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Newest Member: Alaska77 (44743)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I want off this ride!!!
neecee
♀ Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg! I dont think I can bare this rollercoaster of emotions. One moment I'm filled with sadness, then I sit and think of the A and then I'm filled with rage. Part of me still loves and misses my WH and then the other part of me wants to run him over!!! I've kicked him out of the house for a minimum of 12 months, and its only been 3 weeks, how will I endure life as a single mom from now on? He comes to the house to help with our 3 kids. Its hard for me to be around him, yet I like it when he's here!!!!!!WTF??? He's begging for forgiveness and is so remorseful. All I want for him right now is to be my puppet and do whatever it is that I ask! AND HE DOES!!! And I am ENJOYING that, what the hell is wrong with me?? Is that wrong ? Anybody else finding themselves un the same situation????


What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.....I should be dead by now!!!!!
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years in 3 weeks
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 86 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm home on maternity leave right now with our second child, and our first is almost 3, so she goes to preschool during the day, I pick her up at 3 and by 5:30 I'm watching the window willing my WH to be home. And then I hate myself for wanting him around so badly.

I'm letting myself off the hook for these mixed emotions, because parenting two small children is HARD! And I don't have the mental stimulation of my career to keep me balanced.


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 372 | Registered: May 2014
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3 weeks is a very short time...I know you said 12 months. I would not set a timeline for this...take things moment by moment, hour by hour and then day by day.

If your H is sincerely remorseful then only you can decide if you choose to walk the hard road of R or the hard road of D. Both suck.

I would highly recommend IC for your both. He needs to understand why he did what he did and fix it. You need objective help to process the mountain of pain you have been put in. I hear of many people doing this on there own but NO THANKS is my advise. Get as big a support group as possible. This stuff can eat you alive.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please be gentle with yourself right now. That you are having feelings is a good thing. I know it doesn't feel good, but please allow yourself to, and without judgement if at all possible.


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.

Update...he


Posts: 707 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((neecee))

I concur with justinpaintoday.

I would highly recommend IC for your both. He needs to understand why he did what he did and fix it. You need objective help to process the mountain of pain you have been put in.

It's difficult for me to even remember the first few weeks: no sleep, anger, hurt, inertia. You can't get off this ride for a long time but you can't enjoy it either (and you didn't buy a ticket, it was forced on you). You're just going to have to get through it.

So many couples have trouble communicating. And processing what happened. An IC or MC can definitely help. Make sure you feel the counselor is a good 'un! Our first MC was not a good fit.

Good luck to you!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 391 | Registered: Nov 2013
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, neecee. None of us want to be on this horrible ride. The best you can do is just hang on tight and get through the bad moments one at a time, as best you can, knowing that it doesn't stay this intense forever.

That push-pull, love-hate is also pretty common I think. I certainly feel it. He's the person you're used to going to for comfort, but also the person who caused you all this pain. He's remorseful and sad, and you want to respond to that emotionally, but he is also the person who CHOSE to dump this enormous load of shit on you and destroy your life.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, just many things terribly wrong with the situation you are in. I think you're doing the best you can with what you have been handed, as are the rest of us.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day or one hour at a time. You're going to be OK.


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Back on the coaster. Who knows?

Posts: 326 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
SadInNC
♀ Member
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi. You're on the rollercoaster from Hell. All you can do is hang-on and I hope you have someone to talk to. IC? Posting on here is good, too.

All I want for him right now is to be my puppet and do whatever it is that I ask! AND HE DOES!!! And I am ENJOYING that, what the hell is wrong with me??

Affairs mess us up and suddenly we don't even recognize ourselves anymore. I acted like a crazy ass lunatic lady during the first month or so. Cutting up his clothes, pillows and destroying his shit. I was like, "who am I?" "WTH am I doing right now?"

Stay strong and keep posting. We are here for you!


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You say: "He's begging for forgiveness and is so remorseful. All I want for him right now is to be my puppet and do whatever it is that I ask! AND HE DOES!!! And I am ENJOYING that, what the hell is wrong with me?? Is that wrong ? Anybody else finding themselves un the same situation????"

I had to chuckle when I read this. The same thing is happening over here. My H is so happy I have forgiven him and, to show his gratitude or our of sheer guilt, he also is doing whatever I ask. And I, too, am enjoying it. But here is my concern (for both you and me):

I wonder if they will grow tired of doing what we ask or, worse yet, begin to resent us for "turning them into our puppets". I look at what we have now and can't see it continuing for the long run. And once they stop feeling guilty and/or sorry, what then? We need to prepare ourselves for the day the other shoe drops. Not they will cheat again - I DO NOT mean that! But the day when they return to the person they used to be. I wonder - will my H settle into being the awesome guy I fell in love with 25 years ago? Or will he become more like the jerk that caused our relationship to go into a hyper-freeze about 7 or 8 years ago?

What can we do to make sure they remain loyal, kind, giving, and happy - without feeling like they are being taken advantage of? (Not that we are really doing that, but you know what I mean...)


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 328 | Registered: May 2014
Topic Posts: 8

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