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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Harmless date?
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, my best friend made it clear to me that her friend's dad is extremely interested in me....like EXTREMELY. He is AT LEAST 20 years probably older than me......(if he's younger, time has been cruel). I'm not attracted to him, although I've only met him once at a party that they invited me to.

Here's the thing, he has invited me to a party TONIGHT at some big time "Penguin club" that involves him picking me up in a mazzarati (I know I probably spelled that wrong) and treating me to a night of supposedly innocent dinner, drinks, dancing, and shmoozing.....

I don't date guys because of material things. I'm not Madonna and I'm not a material girl even though I live in a material world..... but they think this would be good for me..... I haven't been on a date since August....

So in a new term I have coined up....WWSID??? (What Would SI Do?)


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are the pros and cons of going/not going?

So far, I see:
Pro
-get out of the house
-get to ride in a cool car
-free drinks

Cons
-lead someone on/use him
-reinforce already unwanted attention


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13736 | Registered: Jul 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cons
-lead someone on/use him
-reinforce already unwanted attention

I can't think of a pro that would overcome either of these cons. If you were attracted then I'd maybe reconsider.

But who hits on his daughters friends? As the mother of 2 girls whose father will probably hit on their friends this creeps me the fuck out.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5555 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MY thoughts: There is no such thing as a free lunch

On top of that, he is apparently extremely attracted to you and you are not at all attracted to him. So going on a date with him will lead him n and give him the impression that you maybe are open to dating him. What if this leads to him harassing you for a second date, or worse stalking you?

Plus he is your friend's dad. ick

JMHO


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17629 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ick. As a person that was recently assaulted, I can say this : don't put yourself in a situation in which you could be harmed.

It is so not worth it.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7641 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't think of a pro that would overcome either of these cons. If you were attracted then I'd maybe reconsider.

Couldn't agree more, SBB. I'll be curious to see whether Shelly comes to the same conclusion, or a different one.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 10:57 AM, May 31st (Saturday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13736 | Registered: Jul 2011
Mommato4
♀ Member
Member # 15906
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everyone above. Ick.


Updated 2014:
BS-me 41
XH-doesn't matter
4 kids
Divorced-7/25/08

SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too


Posts: 1378 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just.Say.No.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8002 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WWSID???

It is the "supposedly" innocent part that bothers me the most. The fact that you recognize this enough to put that word in your description and the fact that you offered this up for SI review. Your gut is telling you one thing, your "what the hell" impulse is telling you another. IMHO the "what the hell" impulse always steers you wrong, it may make for some good stories sometimes, but can lead to some disasters too. (I'm learning it can't be trusted to take me where I really want to go)

Proceed with caution if you accept the invitation. (Ask a friend along?) Make it very clear, this is just as "friends" and that you are not interested in him romantically and WILL not be interested in him romantically. Then make it a point to ask if he knows some of men your "own age" who may be appropriate for you.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3127 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
meaniemouse
♀ Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Harmless date" is an oxymoron in this situation as you've described it. This is a perfect time to end this extreme interest with the added creep factor since he is the father of one of your friends.

You can be extremely gracious and at the same time let them both know that this ain't ever gonna happen. Something along the lines of, "thanks so much for thinking of me and I'm sure it would be a fun night out, just not one that I, as a young mother of a toddler would consider." Emphasis on YOUNG and TODDLER. All the while smiling sweetly and in your head saying, "I'd rather eat glass or have a root canal."

I'm really over people who think that just because a person is single or not dating they must be miserable. Or would jump at the chance to ride around in an expensive car with drinks and dinner thrown in with someone that does not interest me in the least. Do people think we are desperate?

Frankly I'd rather order in, drink wine in my yoga pants and sit on the couch with my dog watching reruns of Law and Order. If I want to ride in an expensive car I'll just go test-drive one. Sheesh.


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2110 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Voice of dissent here. Why not try it out? Look at it as an adventure. One freakin' date doesn't mean you are committed to a relationship and required to go on another date.

Guess what? You may be pleasantly surprised by this man. It may be the best date you have ever had in your life. You may find out you have a lot in common.

I say, what do you have to lose? Go have some fun in fancy shmancy world.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9647 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This feels wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.

You are not attracted, you make a snide remark about his age and looks and in what kind of world does a BFF set a friend up with her father? This has train wreck written all over it and might end you with you losing a friend. Bow out gracefully.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No!

Who gaf about a maserati it's a car.
This whole idea is so bizarre. How did you come to know what kind of car he will pick you up in? Who told you this as if it would or should impact your decision in the slightest?

never ever let a man pick you up from your home or drive you anywhere on a first date or the second or the third. There's nothing about the make model or year of car that changes that.

And if he actually told you "I'll be picking you up in a maserati" that is just

I'll just say one more thing and leave it at that, your boundaries are very poor to consider going on a date with a man who is highly attracted to you but you have no attraction for. That should be an automatic no. Accepting anything (gifts, dinners, a loan, whatever) from someone who has clearly demonstrated a different intent for the relationship than what you intend is poor boundaries.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly,

What kind of friend sets you up with her father?

Ick


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5066 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It may be too late for you to read this response, and it may sound a bit paranoid. But what happens if you go on this "harmless" date and this older, very attracted to YOU guy gets a little liquored up during the party and drives you somewhere you have NO control over on the way home and attempts something with you? I had this happen when I was young and naive and thought older guys were all "gentlemen". You don't really even know this man; you've only met him once and weren't attracted to him. It's a bad bet.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel it is icky for a BFF to set a date up for you with her father. I feel it is actually sweet. BFF loves her father, she probably loves She11ybeanz and wants both of them to be happy.

I feel many of you are overreacting. None of you have gone on a date where the guy was more into you than you were into him? And, then on the date, you find out that hey I do kind of like this person. Or maybe not. Isn't it on dates when you find out if there might be something to work with, isn't that what dating is all about? Thats how dating worked for me. *shrug*

eta: I have gone out on dates with guys that I wasn't "attracted" to. Whilst on the date and getting to know the person I would sometimes would wind up being attracted to that person. That has never happened to anyone else, evah?

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 5:58 PM, May 31st (Saturday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9647 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SisterMilkshake, no disrespect, but when was the last time you were on a date with anyone other than your H? A very very long time according to your sig. The world is different than it was 20-30 years ago. Every encounter I have had with a potential date/real date since I have been D, the man brought up sex within the first hour. I am not saying every man does that, I am saying every one I have encountered has. This was shocking to me and I grew up in the aftermath of the Sexual Revolution during the era of "Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll". The boundaries that "gentlemen" used to have are gone, at least when it comes to dates. It is a scary place out there. The last thing you want to do is put yourself in a position where you have to defend yourself from some creep. Maybe this guy is fine, but maybe he is a creep. Why take the chance if you already know you are not attracted?


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17629 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Funny  Posted: 6:59 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are so right, it has been at least umpteen years since I last dated. However, I have a 34 year old daughter who dated and talked to me and I have a few friends that are dating, so I don't think I am that out of it. Who knows, though. He is an older guy so maybe he is more "old school". And, when I was dating there were "serial killers" and just plain killers and rapists aplenty back then, too, that isn't just a new thing.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9647 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my best friend made it clear to me that her friend's dad is extremely interested in me....like EXTREMELY

It will not be a harmless date. It is clear he wants more than a casual one-date type thing.

You are not attracted to him. It would be awkward. He will probably try to impress you.
Most middle-aged men still envision themselves like they were in their 20's. (Just kidding )

You would be a trophy for him.

You are not attracted to him. It is not going to go anywhere from the start.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish some menz would have weighed in on this.

I feel maybe some of them would be offended by the conclusions jumped to. I would like to know how they feel about a woman accepting a date who isn't attracted to them. Many men just want a woman to give them a chance, I feel. But, maybe not.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9647 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Topic Posts: 103
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