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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Up for promotion at work tomorrow.
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feeling excited!

It is a large step for me....certainly not a sure thing, but believe I would do a good job and stand a solid chance to get it. My personal growth this past 22 months has actually helped me substantially for this possible next step.

Feeling a bit.....isolated??? past couple days.....wife is working through some tougher things in herself. I have put my needs out to her, she accommodates them as best she can. I have supported her in her needs as best I can. Neither actions have been ideal, but believe the interactions are healthy in nature.

Have thought about my past...use of porn at times like this. Am not reaching for or desiring it, but have reflected on my actions. False intimacies were used by both my wife and I at times like this in our pre-A M. Was a time when that was known and accepted by both of us.....yep, that's where we were. Openly using false intimacies...both condoning or turning a blind eye to them.

Am grateful that is no longer accepted here....but have not fully back filled in healthy substitutes....right? That's why this funky feeling exists? Not sure.....

I am pleased to share my thoughts, excitement, concerns about the pending interview process and possible job change with my wife. But do wish I had the "contented" feeling I believe truly healthy couples feel at times like this.


Anyone have any idea what I am talking about here?

I am grateful.....but......alone?

I am choosing love....but.....not feeling it?

Perhaps just my little boy whining about wanting.....fun?

Interview is 1:30 PM central time. I am excited and feel prepared for this challenge.

God is with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:41 PM, June 2nd (Monday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am in a great spot career-wise. Well respected and enjoy my current position. It also provides for a comfortable lifestyle that blesses us with resources to invest in our M ($ for therapy)!

So this promotion is not a do or leave sitch.....I am applying because I enjoy our mission and believe I could further it better in this role.

Really am blessed.

Am hopeful about my marital future.....just a bit anxious to harvest more fruit! It's not ready to be harvested yet, but I am ready to pick!!!! 😊😊😊

A good friend of mine is a strong contender for this promotion as well. A solid man. A man I could work for and thrive.

Our girls know him, I tell stories about him to them. I mentioned he had put in for this promotion over dinner a couple of weeks ago.

My oldest responded to this news;

"Great!!! Now you can root for 2 people Dad!!!"

It warmed my heart.....

God is with us all, indeed.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:48 PM, June 2nd (Monday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
callmesteph
♀ New Member
Member # 43595
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say "good luck tomorrow!" I remember when I was working and the district manager gave me a promotion...I experienced a mixture of excitement, apprehension and blissful emotions of a new position back then.

I'm a big advocate of hard work paying off and being rewarded with climbing up the corporate ladder. Success is a very good feeling.

Sometimes receiving a promotion brings higher income which is always for the better but hopefully it would not affect much change in your work schedule which sometimes can make the spouse a little apprehensive.

Just being nominated for the promotion is a great accomplishment on its own so regardless of the decision, you and your wife should go out to celebrate that milestone (ie. you should take her out and make a celebration out of it and then party hard/again later once you secure the position)!

Keep us posted on the outcome :). It sounds like your confidence and relaxed attitude will carry you far in the interview process.


BS: me (41) WS: him (42)
M:12 yrs T:23 yrs 3 kids (4,7,9)
DDay: 12/3/2013
OW#1- 2 1/2 yr A; OW#2-2mth A; +escorts
In Reconcilation

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
SadInNC
♀ Member
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck with the interview! Atleast you have something in your life heading in the right direction. Seriously.....

I'm heading towards D, my son has health problems and I can't pay my mortgage.

You have something to celebrate!


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck today blakesteel. No matter what happens, you are winning in the game of life.

Posts: 918 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fingers crossed!!


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1739 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((callmesteph))). Such kind, solid words.....a maturity and understanding that benefits you and your team.

(((SadInNC))). Thank you for the support and reminder to be grateful for all things. I will say a specific prayer for you and those in your life now. God is with us all.. He is shining through you to me.....even with your trials you have found energy to show me support.

(((devasted30))). I AM learning that who I am is not dependent on a title, salary, what others say I am, or my M status. My "sight" of that got blurry over time.....good to see again.

(((Bionicgal))) one of my original brat pack members. As time and work progress I wonder how long this "class" of SI'ers will remain active. No matter.....your support right NOW feels great.


Thanks guys!

Peace


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck, Blakesteele! I will say a small prayer for you at 1:30 central… I am sure you will do great!

Keep us posted!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1414 | Registered: Jun 2012
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((brokensmile322))) Another long standing supporter and fellow prayer warrior....thanks for being both. Grateful for you.

Peace.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:30 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So exciting but I can also see why you have conflicting feelings about HOW you're feeling! We question everything now huh? For this I say try to be in the moment and enjoy the process.

I wish you the best of luck and am rooting for you!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 828 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck with the process. It is a great experience.

However the interviews pan out you will land exactly where you are supposed to.

I interviewed for a position I didn't get almost ten years ago. I was so disappointed. I didn't realize at the time what a blessing it was. It turned me to the place I am now. I never would have landed here if I got the original promotion. Sometimes our path isn't clear until it is. So forget about the outcome and focus on the experience. It is where our growth lies.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3772 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Crushed15Feb13
♂ Member
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best of luck on your interview today, Blakesteele!


Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 31 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 5 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 185 | Registered: Mar 2013
Crushed15Feb13
♂ Member
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best of luck on your interview today, Blakesteele!


Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 31 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 5 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 185 | Registered: Mar 2013
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck Brother Blake!!! I'm sure you will nail the interview!!!


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 358 | Registered: Dec 2013
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Luck today on your interview! :-)


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1136 | Registered: Nov 2011
LiedtoLucy
♀ Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck BlakeSteele!

Your posts inspiration to me. I always read them and, not always, but a lot of times, I see how skewed my thinking can be as a BS. I am learning to let go of the self pity and my H and I are trying harder than ever to R. Much of this has to do with letting go of the general attitude that "My life sucks because if what my H did to me.". I have learned thru your sharing that with that mentality our M is doomed.

so, Thank you. and good luck!!


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 167 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck.

Am grateful that is no longer accepted here....but have not fully back filled in healthy substitutes....right? That's why this funky feeling exists?

This hit me like a shovel in the face. I have been struggling with this a bit. Whether it's my son's baseball team, spending time with my daughter, my exercise routine, work, yard work, whatever, I am pretty clear on what I should not be doing and thinking. But I haven't figured out what I should be doing all the time. "Back filled in healthy substitutes" is a incredible way to put it.


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 370 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang! Wonderful cheering from you all....feels good!!!!

I am, more than ever before, realizing things do work out for reasons. And just because I can't see the reasons (hard for an analytical mind like mine to let go of) events happen as they are meant to.

Am also owning the truth of....it is not the destination but the journey that we are meant to rejoice in....good and bad.

This is a good day. Your support is soooo appreciated. Yes, I asked for it but you gave it. Asking for it is relatively new to me....so that is something to celebrate in and of itself.


I look forward to the opportunities to do for you what ya'll have done for me today.

Thank you.


God is with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Back filled in healthy substitutes" is a incredible way to put it.

Um.....yeah.....about that......


That wisdom came into my life as part of a program to break free from my use (addiction, compulsion) of porn. To just stop its use is called "white knuckling"....it hardly ever works. I needed to find healthy habits to replace unhealthy ones with. Stronger language...I had to find non-sinful things to do when I normally did sinful things.

Glad it helped you out somethingremorse!!! It absolutely was key to me growing and maturing past some of my coping skills.


A word of caution. I used porn, my wife did too....me way more than her but she was good with it too. It is a false intimacy. There are many other forms of false intimacy that COULD be backfilled with....career, kids, hobbies, church. All, if taken to an extreme where you take energy away from real mature intimacy can have the same destructive results to your M.

It is clear to me that God intends our energies to be prioritized.....God, M, family....everything else. In that order.

This promtion falls into that "everything else" category. The financial gain would help our family physically....but we have what we need now.

My oldest daughters first question to me when I was talking about applying for this position was.

"Dad, how much more time will it take to do that job?"


Couple things resonated with me on this one statement from a 10 year old girl.

1. Clearly points out that kids want parents as part of their lives....Dads too!

2. I was actually talking with my family about my career and how it affects our dynamics. Something that never happened in my home. My parents D wasn't even talked about. My Mom going out of state to college wasn't even talked about...she just told us she was going. My youngest brother was 16 when she left.

3. The "enjoying the journey" Karmahappens talked about above? My family is an active part of today. I am the one in the hot seat...but I feel them with me. It was talked about last night at dinner and am excited to share how I did with them later! Even if I stumble...it will be good for our girls to see me stumble....and get back up.


Teared up a bit on the way to work today. Spontaneous.....couldn't trace the underlying cause.....probably a combination of things. Joy and sorrow.


Your support, my family's support is a large part of the joy I feel.

Thank you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:15 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
MJane
♀ Member
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sock it to them - good luck!!

Posts: 215 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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