H told my IC that I am the love of his life, and IC says he should make me know and feel that I am the love of his life
So you get this^^^^
It gets even worse, Christy. H says he is totally committed to me, our M and our family. Now. But should we ever get D, he might hook up with her again I feel like he is not letting her go.
I can't imagine you being the "love of his life" if he can so easily throw you under the bus "IF" you don't do what he wants.
He is manipulating you and controlling you with bargaining the OW in front of you as "what he will do if you don't make him happy and forget this whole thing. This is not the actions of someone who is truly remorseful, and you could ask any remorseful WS who would tell you the same thing.
If this is his IC then I would not go again. Period. Seek your own IC to help you get beyond worrying what your WS is or is not going.
Anyway, I feel I have to make a choice. Do I stand by my principles- not wanting to continue the M if he keeps feeling this way because he should reject anything and anyone that hurt me? Or do I try to R, albeit maybe not wholeheartedly but for the sake of the kids, because the alternative- a ruthless, no morals selfish whore OW being the kids' stepmom half of the time is my ultimate nightmare?
I have kids, I get how scary it is to think of anything besides a mom and a dad and the kids under one roof. But you have to stop predicting the future. You can't. If he ends up with this OW then there is nothing you could have done about it anyway. He is using this threat, although subtley, as a way to keep you scared and in limbo. We all want a happy home and a safe place for our kids everyday but it won't be a safe place or a happy place if you sacrifice your happiness to stay in this kind of environment.
You cannot make him do anything or think anything....only you can control what you will do.