I know a few days ago he was deciding if my BFF is a friend of the relationship or not. So idk if he is upset because I talked to her. I just feel like I lose in this situation and I don't know what to do.
I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!
That's your business, the two of you, instead of going to someone else you need to continue to talk to bf without being defensive and keep working to rebuild trust.
I thought he would be happy that I was telling the truth, but instead he gets upset? I'm so confused.
There is nothing to be confused about. He doesn't trust you. You need to consistently tell the truth, be transparent and consistent for a very long time. Then he might start trusting you again. You need to be patient.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
It's better in the long run, for both of you.
* I am a RS (Recovering Scumbag)
* Do as I say, NOT as I did. :-(
* I acknowledge the grace I have received. I know do not deserve it.
Like most of the others have been saying - Just continue to be honest and open about everything. And with time should hopefully be able to start trusting you again. Its about you being patient, and letting him heal as well
NC Since 6/7/2014
And if you haven't already, I think you should talk to him about your thought process and intentions, and let him know that you realize you have to handle things differently from now on.
I will never win.
Ok so the whole history thing can be avoided. Install a key logger. It can trace you and give him reports on all activity. Whether history has been cleared or not.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?
I have been open and honest and I understand it's still early and I need to be patient. It took me awhile to realize what you were saying until I read another post and it clicked. She is not in this relationship, I can't run to her and ask for help. I need to tell him how I feel and why and come up with a solution. Thank you for the 2x4, even if it wasn't, it was something that made me upset and I had to analyze why.
I understand that sometimes you have to let things go to heal. If I forgot to pack him lunch or make dinner, sure I'll let it go, but he needs to feel safe with me again and be able to trust me. If I let things go that will interfere with helping him feel safe, then I feel like letting go is rug sweeping and won't help the relationship.
It is very difficult to be I that position, so logically, I tried to find the fastest way to prove to him I was innocent. Made me realize I shouldn't live a life to prove that I am innocent, but to help him trust me through communication and transparency with one another.
Thank you. I continue to give him time and I to work on being more patient. We are in house separated, and both working on ourselves.
I took what you had to say and told BBF my logic behind my thinking and after reading the other posts, I knew that was not the proper way to handle things. I told him that I should have talked to him and told him we could research together why it was deleted. He agreed and was happy that I had gone to SI.
You are absolutely right. I need to ditch the win mentality. A relationship has no place for competitions. But instead think what can I do to help make BBF feel safe without crossing boundaries.
We talked about the key logger and he does not want because he says he does not want to play detective.