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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: On the upswing...
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, after really doing some serious thinking over the last few days, I woke up with a completely different attitude over new guy. (See thread here…(http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=532483)

Regardless of the level of communication I am comfortable with…no one is perfect. Part of my personality is to weigh this stuff out. I may not do it well, I may wallow around a little, but the truth is I do this in order to better myself. I question myself and my emotions and motivations to try and be a better person in a relationship. It may not be pretty as I'm wrestling, but I'm wrestling for the right reason.

If I have to accept part of his personality that I don't care for, then he will have to be OK with doing the same. I cannot be afraid of losing him just because I may be slightly communication needy in the beginning. I'm assuming once I do feel more secure, and he shows me that he is "in" and we learn each other more, then I will settle down some.

He has already done things that in previous relationships I would have questioned. (as in had to stay at his ex's house when their dd slipped and feel and hurt her leg). I was able to talk through it on my own, then I did question him just slightly a few days later and he offered up a ton of information. I was proud of how I talked myself through it before asking him. I AM learning.

This is me. I can try to control the over-thinking as best I can. I can explain my motivation, try to kinda figure out what exactly I need, and tell him. Then, like Weatherly, ask him to think about it, weight the pros/cons on his end and see how he responds. I don't want to end it over this issue and I want to give him some leeway while he is under stress and this is a new relationship…but I also have to pay attention to what makes me comfortable.

He is out of the country for now, and then will have his dd while I'm finishing a tough class then headed to the beach. I'm guessing at the earliest, it will be 3 weeks before we can talk. I'm going to let this new attitude marinate.

I don't get this…."wave" of up and down….but I'm always happy when I feel clearer and on the upswing.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4153 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad to hear this. I was following along your other thread, but I didn't have anything to add that wasn't already said.

Is he able to contact you at all while out of the country?

Idk if you said this or not, but does he contact you at all when he's with his daughter? I know you said he focuses on her 100%, but he should be able to talk with you even when his daughter is with him.

I remember in the early days with SO I asked him how come he doesn't text me when we aren't together. He told me that he'd rather talk to me face to face and that he's busy doing other stuff. I was used to constant contact from XH, it took some time to adjust to having more space. Now when I get a random message from SO, it's more meaningful.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4183 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if he can contact me while gone. He didn't take his phone and not sure if he took his computer. He said he would "contact me if he could…" and would be in touch when he returned. He is with his Dad and dd.

So, no. When with dd, I don't hear from him. He is in a studio apartment with no balcony and no doors (except for bathroom). Literally no place to go. He told me early on that he returns no texts or calls from friends when he is with her. He will occasionally email me when she is watching tv or something…but that is very rare. Usually it is a text Monday morning after she is gone.

For him, I'm the first person he has dated post D. For 3 years. So he probably didn't realize his girlfriends would expect contact while he was with dd. It is just something we need to discuss. A weekend without contact isn't that big of a deal as long as we've discussed it.

I'm just going to wait this out a little. See how it goes when he gets back.



me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4153 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is great, cme. You never know what might hapoen.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15403 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Topic Posts: 4

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