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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is she telling the truth?
TheBrokenOne
♂ New Member
Member # 43602
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by TheBrokenOne at 6:27 AM, June 8th (Sunday)]


Me: BH, 36 years old
Her: WW, 33 years old
D-Day: 25th/26th May 2014


Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: England
TheBrokenOne
♂ New Member
Member # 43602
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by TheBrokenOne at 6:28 AM, June 8th (Sunday)]


Me: BH, 36 years old
Her: WW, 33 years old
D-Day: 25th/26th May 2014


Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: England
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brokenone:

You are still in shock and likely some denial.

Please do not make any rash decisions. Be cautious who you complain to about this.

If you need to talk, see a counselor or come to forums like these.

Some people will give you advise, like kick her to the curb and such.

You need to make your own decisions in your own time.

Don't let anyone rush you.

don't mind her going out for a few - everyone is entitled to - but she knows I will not stand for her getting drunk again.

Please please nip this in the bud. A lot of psychologists are now noting that boy's and girl's nights out are a death knell for a marriage.

It's married people acting single or as some now call it "married singles".

Do not let her drink alone. She can't control herself and becomes uninhibited. Alcohol can do that to some people.

Women also do not metabolize alcohol as efficiently as men. They lack an enzyme that helps the metabolization process.

Google it.

Because alcohol was involved, I think another chance is a good idea.

But don't give her too loose of a reign. She obviously can NOT handle her alcohol and behave properly.

That weakness doesn't make her a bad person, only a person who needs help.

Help her by setting boundaries.

No drinking unless you are together, no girl's nights out, no men friends, may be good boundaries to ask her to abide by.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1215 | Registered: May 2014
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With regards to STD's, I wouldn't need to be tested as every time we have sex, I wear a condom anyway. She is not on the contraceptive pill.
Her period started six days after D-Day also.

If they did have sex, looks like a condom could have been used.

Dude you are in denial.
You use a condom with your wife, every single time? If you do, if you don't you can still be exposed and catch STD's.

She started her period 6 days later so she used a condom???? UM NO. Unacceptable. Make her get tested, I would think she would be racing to get tested, since she is "unsure" what happened. I would be scared to death.

slight t/j /science lesson. Women ovulate on day 16 being their fertile time, and have their period on day 28, typically. If she had her period within 6 days, she didn't need a condom.

YOU are playing with fire.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8592 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
brokenblackbird
♀ Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope there are no STDs involved. However, condoms don't prevent all STDs from being passed to partners.

You cannot entirely prevent herpes with condoms.

Use of condoms can reduce (not eliminate) the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Genital ulcer diseases (such as herpes and syphyllis) and HPV (warts)are primarily transmitted through contact with infected skin or mucosal surfaces.


Stay informed. Your wife needs to get checked.


Posts: 771 | Registered: Sep 2010
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In our country given her age and his age, the possible consensual nature of this encounter, they would still call it a statutory rape situation...I mean she would be the one with the criminal liability..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1199 | Registered: Nov 2011
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with what Tushnurse and broken blackbird said.

There are so many people that are unaware of this information.

Condoms do not prevent all STDs 100 percent of the time. They can also break or leak.

Also, Hepatitis C, implicated in Liver cancer, is transmitted via blood.

As is HIV or AIDs

That means if your gums are bleeding, and her gums are bleeding, it's possible the the two above diseases can get into your blood stream with deep kissing.

Rare but plausible.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1215 | Registered: May 2014
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only time I have a girl's night out with alcohol involved ( and I am separated) is when I am with my sister and niece..We are in for the night actually, not out in public...I have been known to go to the beach and stay the night and enjoy wine by myself on the balcony of the room I reserved for the night..The public does not have to see or deal with me being drunk..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1199 | Registered: Nov 2011
Tom67
♂ Member
Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brokenone please get tested for STDs.
Why take the chance.
You may have some PTSD you are dealing with you could set up an appt with an ic for a few sessions.

To me it sounds like she has a drinking problem but the GNOs have to STOP ASAP.


Posts: 229 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XWH used that same line "I blacked out but I am SURE I did not sleep with her..."

There was also a gap in time followed by him coming home at 4:00am.

My thought is if you are SOOO drunk you blacked out....then HOW do you really know what you did?

I called BS then - and now.

Same argument with my X....IF you know you can't drink that much, then you put someone else as priority instead of our marriage as soon as you decided to over-indulge and take that chance.

Sorry - but I have been there and feel that entire "I don't remember" is a very convenient excuse.

Protect yourself!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2130 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A condom isn't 100% effective.

Do you give oral sex to your wife? Do you kiss her? STD's can be transmitted through oral sex and kissing.

If she can't keep her pants on when she drinks, then no more drinking.

She may not cheat on you when sober...but she lies to you when she's sober.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7487 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
TheBrokenOne
♂ New Member
Member # 43602
Default  Posted: 4:56 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I woke up today, really, really angry and I was aggressive with her, although I didn't touch her.

I went to the gym and worked out.

I came home and spotted the Marvel notebook I bought on a trip we had recently, then I started to write down my thoughts and feelings......

It worked. I started to calm down and I found serenity.

Has anyone else found solace in the method?

I've hidden it, but it's easy for me to access and I'm gonna go back to it if the anger and hurt begins to surface.

[This message edited by TheBrokenOne at 4:57 AM, June 7th (Saturday)]


Me: BH, 36 years old
Her: WW, 33 years old
D-Day: 25th/26th May 2014


Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: England
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll assume you're going to not address this entire row of warnings about STD's and STI's as you didn't acknowledge it in your last post.

In time, you'll see the wisdom of these warnings.

I could be drunk off my ass to the point of no longer speaking English and I'd STILL not touch an 18 year old boy - whether I was 30 or 50. That's just repulsive. It IS possible she didn't see this young boy as someone to get naked with, Broken. Maybe these two fools just wandered aimlessly around in their drunken stupors, having no clue what they were doing or where they were going.

I just find it VERY hard to believe that both of them have no memory of what happened. Very, very hard.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1765 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
TheBrokenOne
♂ New Member
Member # 43602
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by TheBrokenOne at 6:28 AM, June 8th (Sunday)]


Me: BH, 36 years old
Her: WW, 33 years old
D-Day: 25th/26th May 2014


Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: England
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something did happen, although I don't know what exactly.
I would be very careful about your actions with this 18 year old.

You obviously need the truth. Look into hypnotherapy for your wife then. I have no idea if that can help for someone that was that drunk. But look into it.

Ask logical questions before beating the crap out of this guy. Why the contradictions. He left with her, and then came back several hours later with her.

So how could he have bumped into her again later...

Where did they go after they left together, that should be your question.

But dont let the one question of what happened take precedence over everything else, there is a great deal here going on. Your wife's actions for one thing. And if they did have sex outside, that really doesnt change anything.

Let's say they did, how does that change anything. Did he actually rape your wife. Well, then I guess you should file a police report.

I still find it odd her friends are not helping. Actually, you really need to find alternatives, otherwise this is going to eat you alive. Do not do anything to the other guy.


Posts: 4030 | Registered: Jun 2002
ming56
♂ Member
Member # 19505
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drinking to the point of black out is a clear sign of an alcoholic. My wife drank for years to block out horrible memories and her shame. She had black outs and could not remember anything after a certain point. She also would dissociate due to having PTSD. I would say it is very possible even probable your wife does not remember what happened after she left the bar, however the root of the problem is what allows her or compels her to drink to that level and create and put herself in that situation? She definitely needs to see a therapist and to attend AA to find a way of dealing with her drinking problem and whatever is broken within her. And I would say based on what you have depicted no she should not be drinking at all anymore if she wants to get healthy. Addiction is not something you can fix through moderation or careful participation. As for her so called friends, they clearly cannot be trusted and are poison to her. The whole scenario is deplorable. How can people watch what is going on and not intervene? An intoxicated woman appearing to be manipulated by a young man, and a man young enough to be her son at that? That is a toxic environment just waiting for bad things to happen.

Posts: 305 | Registered: May 2008 | From: east coast
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she remembers. schedule her for a polygraph. just before the polygraph she'll confess.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 37
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