decision to divorce is something that you feel you need to do.


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
RedWheelBarrow
♀ Member
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some people should really stay out of the profession of therapy. Huh? That's f-ed up.


Me: BW 50
Him:Rockstar late 50's
DS: 10 , so precious.
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
Divorced!

Posts: 114 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely glad to hear that MC isn't her specialty. Crickets to that shit. Cheese house. I'm sorry you had to listen to that bullshit. ((((lovehonorcherish))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25532 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never heard of an IC making this kind of call.

Do you have her name/number? Have you looked her up? It seems highly unprofessional to me. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a complete fabrication. I'd kind of be surprised if it wasn't.

It's pretty common for WS to lie about what their IC says as a part of their manipulation arsenal. This just sounds like that on steroids.

I'd even wager that it was either OW or some other OW he has on the sidelines.

This is a mindfuck - how dare they. Don't take any more calls like this.

[This message edited by SBB at 3:22 PM, May 27th (Tuesday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5582 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, just wow. The IC is as delusional as your stbx!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17639 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SBB...right before I moved out of the house/filed for divorce I called our MC seeking a referral for an IC for stbxh. In fact, I am the one who made the initial call to that office and set up the appointment for him so I ended up talking to the IC a couple of times. She told me at that point that she would not be able to speak to me again without stbxh's permission. She has a very distinctive voice and the office number also popped up on my caller ID when she called me today.

[This message edited by lovehonorcherish at 3:39 PM, May 27th (Tuesday)]


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are good therapists and bad therapists then there's always the one that should be in a different profession.

I'm glad you told your truth. That's all you can do. I would not be taking her calls on the future.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5162 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

If she calls you again, I would clearly and slowly in a slightly loud voice tell her:

I cannot help you meet the needs of your client.

Sheeeeesh....

Sorry she is trying to make WH your problem or thinks that you are part of the solution.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5842 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very strange. I can see an IC calling another IC to discuss common patients (with permission) but not directly. Dude should get a new IC.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 707 | Registered: Aug 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So according to his therapist, it really is all your fault?

Yeah, I wouldn't be expecting any big changes to result from his therapy.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1995 | Registered: Jan 2013
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Pass, the IC probably thinks it's my fault. Stbxh is rewriting history with friends and family already and he hasn't had a penchant for telling the truth this past year : (


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
Cookie7088
♀ Member
Member # 30038
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You may want to report this counselor. I have never...and I mean, never, heard of a counselor making contact with a third party to intervene and discuss issues such as this in a phone call...

This is highly unprofessional. Many times, the counselor may leave an open invitation to an appointment/session with the primary client whereby discussing this in an open session between you, him and her....but I... wow....just wow!

[This message edited by Cookie7088 at 4:58 PM, May 27th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 667 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: U.S.
GingerAle
♀ Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you had to deal with that ((((lovehonorcherish))))


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 422 | Registered: Nov 2011
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is hard to believe there are such shitty therapists out there actually making money. The Dooosh and I saw one such therapist as a MC years ago. He started seeing her on the sly when he started his affair (yanno, cause of the guilt and all) and she basically did the same thing without actually talking to me.

I became the scapegoat for all that was horrible in his life, his marriage, caused his health issues, made him cheat, blah blah blah.

My IC could not believe some of the bullshit I relayed to him.

Oh, and she became the IC for the whore too. What a joke!

Chin up. You know the truth, and there is nothing you can do to change who he is. Let it go....


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3605 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amazing how these liars think that everyone else lies too. So of course you don't really mean it...

your H needs to know for sure where you stand.

You have told him where you stand, you are divorcing him. End of story.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1803 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
lost_in_toronto
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you sure this call was from his IC and not the OW posing as his IC and fishing for information? Just sounds so incredibly unprofessional.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1670 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lost in toronto I am sure the call was made by the IC from her office. The number was programmed into my smart phone when I called her office to schedule the original appointment and that is the number that popped up today when my phone rang. I'm not upset that she called, I'm actually glad that she has heard my side of the story. What bothers me is that stbxh just doesn't get it! When I first found out about the A/AP I was devastated. I was relieved when he asked if I would be willing to work toward R...but the first thing I said to him was this: I'm willing to give our marriage another shot providing that you can be open and honest with me. But if I ever hear that you are still involved with the AP I will divorce you with no questions asked. What the hell did he think was going to happen when I found out he had taken the A underground? He knew there would be consequences and he just didn't care. It infuriates me that he is playing the abandoned spouse whose wife gave up on the marriage. That's what makes me so damn mad about all of this needless drama today!


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we were in false R, X went to his IC "confused" because I was leaving him. (It's called consequences). She told him that he had "voted with his feet" to choose OW because he had willingly violated my trust again.

Feel free to borrow that phrase the next time his IC calls.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 18

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