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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dear Lurker
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Lurker,

Welcome to SI. The best club nobody ever wants to join.

Sit down and get comfy. I wanna tell you a story.

I was a cheater. Four affairs over the course of 8 1/2 years. The details are gross. Not really necessary. Had a "come to Jesus" moment and confessed to my husband. Immediately started seeking information. Scouring the Internet, searching for resources, trying to find answers. Four days after confession I found SI. A forum huh? Weird. So everyone sits around and talks? Doubly weird. But something pushed me to register. Admins pushed me thru, and my journey on SI begain.

Quite frankly, its humiliating to go back and read my old posts. I was so ignorant and naive. More wayward than I could have ever imagined. Right off the bat, I was called on my behavior. Boy, a bunch of people pushed a bunch of buttons. It was infuriating. They knew me better than I did. They could call the next play before I was even there. But I stuck around. I listened. I worked. And my life started to change.

After finding SI, I didn't look any further. SI was home. Its been home for me since November of 2011. Seen a lot of things happen here. A lot of people come and go. A lot of healing. One thing is constant. Safety. And its probably the #1 reason I'm still here. I am safe to open up my big mouth and say really weird stuff. I can work thru all the icky things in my mind and heart and not be judged. The administration has given the waywards a protected forum to do this. We are safe from anger, flaming, lashing, and hate from others. That's a huge gift.

Had a little time thing morning and was skulling the Internet. Found other forums. I saw waywards like you Dear Lurker. Wanting answers. Seeking advice. And I saw people shred you. There was no protection. Name calling, hatred, and trash was thrown your way. It hurt my heart. Because I know what it feels like to want help and answers. And I can't imagine what it feels like to ask a question and have someone body slam your questions into a concrete wall, then light a match and watch you burn. That doesn't happen here.

If and when you find the courage to post here, you will be called on your behavior, you will be called on your stinking thinking, but you will not be abused. There is a difference between the two. We are challenged here by others who have been there, done that. They can call the next play because they know the game. They know the ins and outs by heart. The comments you receive here are not designed to hurt or belittle you, but to shake you into reality. To wake you up. And hopefully make you stop and rethink the path you are on.

Its ok to be afraid. Its ok to be nervous. But do not let that fear immobilize your life. Move forward. Even if its tiny baby steps. Just keep moving.

Peace to all.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6290 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
remorsefulww
♀ Member
Member # 42029
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Aubrie))))

Great post!


Posts: 55 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: new york
splitintwo
♀ Member
Member # 42951
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of this, Aubrie. Thank you for articulating what I keep thinking.

During my 10-hours of drive time the other day, I kept mulling over a Dear SI post. It's been my life preserver, my safe place, my pseudo therapist (though IC is on my to-do list). I've come to so many realizations because I can "talk" here & have people challenge me, make me think & question, show me how to look at things from other points of view. I love it here. I'm so grateful to have SI. You all are awesome.


BH: 42
WW: 37
LTA ended Jan. 1, 2014; NC started in April.
Married 17 years.
No DDay; this, like all of life's decisions, is a work in progress.

My best thinking brought me to SI.


Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2014
Allornothing
♀ Member
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Aubrie)))

Much respect lady, you're a good egg!


Me- BS 43
Him- FWH 43
Married 19 years, Together 26
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 187 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
JaneDeaux
♀ Member
Member # 42630
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome post!


We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. Kenji Miyazawa

Posts: 60 | Registered: Mar 2014
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post, Aubrie!

I won't give you a hug, but how about a *fist bump*.


Posts: 7481 | Registered: Dec 2010
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautifully written; I am showing this to my hubby. Again, besutiful and thank you!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 1066 | Registered: Dec 2013
familyfirst
♀ Member
Member # 42651
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this post! I firmly believe lurking on this site changed my life for the better.

For all you wayward lurkers:
Since I was you just a few months ago, I know you are probably struggling to understand what your first move might be. What to write in your first post or what will happen if you become a member. Here's what I know

- Basic membership is free (talk about community service! Thank you SI!!)

- your story probably feels really unique, but there are THOUSANDS of members on here. It's amazing how every situation has 10-20 been there done thats. The advice you can get by posting your story is easily worth 5 therapy sessions

- You are now in the position to help others as a BTDT. You're probably already thinking of how you might post if you were responding to something you're reading. Try it! It will feel good.

- Your life can change depending on how you use the information you get here. Don't be afraid of the information! You can decide how to use it.


Posts: 223 | Registered: Mar 2014
wheat
♀ Member
Member # 18918
Content  Posted: 10:10 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a long-time lurker, I concur.

Great post, Aubrie.


"Every new day is another chance to change your life."

FSOW - late 30's, married now.


Posts: 218 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
finallyfree2011
♀ Member
Member # 37998
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent post - couldn't have said it better!


Me - WS
H - BH

D day - July 2011 after a 4 year relationship with OM

Reconciled and renewed our vows on our 22 Anniversary in June 2012


Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2013
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautifully written Aubs!

I completely agree. I've not been here that long but this is my home and I'm so grateful for this site and the amazing friends I've made here. The support is invaluable.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Matilda23
♀ Member
Member # 42807
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, I am a lurker trying to step out of the shadow and into the light. I will not let fear take over me, as it has all my life.


WGF - 24
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 29
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14

I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Colorado
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17787 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
wishicouldredo
♀ New Member
Member # 43623
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long time lurker here as well. SI has been a huge help even without posting. Thank you for your post.


"I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."

"Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go." - Mooji


Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2014
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to SI wishicouldredo!

Good to "see" you wheat.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6290 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump:)


Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995


Posts: 221 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Topic Posts: 17

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