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User Topic: What do you think of IC's point of view?
Can Not Believe
♀ Member
Member # 30508
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AmberDust

I get you. You have a RIGHT to be worried. If your husband still has warm-fuzzy feelings for this woman - one who interfered in his first marriage, and now yours - tells me - he is still leaving the door open for her.

How old are your kids? Do they know?

If this woman was around during the first marriage, and now yours - then why did he marry you?

Words are just that - words. Action is something else all together. Your husband's feeling for this home wrecker going forward IS important. After all - YOUR future and the future of your children depends on it.

I think the IC point of view is off - and maybe she should be concentrating WITH HIM about WHY are you letting this women destroy your wife - your children - and your future with your family.

You are in a dilemma.

Can Not Believe


I cannot believe this is a part of my life.

Me: BW - 62 FWH - 62 years old
Married: 41+ years 2 sons (34 & 30)
Possible OC: 32 years old/29 at the time
DD: Friday - August 13, 2010
OC refused paternity test
No Contact since June/2011


Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: New Jersey
Can Not Believe
♀ Member
Member # 30508
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OOPS

duplicate - sorry

[This message edited by Can Not Believe at 1:54 PM, June 1st (Sunday)]


I cannot believe this is a part of my life.

Me: BW - 62 FWH - 62 years old
Married: 41+ years 2 sons (34 & 30)
Possible OC: 32 years old/29 at the time
DD: Friday - August 13, 2010
OC refused paternity test
No Contact since June/2011


Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: New Jersey
AmberDust
♀ Member
Member # 38904
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, don't even get me started on what kind of a message this is to me and the kids, that he can even think about hooking up with OW after D.
To me: "When we were M, I told you I was sorry for all the pain I caused, but guess what, haha, it's not really true because I'm with her anyway!".

OW is still openly pining for my H.
If she finally "gets her way" and H hooks up with her- what does that tell our DD? "If you just wait long enough and proclaim your selfishness openly enough, you will get your way, just like OW. Oh and by the way, f..king a married man is ok, I'm your dad and I am with OW now so it must me ok!"
To my son: "I am the one that caused your mother's heartbreak and all the emotional chaos you witnessed, but ah well, who cares! Selfishness is best and I don't care about being a good role model".

I can't even begin to understand why all of this is not in my H's head. That alone should be a reason for my H to say "Never again".


Posts: 723 | Registered: Apr 2013
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H told my IC that I am the love of his life, and IC says he should make me know and feel that I am the love of his life

So you get this^^^^

It gets even worse, Christy. H says he is totally committed to me, our M and our family. Now. But should we ever get D, he might hook up with her again I feel like he is not letting her go.

I can't imagine you being the "love of his life" if he can so easily throw you under the bus "IF" you don't do what he wants.

He is manipulating you and controlling you with bargaining the OW in front of you as "what he will do if you don't make him happy and forget this whole thing. This is not the actions of someone who is truly remorseful, and you could ask any remorseful WS who would tell you the same thing.

If this is his IC then I would not go again. Period. Seek your own IC to help you get beyond worrying what your WS is or is not going.


Anyway, I feel I have to make a choice. Do I stand by my principles- not wanting to continue the M if he keeps feeling this way because he should reject anything and anyone that hurt me? Or do I try to R, albeit maybe not wholeheartedly but for the sake of the kids, because the alternative- a ruthless, no morals selfish whore OW being the kids' stepmom half of the time is my ultimate nightmare?

I have kids, I get how scary it is to think of anything besides a mom and a dad and the kids under one roof. But you have to stop predicting the future. You can't. If he ends up with this OW then there is nothing you could have done about it anyway. He is using this threat, although subtley, as a way to keep you scared and in limbo. We all want a happy home and a safe place for our kids everyday but it won't be a safe place or a happy place if you sacrifice your happiness to stay in this kind of environment.

You cannot make him do anything or think anything....only you can control what you will do.


Posts: 5674 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Topic Posts: 24
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