So, after really doing some serious thinking over the last few days, I woke up with a completely different attitude over new guy. (See thread here…(http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=532483)
Regardless of the level of communication I am comfortable with…no one is perfect. Part of my personality is to weigh this stuff out. I may not do it well, I may wallow around a little, but the truth is I do this in order to better myself. I question myself and my emotions and motivations to try and be a better person in a relationship. It may not be pretty as I'm wrestling, but I'm wrestling for the right reason.
If I have to accept part of his personality that I don't care for, then he will have to be OK with doing the same. I cannot be afraid of losing him just because I may be slightly communication needy in the beginning. I'm assuming once I do feel more secure, and he shows me that he is "in" and we learn each other more, then I will settle down some.
He has already done things that in previous relationships I would have questioned. (as in had to stay at his ex's house when their dd slipped and feel and hurt her leg). I was able to talk through it on my own, then I did question him just slightly a few days later and he offered up a ton of information. I was proud of how I talked myself through it before asking him. I AM learning.
This is me. I can try to control the over-thinking as best I can. I can explain my motivation, try to kinda figure out what exactly I need, and tell him. Then, like Weatherly, ask him to think about it, weight the pros/cons on his end and see how he responds. I don't want to end it over this issue and I want to give him some leeway while he is under stress and this is a new relationship…but I also have to pay attention to what makes me comfortable.
He is out of the country for now, and then will have his dd while I'm finishing a tough class then headed to the beach. I'm guessing at the earliest, it will be 3 weeks before we can talk. I'm going to let this new attitude marinate.
I don't get this…."wave" of up and down….but I'm always happy when I feel clearer and on the upswing. me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings