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Newest Member: js01 (45726)

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User Topic: Anyone Have Mom Who Had Affairs?
♀ Member
Member # 37756
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard to read through all of these stories without aching in pain for all that's been experienced.

I don't think lying is ever the right choice. Talking about things in an age appropriate way is the healthiest approach.

I don't know your story but I'm sure it's similar enough to what we've all experienced.

So here is the truth: people hurt people. We do it every day with our actions, intentionally and unintentionally. Each person is responsible for their own actions. In our family, we are working on making good choices and not hurting each other. We talk about our feelings and we take responsibility when we hurt someone. If we hurt someone deliberately, there's a consequence for that.

when kids are little, the full details are irrelevant. You can keep it pretty generic. If you stay in a situation where there's active abuse or adultery happening, then that's going to have more damaging effects on your daughter than leaving and showing her what a healthy relationship looks like. Remember that she's going to pick the kind of relationship she sees modeled in her own life.

I know it's so hard right now. But don't focus on what the "story" should be. Go with age appropriate information and make healthy choices for your daughter since she's dependant on you for that.

Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

Posts: 600 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 37272
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom was the OW in a LTA. My parents were separated when she met him. His BW was very much painted as the cold, controlling bitch who only wanted to stay married for appearances' sake.

And you know, my mom was my mom; I loved her and looked up to her. I thought she could do no wrong. I accepted everything that happened. I accepted their characterization of the affair. I was asked not to tell my dad about it. My dad and I were not close for a variety of unrelated reasons, but now I don't agree at all with keeping one parent's secrets from the other, in general.

This experience I think definitely colored my views on affairs...I thought it was an acceptable response to an unhappy marriage; that it was justified in the right circumstances. After all, it was good enough for mom

I'm a work in progress.

Posts: 82 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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