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User Topic: Do you naturally detach without trying?
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the initial shock of it all made me unsure and scatterbrained and such. Now at six months out from DDay, when we talk divorce, he just says things like he really will miss our home - dream home we always wanted - since we'll have to sell it. He'll have to rent a one bedroom place to be able to pay child support. He'll have to sell everything he has to do this because of no room in said one bedroom place. It ticks me off!! He did this, so why should I give a shit if he lives in a hole! I don't like guilt trips, so don't do it basically. The more time goes on, the less I care. Does this happen naturally and help us decide what to do? I filed, but was thinking maybe R was possible still. Now, I just want to be away from him when he says things like that.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 877 | Registered: Dec 2013
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Poor baby...he'll have to live in a one bedroom rental. He's not gonna have his dream home ....and your heart doesn't break for him? You don't care about his feeeeliiiings? What's wrong with you?

NOTHING. Good for you. Consider yourself lucky that you're detaching naturally instead of having to work at it. You're obviously a strong, self sufficient woman with a sense of worth. You know you deserve better. You're seeing him for what he is....a self centered, immature baby.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahhh, poor tuttems. He gowan miss his dweam house? I'm getting positively teary-eyed here .... NOT!

The next time he starts one of these self-pity boo-hoos, why don't you tell him that consequences really suck, don't they? All he had to do to keep it was to keep his fly zipped and pretend, really, really hard, to have been a man with some integrity. And he can look the word up with Google if he's not sure of what that means.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4715 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha....I just spit out my diet Pepsi reading your comments. It made me giggle slightly because that's pretty much what I want to say every time he says it.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 877 | Registered: Dec 2013
rollerager
♀ Member
Member # 39175
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just told my fiance, you weren't thinking about losing all these things when you went and slept around.

I told him you made your bed, now lie in it!


BS 22
WS 26
D-Day #1 EA/PA Oct 2011
D-Day #2 EA/PA Feb 2012
D-Day #3 EA/PA Mar 2012
^On going affair with former girlfriend.
D-Day #4 PA April 2013
D-Day #5 PA May 2014

I cannot see any hope in R, I am truly shattered.


Posts: 74 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Missouri
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My answer to your question is YES.
I 'm not sure why, I guess it's because my WH's behaviour has similarities with yours.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 203 | Registered: Nov 2013
angerisme
♀ Member
Member # 37672
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My God they are all such self-possessed little crybabies!!!! He is worried about losing his home when he went and put his entire family in jeopardy. What is worse? Losing your home or losing A FAMILY!!!!

Damn I HATE waywards!!! I dont care who they are...they are selfish little babies who act like 5 years olds. They dont care how many dishes they break as long as they get that extra marshmallow. Well...call me Mommie Dearest and yes...I HAVE WIRE HANGERS!!!!!

whap whop bank bank <WS shaking in fear>


Posts: 174 | Registered: Dec 2012
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My detachment kind of just slowly happened. I made myself look at what he was doing, not what he was saying. When he would talk I would just tell myself, its bullshit, its words. I started thinking about all of the time I've spent trying and all of that time, he was just skating along doing nothing to help me in healing. I guess the blinders came off and.I saw the real him. I hate manipulators, and that's how I view him now. I got really angry about the time that's been spent, time I will never get back and it fueled me to shut 'er down..it may not be healthy but I had to in order to survive. I was dying a slow death and he was sucking the life out of me. I have a calendar and each day I mark off. s one day closer to freedom. At first I.had to say the words out loud, my ws is a cheater and a liar. It's like I.had to hear it to believe it.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4911 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all! Ostrich...that explains me to a tee! He is doing all the actions, but when he whines like this, it removes any good done. It is more of a guilt trip; I hear it in his voice. I don't fall for it.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 877 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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