I'm sorry, ABS, and hope court proceedings end up the way you want them too.
I used to have similar responses to emotions and have learned how to stuff them in. In the "olden days" I was also very social when I was upset. Now I am not.
Other things I've learned are along the lines you are. I've had some money struggles before the house sold and could not buy very small things. XPervert would not help me buy a sippy cup, but had gas money for a large truck, outings for OW and her kid and so on.
I no longer pay attenton. It is a relief but took a long time.
XPervert and lawyer are highly NPD. Whenever my lawyer caught a "mistake" on their part, there was always a reason, actually a non reason, or blame for someone or something else. FWIW. I got over that in a few minutes and changed my focus and it really helped.
For a long time when I got home this week, I have been very stuck on my losses. And prior to this, almost to the point of the old disfunction and depression. I can catch myself on my own though and hope you'll be able to get to that point someday. It's like a rainbow in the sky, the first moment you realize you were going along your day and not thinking about x, skank or the past. Only today matters.
Facebook doesn't matter, either. It's what many people would like life to be. One of the best things I did was cancel mine altogether.
Gently, we do not matter. We are x's past. The Ow's are what matter to them and sometimes not even them. Only x matters to x and once that gets in our heads, it's better. Even kids do not always matter to x. Some things I fought like a dog for, for my kids, have shocked people who didn't know all the details about him. That he was going to take away from kids and then blame his lawyer again. Or the sun. Or like mili vanilli, "blame it on the rain".
Because...they didn't do anything!?
Best wishes for peace after court. -A13.Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.