Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dogs and dating...
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm posting this as light-hearted. I am NOT knocking pet ownership in any way (I had two cats for 13 years), but I've clearly made the right decision here. Since becoming single many of my dog friends have said things like ..."You're single and probably need a dog for companionship...you need to get one" Ummm...no I don't. I like my clean house, I like being able to just turn the key and leave. I don't like to have to rush home early from a date or whatever because of the dog. And I don't like picking up after they poop. And I despise when people bring their dogs to the beach, let them run around unleashed to bother people, they poop on the beach and they kick some sand over it without cleaning it up. Yeah I do see that believe me. I will confront them about it if they walk by as it's so unsanitary where we're walking barefoot and kids are playing.

Seeing someone a little and she has a dog. She has no children. And much of her life revolves around guess what? She has to kennel it a lot just to do things....weekend trips, small overnight and long work days. I can't imagine what she spends on this. We are looking at going to the beach for four days spur of the moment decision (her idea) and she finds out the kennel she uses is full for the weekend. So she inquires if we can get a pet friendly rental on the beach. OK that eliminates about 96% of the places we can stay at. I don't mind the dog coming so much. But it won't be in my brand new car on a five hour drive...sorry but dogs do get car sick and they do have accidents without much warning. LOL

Frankly it all sounds really stressful to own one, especially if you are single. I'm just not a dog person. I like friends who have dogs. Yes they can be cute and kind. And I do understand how people love them. But I view them as a child you have to take care of that really never grows up.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 8:39 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have 4 of them, which is a lot.

However, in one of my previous jobs I traveled from Monday morning to Thursday evening. So, I fenced in my yard and got a dog door.

It was pricey, but it's the best decision ever. I don't have to worry about getting home at a certain time. Overnight trips require no extra effort. Trips that are more than a day , I just ask a family member to stop over and throw some food out for the gang.

Since there are 4 of them, they keep each other occupied.

It works for me.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7820 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, Sean. I have had dogs and I have loved them, but they are a lot of work. Like a little kid, you are right. And, as you have shared, dogs are constrictive. Cats you can leave for 3-4 days with lots of food and water and they won't freak out and destroy the house and eat all the food the first 5 minutes you are gone and then shit/puke all over the house and or tear it up!

Irresponsible dog owners are really scourges. Not cleaning up in public places, letting the dog bark incessantly right next door to you, , letting their dogs use your yard for pooping and peeing. *sigh* Dealing with this right now with our new neighbors and their two big rambunctious ill behaved dogs.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just not a dog person.

You can't really explain being a dog person to someone who is not a dog person.

The good news for you is that you know it. The bad news is that you are not only NOT a dog person, you are, basically, an anti-dog person, and that means you probably shouldn't get involved with someone who owns dogs.

For a dog person, the complexity of dealing with long absences is a complication, not a burden.

My living situation hasn't allowed me to own a dog in a few years, and probably won't for a few more years. It's a hole in my life. A small one, but an absence I feel, when I think about it.

But I view them as a child you have to take care of that really never grows up.

A simple minded friend who always loves you unconditionally and who is always happy to be with you. A responsibility, yes, but also an entertaining clown.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5198 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you are, basically, an anti-dog person, and that means you probably shouldn't get involved with someone who owns dogs

Yup. I hope your 'sorta' girlfriend realizes this and walks away. You're definitely not a match.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20453 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The bad news is that you are not only NOT a dog person, you are, basically, an anti-dog person,

I'm not an anti-dog person. That's like telling someone because they don't have children that they are anti-children. Be really careful how you generalize that kind of statement. I've always thought about getting one, especially a retired greyhound possibly because I know they need a good home. But it just doesn't fit into my single life right now as I don't want it running my life. Doesn't mean that wouldn't change.

But sad truth is I knew when I posted this I would get those kind of comments.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 9:23 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not a dog person either, and probably never will be, but I still love them.

I met up with one though, a couple of years ago, on a sort of date that involved a walk at the dog park with his big beautiful hairy black friend.

Molly, a country dog, got completely freaked out at the kite sailors hanging off the cliff and ran off into traffic.

The guy went panting after her and ran for about a half mile yelling her name before finally catching up to her. He nearly had a heart attack from the run and the panic event.

Needless to say that was the end of the evening... I went home covered in hair and dog slobber.

If you travel with this woman's dog, expect the focus not to be on you.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 9:26 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17706 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You said it yourself; you're not a dog person.

It has nothing to do with your current lifestyle. You don't like them because they pee, poop, and yes, get carsick. They have to be cared for in some way, shape or form 24-hours a day.

Don't adopt a dog. You'll wind up giving it back. Dogs love unconditionally; the same can't be said for humans.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20453 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not an anti-dog person.
I agree with you Sean. I like dogs. They can be sweet, fun, warm, loving, perceptive, healing and intuitive. (They also can be mean and bitey. Dogs kill humans. I don't think a cat ever has.) I just don't want the burden of owning one.

That is the difference between the real dog people and the people who like dogs. The former view owning a dog as an honor and joy and the latter are people who will view it as a lot of work and/or constrictive.

That doesn't make us anti dogs, it makes us people aware of our limits. It is offensive for people to say that people are anti dog because we realize our limitations.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very much a dog person and had one for a long time, but I understand what you mean. At times, it really felt like a milder version of having a child.

Also, I would encourage you to explain your feelings about this to this girl you've been seeing. She deserves to know now so she can make an informed decision whether to keep dating you or not.

I know it would be an important factor in my decision, given how much I love dogs.

Again, nothing wrong with you and nothing against you, but maybe you're just too different from her. Which isn't bad, as long as you don't hide it from her.

Best wishes


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Pro-dog" and "anti-dog" my God this sounds almost like a political discussion


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21446 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TR...


It is offensive for people to say that people are anti dog because we realize our limitations.

I agree.

If you're not out shooting or poisoning them, you can't really wear the "anti-dog" label.

I'm more "anti-people-who-leave-dog-shit-bags-everywhere-but-in-the-trash".

[This message edited by FaithFool at 9:52 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17706 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SeanFLA and Sistermilkshake,

I also choose not to have a dog for most of the same reasons you don't want one. I have noticed that society is more accepting that if you say you don't want children that does NOT make you a child hater. But for some reason if you say you don't want a dog, many will consider you an "anti-dog" person.

I cringe and cry when I hear of people mistreating their pets including dogs. I am NOT a dog hater even though I don't want the responsibility, the smell or the mess, or expense for that matter.

I actually sort of blew up at my sister recently because she has a poodle and every time she ever went to tell me anything about the Poodle, she started with "I know you don't like dogs, but...."
I think I have finally set her straight.

I am so sick of people deciding because I love the freedom of not having pets (especially now that my children are also grown and gone) that makes me a dog hater. At least my H understands. When we were first married 19 years ago, he pushed to get a dog and I pushed not to (and won). Now he absolutely feels the same way I do, probably even more so than me.

Sean, I don't have any advice for you but I do empathize with what you are saying about people automatically giving us the a negative label of being "anti-dog."


Posts: 5775 | Registered: Apr 2006
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is how I handle,it. I tell,people that my favorite breed of dog is the OPD. They'll ask what that is. I tell them honestly Other People's Dog. No food bills, vet bills, no cleaning up, no need to buy cases of lint rollers-- lots of advantages


I'm the same way about boats, too OBP is my favorite make of boat.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is how I handle,it. I tell,people that my favorite breed of dog is the OPD. They'll ask what that is. I tell them honestly Other People's Dog. No food bills, vet bills, no cleaning up, no need to buy cases of lint rollers-- lots of advantages


I'm the same way about boats, too OBP is my favorite make of boat.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slight t/j:

I have a couple of pics on my OLD profile showing me playing with my friends' dogs and I clearly state "not mine but I love them anyway".

This weekend had a message from a creepy guy on OK Cupid saying

"I notice you have pics with you and dogs in them. How about I take one with you and mine?"

Doggie style innuendos'r'us.

Uh, no...

End t/j

[This message edited by FaithFool at 11:23 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17706 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are anti dog for right now, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am a dog person, lost my two dogs in the past year, but don't have the time as a single mom to have a new dog right now. But I would welcome a SO with a dog, I love dogs. I dog sit for my friends. You on the other hand don't even welcome a dog in a SO, you are pretty anti dog.

In the wise words of Seinfeld - Not that there is anything wrong with that

I am however anti cat.

[This message edited by million pieces at 11:35 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's probably too late to clarify, since there's already emotion here, but when I said "anti-dog person", I meant "anti-dog ownership for myself at this time" person.

As opposed to "anti-dog in all circumstances" or "anti-dog ownership for everyone" or "anti-dog ever around me".

The first is realism, and knowing what you want.

The second is not healthy, I think. Neither is the "everyone should have a dog" or "people who don't like dogs are terrible people" attitude.

I don't think you're in the second group, and I don't think the further discussion changes what I meant to say.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5198 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
getnbtr1
♀ Member
Member # 40540
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally appreciate your original post and have to agree. If you own a dog, you build a lifestyle around it, one that is not for everyone. If you're going to have a dog, you need to do it right. That means being around, and being attentive, and having the dog be part of your life all the time. I don't have a dog for a variety of reasons, and I don't expect to ever have one until my kids are old enough to care for it, if at all. I don't blame you one bit for being a tad annoyed (if you are) about the girlfriends and the dog situation. Hope it works out for you. Woof.

Posts: 99 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: CT
Charity411
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had this conversation about dogs with someone I dated for a couple of years. He's doing some electrical work for me and came to look at what I wanted done. My dog remembered him and was happy to see him. I asked if he still had his dog and no, she had passed away. I asked if he was going to get another one and he said no for a lot of the reasons named here. I told him I completely agreed with him and then I was horrified because my dog was in the room listening. I know that's irrational. She probably only understood "dog". But I felt really bad for saying that in front of her. Later on I told her I wouldn't get another dog because I couldn't possibly ever replace her. Yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Posts: 402 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.