Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: tooclose (44327)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dogs and dating...
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not an anti-dog person. That's like telling someone because they don't have children that they are anti-children. Be really careful how you generalize that kind of statement. I've always thought about getting one, especially a retired greyhound possibly because I know they need a good home. But it just doesn't fit into my single life right now as I don't want it running my life. Doesn't mean that wouldn't change.

But sad truth is I knew when I posted this I would get those kind of comments.

WOW...talk about snarky. And yes, that says a lot coming from me.

If you "knew" you'd get those kind of comments, then why did you post it? Just to poke the bear?

I'm just not a dog person

I've always thought about getting one, especially a retired greyhound possibly because I know they need a good home.

If you aren't a dog person, why would you then come back with "I've always thought about getting one"? Is there any wonder why some thought you were anti-dog when you yourself state you aren't a dog person?

If you'd read what Trustedher stated, there wasn't anything ugly or accusatory in his post. He is one poster who goes to great lengths to not be snarky in any way. He wasn't generalizing. He was stating an opinion based on what you stated about yourself and what you are willing to tolerate. You backpedaled after he stated his opinion.

As far as not wanting a pet, no problem there. Don't get one. I completely relate because I took 11 years to finally adopt another dog. I just wasn't up to the commitment. However, it's probably best you don't involve yourself with somebody who does have one. No pet owner wants to feel that their furbaby is a burden.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13648 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't need to date a dog person... I've got an older (10 y.o.) Golden that's like my shadow... He's my third golden and may end up being my last... KD wasn't interested in the least about him... Didn't bother me... He's my dog not hers.. He's my responsibilty not hers...

When I headed down here to Alabama facing a 13 hour drive I had him jump in the backseat and off we went... I will say that of the three dogs I've had... This is the most laid back and cool dog of the three...

One thing I can't do is date a woman with a cat or cats... I'm severely allergic to them... Even the dander on the clothes causes an asthma attack...

Certainly limits the number of women available for me to date...
That's a bummer...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5952 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wonderingbull, you should post a pic of your golden. You've mentioned him many times, but I don't think I've ever seen a pic of him.

Please


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13648 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sean, I love my cats and they provide me with lots of joy. I'm more of a 'dog' person but a dog just wouldn't suit my home or lifestyle at the moment. TBH I curse ever getting cats when I'm vacuuming hair every two days or lint rollering my girls before we leave the house every day and especially when I'm cleaning up a fur vomit (OMG - I never knew!).

I love other peoples dogs too but I don't want them pissing and shitting all over my house/car or terrorising my girls.

So I get what you're saying. This isn't an indictment on anyone else - it's a statement about you, your lifestyle and your choices. And a problem you're having.

TBH when my kids are grown I wouldn't date someone with little kids for the same reason. Lots of others would feel the same. Would you date a woman with small children?

The problem here for your lady friend is that a dog does suit her lifestyle and she's trying to incorporate it into her life with you. You sound pretty early into your dating so right now it's not a huge problem and you can largely work around it but it will likely become a bigger issue down the line.

You're not the first or the last person who takes something on that ultimately they're not going to be happy with long term.

Maybe this is something you need to consider now. She's not wrong for wanting dogs in her life. You're not wrong for not wanting dogs in your life. You two need to work out how or if this is going to work long term rather than getting resentful of each other. Like kids, she comes as a package.

I'd say that's why you've posted this. I think you're working out this early issue. It's a biggie, IMO.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5448 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
HopeImOverIt
♀ Member
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dated a "dog person" who shared custody of the dog with his ex-wife, just like I share custody of my kids with my Ex. Luckily, this guy's parents were available to dog-sit whenever needed, so we were able to go away for the weekend.

HOWEVER this dog was extremely jealous and would bark or growl whenever I tried to hug or kiss the guy in front of his dog. And OF COURSE the dog slept on the bed with us - or more accurately - BETWEEN us.

The non-stop chaperoning was a bit of a mood killer....


Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced

Posts: 254 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if this is helpful or inflammatory, I am a dog person (have 2 of my own).

My dogs deserve decent treatment, part of that is ensuring they receive the care they NEED (they are not able to do this for themselves). My dogs however are dogs, (albeit part of my family and I loves them muchly) they are still dogs. Therefore I can leave them with extra food and water if I needed to over night for work or have a friend drop in and feed/check on them when its for a longer period of time. My dogs are a consideration/priority in my life but they are not solely my life if that makes sense (my horses are the same).

On the dating side of the house I would not stay in a relationship with a person who could not understand the requirements of pet ownership (not saying this is you), on the other hand I would not tolerate a person putting me below their animal (its a different relationship in my mind).

I think you should be honest with her. Her dog is a dog, it will live without 24/7 over attention. Her assuming/expecting you to be ok with a weekend away with it is a bit selfish IMHO.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My relationship with a guy just ended over something else (he really wants kids) but if it hadn't, there's a good chance I would have ended things with him because of his dog. I really love dogs, but I don't like inconsiderate dog owners, and I don't like being around their poorly behaved dogs. His dog was so terribly behaved, and it was all the human's fault. I was embarrassed to be out with him and his dog.

Plus, he let his dogs pee all over his house and destroy the furniture, so it was smelly and disgusting to be in there.

If there is a leash law, leash your dog. I have been attacked by at least 3 dogs while out running, and one of my acquaintances was severely mauled (now wheelchair bound) by three dogs while she was out running. Pay attention to your surroundings so that you don't create a trip wire for a bicyclist because your dog is on a flexi leash across the bike path. If a park says no dogs, just go someplace dogs are welcome.

Inconsiderate people are everywhere (I will save my rant for inconsiderate cyclists, and I bike everywhere) and it really makes me upset when they do this with dogs because I had started to develop a phobia of dogs after being attacked so often.

So anyway, rant out of the way and back to dating/dogs.

I declined a second date with a guy who was way too into his dog. We went to the art museum and at every painting, he told me what his dog would think about it.

"I could never have that painting in my house. The purple would give Lizzie nightmares!"

"Lizzie would be so calmed if I could have this painting for her to see right before she went to bed" etc. etc. etc.

At the end of the date, I got a bit snarky and asked how Lizzie could possibly tolerate him spending a couple of hours on a date with me. He responded that he'd played fetch with her for a couple of hours prior, he promised not to be gone too long, and would take her to the dog park when he got back.

YIKES!!! Not touching that with a 10-foot pole!

That being said, I have parrots, and I have fully expected them to be something that guys wouldn't want to deal with, but all of the guys I've dated long enough to know about/meet them love them and think it's a funny (as opposed to creepy) quirk. Haven't been in a long-term relationship with anyone, so maybe they would change their minds when they were around them more often.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3269 | Registered: Dec 2011
waiting2see
♀ Member
Member # 13767
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My opinion is simple: those who walk on four legs are more loyal--IN GENERAL in my PERSONAL experience--than those who walk on two legs. And that is worth every dime, every minute, and an occasional soiling. Lol.


me: BS
him: XWS

Much of your pain is self-chosen. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923

"It's not livin' that you're doin' if it feels like dyin." Ray Lamontagne


Posts: 1930 | Registered: Feb 2007
Red Sox Nation
♂ Member
Member # 26358
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way you do, Sean. I like animals, but I can't see ever owning a dog, unless it promised never to bark when I was nearby (which, of course, is unrealistic) and could handle a few hours without me every now and then.

When I was in the post-divorce dating stage, I dated a lot of women, mostly through OLD. I tried, more than once, to date women with dogs. I really liked a couple of these women. But I couldn't get past the dog issue, because it gets worse, not better.

One of the most beautiful and interesting women I know - the closest story I have to "our eyes met across a crowded room and I just knew" - had a dog. We went out for about a month, and it felt wrong - like there was another presence in our relationship. I don't want to get into TMI, but it affected everything.

So I had to break it off, and that was difficult because true compatibility and attraction is a hard combination to find in this world. But even though everything but the dog situation added up to compatibility, it wasn't really true compatibility.

Then, a year later, I met my wife, and everything was even better. Far better than trying to force myself into a good, but not perfect, situation.

Don't let people get you down about feeling "anti-dog". It's simply compatibility. I understand the "pro-dog" lifestyle, and if I were a different person, I could live it. But I can't. It really is a fundamental difference, and can't be forced.


When someone tells you who she is, listen; when someone shows you who she is, listen carefully.

Posts: 1805 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree you need to have a conversation with her. I am sure she does not expect you to love her dog as much as she does but she needs to understand your limitations. IE that you do not want to drive all that way with the animal in your car, etc.

She might be ok with that and you guys just decided to reschedule it or she might not be but it is better to understand that now.

I am dating someone with cats. I am not a cat person/allergies. We both understand each other's position and adapt.

I would never expect him to get rid of the cats because they are important to his kiddos so I hop up on Benadryl when I visit and he does extra cleaning if I am coming over to help with my reaction (ie washes comforter, etc).

That is my recommendation - you both need to understand each other's stance and limitations for her pet and see if there is a happy medium that doesn't cause issues.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2014 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.