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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The WS tunnel: Facing Yourself and Mistakes
wheredoigo
♀ Member
Member # 42327
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's something to be said about facing who you were and the terrible things you've done. It's a dark tunnel that you must dig through so that you can see exactly why you were facing a wall that you needed to dig through so you could see the light.

In the beginning, I was surrounded by so much darkness in my own selfishness that I could not see my hand in front of my face. As I began to dig and face EVERYTHING- the lies, the deceit, the destruction of my BS- it was so easy to let all of those loose boulders from digging hit the ground and leave them, but that would of only blocked my tunnel progress further and kept me from the other end (a healed me and a BS that would feel safe again).

Picking up those boulders, breaking them apart takes them back to smaller pieces that are easier to sort through. It takes time, an an unbelievable amount of patience and love from both sides.

Digging the tunnel overall is a hard accomplishment, however breaking apart boulders takes practice, strength, time...it's what has moved me closer to the other side of the tunnel.

It's important to have inspiration and support that will continue to help you break through those pieces that seem like they will never break apart. For me, communication with my BS, SI, IC, MC, Ellie Goulding's Halycon album, and countless books have given me the extra tools that I've needed for those moments where the boulder is one that I haven't experienced yet. They help me break into it a little further until I can break it apart on my own again.

Every tunnel is different. Not one is the same path or depth, but there is always one thing in common: the darkness, digging, needing tools to work through it, advice from experienced diggers and the ability and will to go the distance.

In the end, I believe that I will reach the end of the tunnel, but I know between where I'm at now and the other side is time, scratches, tears, frustration, milestones, accomplishment and patience.

The tools and scars I will attain from this I will carry until my last breath. They have changed me from the non- digger I was before to an experienced and eventually extremely skilled digger.

Thank you for everyone who have responded and gave me tools even when I thought I could dig on my own. My BS and I beyond grateful for SI. Thank you for providing tools that have changed my life and have lead me toward healing. It's life changing. I shudder to think where I'd be without it.

[This message edited by wheredoigo at 11:59 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


WW(me) 33
BS(him/Jt8d) 35 | Teaches me real, true unbroken love every day.

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully." J. Brot


Posts: 181 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Midwest
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6234 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful post WDIG. Completely agree


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
wheredoigo
♀ Member
Member # 42327
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Aubrie and BBT. You two were some of the many I was virtually looking when thanking.

Apart from it all, I just hope any new WWs that are struggling will know that this isn't a quick fix. The idea of how long this would take scared me to death in the beginning, but now that I'm healing through this it's amazing how each "boulder" that is sorted through gives me a less weight to carry and shines a bit more light down the tunnel. I'm so glad I am no longer continuing life re-writing and gaslighting. All we have is time and not a lot of it. Not to say the pain for my BS was ever worth it, just that I'm relieved to be changing who I am, and this time for the better.


WW(me) 33
BS(him/Jt8d) 35 | Teaches me real, true unbroken love every day.

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully." J. Brot


Posts: 181 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Midwest
LostTime
♂ Member
Member # 42018
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wheredoigo - Thank you for your post. I feel like I have only just found my shovel to start digging and facing.

Maybe I'm over thinking it, but can you recommend where to start, which tools to start with? I am not avoiding looking at everything I have done. I have been looking at the lies I told myself to justify what I did and was doing at the time.

I am and have been incredibly selfish and more importantly I'm sick of it.

Thank you again for what you wrote.


Me: WS - 38
Her: Beautiful, amazing BS - 38
5 beautiful amazing kids ages 2 - 14.
Separated and hoping for reconciliation one day.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Jan 2014
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome post!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37615 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 6

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