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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Work on Me
Alexisk17
♀ Member
Member # 39566
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems that the BS is always encouraged to "work on themselves" after Dday. Well, I did... and just wanted to share a small victory in that regard.

After dday I decided to fulfill on of my longtime goals, a career change. I have wanted to work as a yoga teacher for years but have felt bound to my office job for a regular paycheck. I didn't want to take the extra money and time of training away from my family. Deep down I didn't feel I was worth it. WH spent lots of time away from us for various hobbies but I felt as if I needed his "permission" to do that for myself.

After dday I said screw it! I enrolled in a two year training program and am just wrapping up my first year. I have just registered with a local community centre to teach my first class which starts at the begining of July. This is such a scary and exciting first step, but it means so much to me.

Not only am I proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone but I am immensly proud of WH for supporting me through it. This was a huge test for our relationship but he passed with flying colours. He was home with the kids for every weekend workshop and the classes I attended weekly. NEVER ONCE did he ever question how much time I was spending away or whether we could afford the course fees. This commitment on his part has helped my healing immensly.

It dawned on me this morning that I have deserved this all along. This was the relationship that I have deserved since the very begining and never asked or demanded from WH. Our old marraige is dead, and THANK GOD! I could never go back to that old way of living :)

So, a note of encouragement to anyone who is scared of stepping out of their comfort zone or afraid to spend the time they deserve on themselves. You won't regret it


BS (me) - 27
WH - 28
2 sons (born 2010 & 2013)
Married: 2009
Dday: March 2013
R: May 2013 - MC and IC

Posts: 87 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
HowToLiveWithIt
♂ Member
Member # 18662
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations to both of You! It was great that you decided to do it, gave him a chance to prove his commitment and that he took the chance and passed the test. Thanks for sharing this positive story. Way to go!!


Me BH 50, seemingly married happily 25 years
Wife 47, had 3 PA affair, last one developed as EA but then turned PA and sporadic meeting 2 times a year at conferences but lasted for 8 years. Trying to reconcile.

Posts: 64 | Registered: Mar 2008
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that's a great story!


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

“Slide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4530 | Registered: Dec 2010
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best part of having to go through this journey was the healing I allowed myself.

I am so happy for your success and good mojo for your upcoming class!!

Good for you!!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you, Alexisk. What a wonderful accomplishment. Thank you for sharing. You made me smile.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 400 | Registered: Jan 2014
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neat! Congratulations and best of luck!


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9773 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Daisy312
♀ Member
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats! I think that this is one positive that I got out of the A as well. I don't feel guilty taking time for myself or doing things for myself. You are so right that this is what we always deserved, but I think many BSs are selfless people and we forget about ourselves.

Posts: 245 | Registered: Sep 2012
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Namaste!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4588 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
PollyA
♀ Member
Member # 40567
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this!!


BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -

Posts: 105 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PollyA
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations, Alexisk! What great news. Hurray for you for following your dream!

BTW, I don't know how I would have gotten through these last (almost) two years without yoga. I love the idea that you will be spreading calm and strength (both inner and physical).


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 361 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 10

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