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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Suitable response that covers all situations?
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In general I do believe that NC is the way to go. Especially in the early days when NC is to protect us from more hurt.

However, sometimes their wayward delusion and re-writing of history, blame-shifting, outright lies and utter bullshit warrants a reply.

I definitely thing that total NC provides the wayward with tacet corroboration from us that what they say must be true because the betrayed spouse hasn't responded to deny it. Let's not forget that they will quite happily reach that conclusion to justify anything they want.

I'm trying to come up with a short, repeatable, witty and sarcastic put-down that covers most if not all idiotic texts and emails from the WS.

I'm unable to come up with anything witty.
It needs to be something that conveys the following as I have used all of these separately:


1) You are talking shit again
2) The only person who believes what comes out of your mouth is you and Gru.
3) I see you are still in deep denial about the fuck up you have made of our lives
4) Shut the fuck up
5) Whatever

There has to be a clever remark that I could use. Crickets just doesn't do it for me.

Ideas?


[This message edited by allatsea at 10:04 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 717 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude, way too many words.

All it takes is one: "Copy"

If you want to get really forceful, use: "Noted"

Trust me, best ammunition for dealing with these NPD freaks.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best response is no response. Trust me, the lack of concern will bother them more than any words you can type.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it is about the kids sometimes you HAVE to respond.

Favorites:
"I've noted your concerns."
"I'm sorry you feel that way" emphasis on the word YOU.

If you respond with profanity or blame it makes you look bad. Make him look bad from now on by staying indifferent with those sentences or putting his feelings back on HIM.


Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you want to be nasty write it in a journal or here just not to him, anything you write down can be used against you. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it but you know what I mean.
My xwh is ignorant, total dumbass self centered self absorbed piece of shit! I don't write or say this to him though.

Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Helen. It's a her, btw.

Surely they are times when silence isn't appropriate?

I'm still in a place where I need her to know that I know she's talking out of her arse.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 717 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still in a place where I need her to know that I know she's talking out of her arse.

Good luck with that. She won't care. Do yourself a favor and just stop the madness. Make your life a 'No Drama' zone.

If it's not about kids and/or finances, don't respond.

If it is about them, but there's no question, don't respond.

If it is about them, but it's a nonsense question, and you HAVE to respond, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way."


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20278 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

May not seem like it now but the best response truly is no response. Once YOU no longer give a shit what they think it doesn't matter what they say or believe. Your truth is all you have to worry about. You sending back a snarky response gives them something to talk about. You still haven't truly detached yet. It does take time but keep ignoring them. Once you no longer care they really do become comical in their attempts to suck you back in ro get a reaction out of you.

I went through this shit with my XWW. When you truly no longer give a shit about them and they know it you have won because they are non-entities to you.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still in a place where I need her to know that I know she's talking out of her arse.

Why? I think you'll have better results with shorter or no responses. I like "noted."

What are you hoping to accomplish with a witty comeback? She will believe whatever she chooses to believe regardless of what you tell her. My XH has re-written history to the point where he truly believes his story even though it's a different version from mine. There's nothing I can do/say to change that.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely thing that total NC provides the wayward with tacet corroboration from us that what they say must be true because the betrayed spouse hasn't responded to deny it. Let's not forget that they will quite happily reach that conclusion to justify anything they want.

No. You are not on trial and do not need to defend yourself. Have you heard the expression “what other people think of you is none of your business”? It applies here. Their opinion of you is none of your business. Don’t give them the headspace.


Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still in a place where I need her to know that I know she's talking out of her arse.

We've all been there, but the others are right.
She KNOWS she's talkign out of her arse. If she's anything like my XWH, she does it on purpose just to wind you up.

When I stopped responding to his digs, he ramped it up trying to get a response- ANY reponse.
But I noticed his nastiness was only via email and text. In person, he was always very polite (coward).

When he failed (over a period of time) to get more than "Noted", or a response that only responded to a SPECIFIC question about the kids/finances, or simply silence, it stopped.
He finally figured out that the game no longer worked with me. The last two years or so have been pretty peaceful (at least with regard to XWH). Ahhh bliss!


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6522 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS, she doesn't care what you think, she just wants a reaction so that you can feed the drama, which helps her relationship with Gru. Many unremorseful WS seem to need the drama to feed their ego and reinforce that they made the 'right' decision. Each time you're negative/witty, it gives her 'proof' to show Gru how awful you are. Do you really want to help cement their relationship any further?

That's why we say crickets.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1050 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see what you are saying. I haven't detached yet.

She sucks me in by pressing my buttons about the kids. I want to defend myself from her attacks


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 717 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you haven't detached and its completely understandable by all the shit that witch did to you, how about "Seriously???" or "Whateeeever!" And say it in the most bored WTF tone you can muster.

[This message edited by Guinness23 at 4:19 PM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She sucks me in by pressing my buttons about the kids. I want to defend myself from her attacks
Then rewire your buttons.

The best defense with an NPD is to not give a shit about them or anything they say or do. They are injured most severely by being insignificant.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25710 | Registered: Aug 2011
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:46 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then this is what I must do.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 717 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 3:04 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The advice you have received is correct. Xpos constantly sent me harassing or threatening emails and texts to which he received crickets in return. After a while, he sent an email saying that at least I could have the common decency to respond to his emails and texts, to which he also received crickets.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2381 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:54 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XWS is giving me crickets. It is maddening. I was ok after the first couple, but it's crickets I'm receiving evenwhen I ask about issues involving the kids.....

So, yes, I think crickets work IF you keep it up for a while.

Remember, the OM is purposefully trying to drive you insane so that your XW will never want you back.

So, do what I do and laugh. If you feel you must respond, post here first! Then make sure the reply to her is short.

Also, make sure everything about you is great. When your kids come over drop everything and hang with them. Movies, camping trip, rent a boat, have them mow your yard, anything. You will have a good time with them and they will learn how to be a Dad -- and that is your goal! I think the OM is going to become more and more domineering and your kids need a safe place they can go to once they start driving!

I just saw this posted on the section where people can ask WS questions:

About the WS actions during the affair -- and even now in your WW and my XH's life:

In general, the way WS's think during the A doesn't make sense. To you or to us. I think that all sorts of inconsistent thoughts and actions are possible.

So, your XWW isn't doing anything sensible, so you have to be the sensible one.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:12 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2205 | Registered: Jan 2012
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CRICKETS!!!
If there is a specific logistical question about children reply with dates, times, facts.

Nothing else!

"Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it." -Shaw

[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 6:01 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 500 | Registered: Jun 2012
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Noted"

"OK" or just "k"

Or simply ignore them unless it's a question.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 32
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