And badchoice, I love this. It's an excellent analogy:
At one point I equated it to the scene in Fight Club, where the Edward Norton character realizes he is Tyler Durden, and he starts to see that it was him all along. Re-living parts of his life from that persecptive. I had so bought into my fantasy, that I effectively split myself in two (and 3 at times) in order to survive it.
My best thinking brought me to SI.
WOES, good list! Lately I've been noticing how often SI maxims pop up, including:
You can't "nice" him/her back.
NC equals no new hurts. (ETA apparently I can't use an equals sign?)
Don't issue an ultimatum unless you're prepared to follow through with consequences.
Must be dozens of them. Has anyone ever compiled a list?
[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 2:53 PM, May 31st, 2014 (Saturday)]
The strangest part is how he reinterprets reality to make me out to be perfect. I outed the A to his BW in order to end it once and for all, for everyone's sake but most of all my own. It was a HUGE betrayal of his trust, as I'd fully intended - after repeatedly trying and failing to end it on my own, I figured the only way was to anger him enough so he wouldn't want me anymore.
Well, his silent anger lasted maybe a week. Then he forgave me and, with tears in his eyes, told me he felt terribly guilty for how he'd treated me, for hurting me so much that I'd betray him as I did, and he felt it was all his fault. Some time passed and he told me that he respects my desire for honesty and that maybe in the end it was for the best, because he found out some truths about his marriage that he wished he'd known all along (i.e. his ridiculously hot foreign wife married him for a visa not out of love... well duh, dumbass). Some more time passes, we are friendly again, he tags along to my running group, has some drinks, and tells me he thinks my disclosure saved our "relationship", as otherwise I likely would've reached the end of my patience and begun to hate him. So he's happy I did what I did because it was somehow for the sake of our continued friendship. Amazing fantastical reinterpretation right?