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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Suitable response that covers all situations?
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi.

I'd suggest your solicitor if and when silence on your part can be detrimental to you, and if so, how to respond.

Otherwise, I'd suggest you respond only to untrue allegations by saying sth like:

"If you wish to further discuss this untrue/unfounded allegation, contact my solicitor."

After that, crickets on the topic if she repeats it.

Best wishes


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 203 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you wish to further discuss this untrue/unfounded allegation, contact my solicitor.

I like that.



Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 698 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A few one-liners:

If shit was music, you'd be an orchestra.
You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.
You'd be out of your depth in a puddle.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?
You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified.
Ordinarily people live and learn, but you, you just live.
You are not as bad as people say - you are much, much worse.
I know you always have your ear to the ground. How's life in the gutter?
Talk is cheap. but that's OK - so are you.
You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
If sex were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying... I'm wearing a moron filter.
Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.


While those are pithy and hopefully made you smile, I go along with the no response or,if you must, the ones that will leave her feeling sheís punched a marshmallow man. i.e.
Noted.
Iím sorry you feel that way.
Iím sure youíll manage.
If you wish to further discuss this untrue/unfounded allegation, contact my solicitor.

Donít rise to her. Sheís actually a very unhappy woman. After a period of time, you may even feel sorry for her. And thatís a whole load more one liner jokes!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 57 y/o Him, WS, 58 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 19 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3461 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

at UKgirl! Ok I am so tempted to use a few of those myself but I won't.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1905 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm sorry you feel that way" emphasis on the word YOU.
Alternative: "I'm sorry you feel that way" emphasis on the word FEEL. I used to use this when I spoke to FT X. He hated it! Haha! At first he thought I had apologized and said, "You're not sorry!" in a four year old voice. Then he realized what I was really saying - "you're wrong in what you think."

But not responding at all is the best. Drives him nuts. It tells him he doesn't even warrant a reply - he is irrelevant. Try and imagine how she will feel if she goes off on you and you don't react...she'll be very frustrated at your strength and indifference.


Posts: 1266 | Registered: Aug 2010
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks UKGirl,
I like all of those. I'll save them for when I absolutely have to reply.

Crickets in all other cases


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 698 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS, No, No, NO to using UKGirl's one-liners! You KNOW this! While they are amusing and clever, they simply will do nothing but wind up your XW and Gru. What is the point? She is NOT going to EVER see that she is wrong; I don't care if you presented her with her transgressions chiseled miraculously on two stone tablets. WHY pet the drama llama? Crickets is best; "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a close second for a back-up. Anything that is directly and strictly related to the kids can be answered factually; everything else gets one of the two above responses. If you keep giving XW and Gru headspace, you are going to eventually work yourself up emotionally into a bad situation (again), and the consequences are just not worth it.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 381 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS

I think you need to look at some proactive ways to deal with this.

You've already had some sort of shoving match bc he flipped you off and now you're all wound up because of text messages.

You're in for a long bumpy ride as your kids are still young.

Look at the big picture.

Why do you have to drop stuff off at their home? Are your kids having trouble remembering all their personal possessions? Can you print up a list of everything they need and put it somewhere they can see and go down the checklist with them each week before they go? Problem solved, no more ringing their doorbell with forgotten items.

If her texts are annoying to you download a silent ringtone, assign it to her name, and set the vibration to "none"
You won't even know when she texts you until you happen to look at your phone, and then you can choose to read her texts or not. If you are having a bad day, don't read them. Best idea, just keep them saved.

Hitting her with zingers is childish and silly and does nothing. Who cares how witty they are. What are you going to do when she does you one better?

If what you want out of this situation is to move on with your life then start looking at ways to do that without her permission. You don't need her to understand, know, or acknowledge how she is wrong.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When XH and NW would go nuts I honestly was too stunned to say anything. After the first few times, someone said to me that I had a lot of restraint because they were crazy.

They got more and more crazy, and it was in public - so they showed their true selves to the rest of the world.

I couldn't have asked for a better outcome.

Good luck,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5162 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys for your latest posts.
You are all right.

Woundedwidow

What is the point? She is NOT going to EVER see that she is wrong; I don't care if you presented her with her transgressions chiseled miraculously on two stone tablets.

She will never see that she is wrong (or never admit it). A wiser person than me (on SI) once said that if there were words or actions that a BS could use to make the WS see sense they would have been used by now and we would all have used them.

I am getting more frustrated with her marital re-write that she tells the kids.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 698 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In times like this, I tend to go with the old standby of "fuck you".

It's multi purpose and fits Oh-so-many scenarios.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
lost2012
♀ Member
Member # 35325
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too, struggle with this one. I wish I knew the psychology behind this. It's been 2 years for me and he still deliberately tries to push my buttons. Recently, I called him with an issue about the kids. He yelled at me for calling him! and then proceeded to yell at me for lots of other things. Why? He's married to her and has everything he wanted in the settlement. I do not respond. I asked him to only communicate by email. This way you have an automatic paper trail. He does not want to only communicate by email and proceeds to text. So I ignore them. I save up the issues and when I have a bunch, I send an email.


Dday- March 1, 2012
M 17 years
EA? 4 years
2 boys ages 10 and 12
Divorced- 12/17/2012

Posts: 96 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 32
Pages: 1 · 2

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