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User Topic: Encounter with OW
Elliee
♀ New Member
Member # 43220
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel amazing today! The OW saw me in a department store last night and addressed me. I had no idea who it was when I turned around. Then it hit me and I thought I was going to hit the floor. The anxiety started to settle. She wanted to tell me more gory details about her and my H. I found my voice and my backbone.
I couldn't believe her. She is not an attractive woman. Shes very overweight and doesn't have a kind womanly shape. As shallow as that sounds, in the predicament I found myself in, it make me settle and I thought that any man would physically choose me over her. My self esteem isn't as shot and I feel excited this morning. I'm not sure why as i'm still processing emotions and pain, but today I feel good.
I finally got the closure I have wanted over the last 6 weeks. I told her to stay away and we never wanted to hear from her again. I told her if she contacted we would have her in court for harassment. She kept trying to tell me that she was a good person and it was all my H's fault. Everytime she asked about me he told her we were split or not talking anymore, but then she would contradict herself and say she knew I was with him. I called her out for everything and let her know I myself feel she is a horrible person, his family thinks she is a horrible person and my H has said she is very toxic and wants nothing to ever do with her whether we work it out or not. She is upset that everyone thinks shes so bad and wants everyone to realize it's not at all her fault. Shes mad at my H for portraying her that way. With the two conversations I have had with her, once on the phone and now in person, I have discovered that she lies, she is dead set against my H and I being together. I told her we will be fine. I love my children and my H. We are working through it and she will never be a problem again. She turned red and put her head down. She agreed not to contact anymore and said that chapter is over in her life now.
I also told her that my H said he was drawn to her because she has so much drama in her life and he just finds it entertaining to listen to the crazy crap she gets on with. I told her he said she takes people to court constantly, always is needy and plays the damsel in distress, theres always someone out to get her. She didn't deny any of it.
This morning, I happened to look on the court docket just browsing mindlessly with a morning coffee feeling good for the first time in too long and there she was taking another guy to court with a peace bond. SHe did the same thing to my H 8 years ago. I laughed till I cried. I hope I can stay on this high and my emotions don't crash later. It feels good to smile and laugh. I didn't think I ever would again!
I love everyone on here who has helped me through the worst feelings of my life :)

Posts: 17 | Registered: Apr 2014
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great story!!! Good for you for sticking up for yourself. You just endured my biggest fear, running into OW in public like that, and you persevered!!! Stay on your high...that person is NOTHING, and she knows it.

Oh, and they ALWAYS affair down!!! Don't ever compare yourself, because you will always win, hands down!! It doesn't feel that way at first, but once everything processes (and it could be years later) you can't help but know you're above the AP, especially in morals and integrity!

(((Elliee)))


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God I wish I could do that. Props to you and I hope you are able to hold on to the good feelings that came from it.

H still works with COW so I see her from time to time when I visit him at work. Yesterday I was picking up coffees on my way to see him and she was driving in front of me. She parked and went in. I was SO tempted but went through the drive-thru instead, I was shaking and nauseous. I don't trust myself to keep a cool head.

Good for you!!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 829 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Scubadoo
♀ Member
Member # 43079
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Elliee, you are amazing for being able to handle yourself so well, and feel good about it.

Standing ovation to you.

I still feel I would surely be behind bars if I ever run into my WH's slunt. She better be glad we are over 10 hours apart and in different states.


BS (me) 42
WS (him) 48
OW (downgrade) 48
Married 11 yrs
DS 9
DD 8
D-day 10/27/13
8mth

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2014
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an awesome story. You sound like you are in the good zone and the ow can't touch you. Good for you!!


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4729 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
tryingsodanghard
♂ New Member
Member # 43590
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of my encounters were over the phone. I am former Army Infantry and he was terrified of face to face, even though I'm a very peaceful and calm DAD. I did relieve him of his job. He was an AMTRAK conductir, and would sneak her on the train for trysts in St. Louis. I wrote a scathing e mail to Jim Broadman, AMTRAK's CEO, and didn't leave out a single detail, especially about how he was using the rails to move marijuana from Cali to here, but most certainly about the A. They promptly fired his ass. I feel no guilt for this, nor for the pressure it put on him as a child-support paying father of a teenaged daughter. Fuck him and his spawn. I still smile when I think of it.


M in 2005
D's in 2008
Me BH 51
She WW 41
1st D Day 5-2-2012
2nd D Day 5-4-2013
Separated 6-2012
Divorced 9-11-2012
5 yo son, 15 yo SD
After a year of trying, she finally went NC 6-3-2013
In R and domestic partners since July of 2013.

Posts: 35 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South
titanfour
♂ Member
Member # 26750
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a great story,and you will always feel good about that!

I'm with tryingsodanghard. It would have went very badly for OM if I was able to confront him in person. Over the phone he was a coward, and he was fired shortly thereafter when I brought it to his boss.

I like your story because you had courage to stand your ground, hold your head high, until she capitulated. That's STRENGTH.


ME: FBH
HER: FWW
many kids now, 1 then
DDAY: 1987

Reconciled; Sometimes still have hard days, but getting by. Still dealing with feelings I buried,but finally getting them out.


Posts: 264 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: USA
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Much props to you!!! I have yet to run into the OW since this has all happened to me and I have no idea how I would handle it. I can only hope to do it with as much dignity and backbone you did!!!! <<<clapping>>>


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 323 | Registered: Mar 2014
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy it made you happy. To be honest, it made me cringe. What does that say about me? Im trying to go there in my head. Would I do that? I wouldn't. OW wouldn't deserve all of this insight, explanation, and reasoning from me. She wouldn't deserve so much as a glance in her direction. Don't get me wrong, I've ripped her a new one In every conceivable way. In my head. To do anything more would make me feel desperate.

Posts: 288 | Registered: Jul 2012
Elliee
♀ New Member
Member # 43220
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank-you Everyone!
I do feel strong. I still feel great. I can drive up the road and be in public with my H again and not feel like i'm waiting for her to pop out like a monster.
I feel I have closure. She knows not to contact! She knows there will be consequences if she keeps harassing us or I find out she's still trying to suck him in.
I made her turn red! I embarrassed her! Her intention was to hurt me further and solidify the end of my relationship but I made her feel an inch tall.
Shallow again, I'm sorry. She had to see that i'm an athletic person with a hourglass womanly figure, blonde, tanned. She's a bowling pin with thunder thighs! Red hair, pasty complexion, dog joweley cheeks, beady eyes, no eyelashes and a piss poor crazy and destructive personality.
The more we talked the lower she sank and the higher I stood. Out of character for me but for once it felt really good to turn the tables and stand up for myself. I don't think she will be a problem again. If she is he can have her. Everyone who knows us will know he downgraded.
Thank-you for sharing in my high:)

Posts: 17 | Registered: Apr 2014
tryingsodanghard
♂ New Member
Member # 43590
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

See, I believe that's very common. With all of the qualities that caused them to want to marry us, they seldom "trade up." The OM In my case was shorter, not nearly as intelligent, an absentee father, and a hustler. He was also Chinless and had tiny doll hands and feet. My WS tells me she didn't feel like she deserved a good man after the A was in full swing.

[This message edited by tryingsodanghard at 9:10 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


M in 2005
D's in 2008
Me BH 51
She WW 41
1st D Day 5-2-2012
2nd D Day 5-4-2013
Separated 6-2012
Divorced 9-11-2012
5 yo son, 15 yo SD
After a year of trying, she finally went NC 6-3-2013
In R and domestic partners since July of 2013.

Posts: 35 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...i'm waiting for her to pop out like a monster.

I couldn't believe her. She is not an attractive woman. Shes very overweight and doesn't have a kind womanly shape. As shallow as that sounds, in the predicament I found myself in, it make me settle and I thought that any man would physically choose me over her. My self esteem isn't as shot and I feel excited this morning. I'm not sure why as i'm still processing emotions and pain, but today I feel good
.

Love It!!! It seems like you needed to know what the monster looked like. Honey, in some way or another,they always affair down. Enjoy your high.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 377 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Topic Posts: 12

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