NC Since 6/7/2014
This is what she wrote:
Hey Katie, how are you? I have just spoken to Lucas and regarding the laptop he gave you, he didn't realise you having it was like a gift and he feels bad to take that from you since you have done nothing wrong and wants you to keep it. He's not looking for a reply he just wanted you to know and obviously with you both not contacting one another I said it was best if i pass it on to you. He will contact you at the end of June when he has the money for you hun Xx
I feel better knowing that she knows and me not having to tell her to try and initiate contact with her. As i asked for no reply, i just merely wanted her to know.
I am obviously still upset, and every little thing i see thats coupley, and with them being happy, smiling joking is a trigger for me, as pathetic as that may be, as it makes me think of my own self worth and that I wish i could have been like that, instead of what i was like in the relationship. I just can't wait for this IC, i wish it could all happen sooner. There's so much i want to talk about and say.
I went to another club as i knew she wouldn't go there and would not bump into her. The only issue is that ther is no signal available there. I go out for a cigarette and i get messages from her saying .
Answer me now, Cleary I dont give a F**k with xcc on the end. and a answer your phone.
I have tried to call and message back. To no avail. So im really confused as to why, and what to do now.
You seem to me to keep trying, then you mess up, so then you try to fix it, which just gets you into another mess.
Here's my old person life experience advice: please stop trying to contact your XGF. Don't contact her directly. Don't send a message via someone else. Even if you are trying to apologize, clarify, make it better...please, Hun, just stop.
Don't go to clubs or pubs etc where you know she might be. That just puts both of you in a painful position.
You are causing your XGF pain, and you are causing yourself pain.
I'm glad you are going to IC. Keep working on yourself. You're still young -- it's good that you're doing this work now.
I understand, I guess because we were all talking about it, and i asked advice off other people it seemed like a good idea. I see now that it was wrong, but I guess the positive out of it is, that I don't have any other reason to contact her only in regards to the money, which my sisters partner said she will contact my XGF and ask her how she wants it, so I am not contacting her directly.
I do try and not go to those certain clubs, as the town i live in is very small. I didn't go the other day as i thought she might be going out there. And even though I wasn't there for the whole night, i decided to go to another place, where she wouldn't have gone. As i was doing everything she asked ignoring her, giving her no eye contact, making sure to avoid her.
I originally never wanted to go to that place. But all my friends were going, and they said that they would look after me and that it will be fine, so i trusted them.
I got a call off of her this morning, she was upset and angry, argued about the laptop which i guess i anticipated. But then asking why I would message saying I care. That she only wanted to punch me in the face. And that she doesn't know why she wanted to speak to me. I guess the one worry i got is will this always happen after shes been drinking wanting to call me and speak to me. She was shouting at me over the phone, and i was speaking calmly and trying to not to argue. She then had hung up. I did try to call back as I didn't know if it was just the phone cutting out, but there was no answer, i believe she just denied the call.
So I am not calling back or messaging back unless she contacts me. As I don't want to harrass her. I just wish there was something I could do.
I am just really confused as to why she would want to speak to me, I understand she is drunk and emotions are running high. It's just all confusing for me and I don't know what to do
I hate myself so much right now, and just wish i could hold her in my arms, and try to start making everything better. Even though I know its never like that.
I want to go back to a point you made on your third post on this thread. You claim you didn’t want to pay up to your ex GF because “you don’t want to get into debt”…
Friend – once you owe somebody you already ARE in debt…
It becomes a question whom you want to owe money to rather than whether you are in debt or not.
Then it’s also a question of whether the person you owe money to wants to lend you the money or not.
And right now IMHO you are using the debt to your ex GF as a reason to allow her a handhold into your emotions…
To me you sound a lot like someone fresh out of rehab that’s really committed to never drinking again… But still refuses to throw away that expensive and good bottle of whiskey with the intent of “only looking at it, maybe sniffing and offering friends a shot on special occasions…”. Or refuses to throw away the collection of miniature liquor bottles “because they look neat”.
In nearly 10 out of 10 cases the above alcoholic starts drinking again… The brain is committed to recovery but the soul isn’t there already…
Add to that your insistence to go to clubs she might be at. Add to that your excuses to why you have no options but to go to THAT club.
Add to that all the niggling reasons you find to break NC – directly and indirectly…
Add to that the time you spend talking to others about NC…
Granted she’s not making it any easier in HER constant breaks from NC…
In a sense it’s like you are both getting off from the drama.
Look – I’m going to make one suggestion:
Either you both commit to another chance. If you do then lay out the boundaries and the guidelines. Lay out what work you two will do to reconcile. And then DO IT.
Beg, borrow or steal the money needed to pay her back. Get each and every item that might be hers back to her and get each and every item that might be yours back from her. Write off whatever doesn’t return or is disputed. Remove each and every excuse or reason she might have for contacting you INCLUDING looking for reasons and all that bull. Then COMMIT to NC and focus totally 100% on YOU.
I went for a walk with my Auntie and her partner today, along the beach and talked about it all. She knows about everything. They have been together now for two years but were on and off before ever since they were young. I am guessing due to similar situations.
I said that I want her back, and that its insecurities i let get the better of me. I accept that everything that I have done up to this point and that I want to change and win her back. I know I will probably get a lot of NO's and Why are you doing this. But I guess with a family member whose known me all my life and has been through the same situation they know all the ins and outs of myself, whats going on and they use what they have experienced.
I am still determined to go to the IC, that's not going to change I know in myself that I need it, and want it. As I am not going to let my past dictate the person I want to become. I know its going to take time, But I want to win her back. And the advice and suggestions my Auntie gave me from her own experience really made a lot sense.
Bigger - I am going to try and go for the where we both commit for another chance. I know its going to be hard work, but for someone so special, beautiful and the love I hold for her, I want to do this.
I know everyone will have different opinions to myself about this. But we have tried the whole NC and its not worked, for either of us. So I need to find another way.