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User Topic: I just don't know...
SoftCocoa
♀ New Member
Member # 43526
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never felt so unloved and unwanted.He has shattered me to my core. I found out a few months ago with the texting and phone calls on the cell bill. He said it is hard to love me because I always make him mad...always

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2014
Chinadoll30
♀ Member
Member # 43131
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not about you. You don't MAKE him mad. He is mad and is blaming you.


"We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means 'I survived'." -Chris Cleave

Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Philadelphia
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not the problem. He is. That is one of the most ridiculous excuses I have heard on here and such a crock of shit. You are not a child, you are his wife. If there is a problem, he needed to talk about it with you, not cheat. Do not let him sell you that load of garbage. Proceed to the 180 immediately. It's in the Healing Library under FAQ/BS. Keep posting and reading. We are here for you. We will help when we can, advise when we can and get you through this. You are not alone anymore. You now have over 40,000 new friends. We are here for you and you are not making us mad. (((Hugs)))

[This message edited by devasted30 at 7:01 PM, May 31st (Saturday)]


Posts: 1188 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
angerisme
♀ Member
Member # 37672
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is just stupid wayward spouse vomit! Can you imagine how screwed up his thoughts must be throughout the day? I can spot wayward spouse thought processes a mile away...for example...it is okay for men to watch pornography because all men want it and it is our genetics...hahah DUH...wrong! You ignore the person you have the legal agreement of marriage with. If that is the best he can do then I can promise...you deserve better than him! He is a lower and a weak, unaccountable putz. If you want to...dump the bum.

Posts: 174 | Registered: Dec 2012
SoftCocoa
♀ New Member
Member # 43526
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him I want a divorce. I dont know how im gonna tell my family we have only been married 2yrs

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2014
BlackHorse
♂ Member
Member # 43459
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whether what was said by your husband is typical "WS" jargon - I cannot say since I am new to all of this - unfortunately.

However in regards to people with low self-esteem - it is typical if they cannot make themselves rise up - then the only way to improve their station is to drag others down. They do not really improve any - they just think they do.

It is also typical of people with over inflated egos. Anything that maybe wrong is someone else's fault - and never their own.

The one thing I am not new to is having to deal with these types of people.

It seems from what was said - your "wayward" has just such an over inflated ego - and he knows deep down that he has no reason to actually place himself on a pedestal - as much as he wants to.

He is just deflecting his own guilt onto you. It is pure cruelty at its finest.

Please try not to believe the words he says. Just feel sorry for him since he is the one with the true problem.

- BlackHorse.


Not together long enough - too many long separations due to her continuing medical issues.
Me - Canadian.
She - American.
Both of us in our fifties.
D-Day - 04/30/14 (while she was away seeking medical assistance in her homeland)

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The West Coast of Canada
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see your new here, so welcome
Now as far as ws is concerned, he's full of shit. Don't take any blame for his poor choices. He messed up, big time, and its not because of you. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation and it sounds like you hsve been m 2 yrs. Don't be ashamed for your parents to know..you did nothing wrong.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5047 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SoftCocoa)))

My WH was cheating on me while dating, when we got engaged, and after we were married. The witch was at our wedding!!!!!

I found out about it three years after our marriage, and I, too, didn't know how I was going to explain it to my parents. I felt like I needed to work it out, since it was over and our M was so new. We fought all the time, too, and I constantly made him mad. His son was another factor in my staying, but that proved futile and is another story for another time.

Now here I am 12 years later and going through the same Hell again, only this time I have a daughter with him and I can't just cut him from my life. My parents would be devastated to know that they were part of the reason I stayed the first time. They love me, and they would have totally understood my leaving, just as your parents should understand and support you.

This is NOT your fault. Your WS is broken inside, and he doesn't want to admit it, so it's easier to put the blame on you. Please don't back down or get sucked back in, because he is not sorry you are hurting, and he is not sorry he did it. He's only sorry he got caught, and that is not someone worthy of you!!

I am so sorry you are here, but I am glad you found us. Please post here as much as you need. We have your back!!!


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said it is hard to love me because I always make him mad...always

Oh how I'd like to be sitting next to you if/when he makes this statement again!

I know that you feel absolutely horrid right now, but you had enough inner strength to tell him that you want a divorce. That puts you way ahead of the curve.....the sooner that you detach and disencumber yourself from him, the better off you will be.

He cheated because of his own 'issues'....NOT because you are unlovable or unworthy of love.

I don't know what your family dynamic is, but I hope that your family will support you and stand behind you. Maybe your dad can hang out on the porch with a shotgun resting in his arms.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8007 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
K Phantom
♂ Member
Member # 14105
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Soft.

Iím not a big advocate of ADs (antidepressants) however sometimes they are necessary to get through these types of situations. Iím not ashamed to say that I was on them and I needed them at the time. Talk to your doctor or IC (Individual Counselor) to help get through this situation. I guarantee you that it is nothing they have not heard before so you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. If you donít have an IC maybe itís time you start thinking about getting one. There is some help here on the upper left hand side for that.

As always weíre here for you as well, so keep posting.


Me BS
Her WS
Kids 0
Married 15 yrs 02/14/1993
DD#1 3/29/06
DD#2 6/23/07
D 4/15/2008

Posts: 513 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: USA PA
Topic Posts: 10

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