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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just when I think i have it together
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dropped kids off this morning. Had a brief exchange with stbxh via text...he was asking personal questions about new possible friend/interest...

Knock at front door and its stbxh and he needs to talk to me...I didn't let him in the house just talked to him outside.

Long story short, he doesn't want the divorce... Is moving out of gutter pigs family home into a male friends home...wants to do individual counseling and get back into his recovery program....


I'm floored. I didn't give him an answer, told him I needed to process everything. I'm keeping my plans to get my own place, everything as planned.


I cried so hard I felt like throwing up. I am reeling right now.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1327 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Renee))

Not sure what to say. I can't fathom the feelings of this. I can't imagine my X doing this.

Take the time you need to figure out how you want to respond.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 725 | Registered: Aug 2013
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((( renee )))

Your signature says that your WS is SA.
Was he officially diagnosed? Is he in ongoing treatment for it?

SA by itself would make me think twice about reconciling, then think three or four more times on top of it.

Second, has he done anything (besides SAYING he's moving in with a male friend) to start earning your trust, etc?

In other words, what's different today than it was last week or the week before?
I'd proceed with the divorce. If he's serious, there's nothing stopping you from dating him AFTER he's worked on his issues.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6540 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((renee))))) You've been through so much, honey. It's so selfish of him to expect you to drop the divorce because he doesn't want it now.

If he truly wants to change, he will do so whether the D moves forward or not. Keep to your plans. His actions will tell you the truth.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25770 | Registered: Aug 2011
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wasn't it just yesterday that your "evil plan" to break him and Gutter Pig up worked? So now he's all alone and needs a plan B....


“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

― Mark Twain


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1866 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its called Hoovering. He is trying to suck u back in. It only works if u let it.

What is best for U. ? Think 2 years from now. R u happier free from the mind gAmes And abuse. Or do u c a happy U?


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I scheduled an appointment with my IC for Thursday....I'm not answering him for right now and my plans are still in tact. Regardless of his actions I am getting my own place and continuing to focus on me. I will not waiver there.

I don't know even with consistent proven actions that I can get past what he did in the last year.

I wish we could replay our experiences through our eyes for them.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1327 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I look at your signature I have to advise you to keep on your track. I don't think you'll ever feel emotionally or even physically safe with this man....always wondering when the next shoe will drop and you're always going to be at risk of him bringing home another disease or losing part of your income to a child support check somewhere.

Poor muffin is getting worried it's going to get real now. I would damn sure not be his safe place to fall.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So.. He found out you have a new interest and he wants back in... I guess once your available to STBXH he won't want you.

Classic move, really...

Stay strong. Look for consistent action over time before making rash decisions.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

According to your signature line, you have been having D-Days with this guy for 11 years.

11 YEARS!!!

Do you really think that he's going to change?

He won't -- people's personalities do not change. He's shown you who he is.

If you go back to him, you're going to just keep having D-Days. That's who he is.

You are young enough to get a do-over and to have real love in your life. This guy in incapable of it. Please want more for yourself.

(((renee21)))


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3409 | Registered: Dec 2011
hurtyetstrong
♀ Member
Member # 38372
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This:

According to your signature line, you have been having D-Days with this guy for 11 years.
11 YEARS!!!

If you knew on DDay #1 what you know now, how would you have reacted? Would you sign up for 11 more years of this crap or run kicking and screaming?


Me: BW (30)
Him: WH (31)
2 DDs - 4yrs & 2yrs (as of Oct 2014)

multiple PAs

Filed for divorce May 16, 2014
1st court hearing October 23, 2014 (hopefully will be final!!!)


Posts: 156 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 11

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