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User Topic: Preparing for Divorce
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Should I pack my WW stuff or let her come and get it?


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you in IC?

Posts: 1153 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea, but what point does that make?

Is there anyone that can be my online go between.

During this time, I don't want to be contacted by my WW directly and rather have a go between. Preferred a couple far in their Reconciliation.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would let her come get it.. write all the major stuff you plan on splitting in a note.. Let her tell you what she values and make the best compromise..

Tell her on "X" date you will change the locks. But first, take all she agreed was yours you think she might steal and take it to a friends place.

Congratulations on success with everyman's battle.. Peace brother and do not fear eliminating someone who chooses not to love you from our life.. Keep being quality and your good will come.


Posts: 2674 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I already changed the locks. I took down most of the pictures. And put them in a box.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Didn't she move out several months ago? That being the case, hefty bag hr ass. There is obviously nothing there that she needs to live day-to-day. So get it out of site. If she gets upset, just say you were trying to help


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17629 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((LostSamurai))) You have so much pent up anger and hostility that I am worried about how you are going to handle all this. I think this step you are taking is the right one for YOU, but I worry about you being able to cope. I know how hard it is to do this. I just feel that you are very dependent upon your WW for your emotional happiness or unhappiness and I think you are going to have a very rough time controlling your emotions. You need to concentrate on You. You need to focus on You. Pack your WW's stuff and leave it for her. Do not have any contact with her at all. Be done. Stop looking for clues, hints, suggestions that she still loves you. Do not worry about that now. Worry about you. Worry about building your new life and growing from this. Let her see you are the most important thing in your life. You are, not her. If she comes around and you have done the work and still want her, great. If not, you will have grown up, matured and will be the prize for someone else. I see that as a win/win situation.

Posts: 1153 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could care less about her. I am angered, but I am going to take care of all that. I am going to F UP OM#1 After the meeting today. I will pack her stuff. Stopped taking my meds, because it ain't doing any good.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 6:55 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to F UP OM#1
I understand the rage and the desire to do this, but you must NOT. This will only make things worse for you. Stop yourself now.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
RomanticInnocenc
♀ Member
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost Samurai, I have followed some of your story. If I am taking your meaning right you have 1.gone off your medication and 2.plan to exact vengeance by hurting the OM!

You know that that is the WORST thing you could do and ultimately is not going to make you feel better for more then 5 minutes, plus could land you in some serious trouble.

I know the pain hurts, I know you feel lost, unloved, scared and there is a lot of anger and hate covering a lot of emotion.

The way I see it though- you have two choices!

1. You can stay off your meds, beat the hell out of OM, show your WW that she has sent you crazy and validate her crazy by allowing her to know how much room she has in your head, rent free. You may get away with it, you may get arrested, have a criminal record, maybe even lose yourself so much that you accidentally kill the OM and go to jail for a really long time! Fact is that is not going to take the pain away and it is not going to make your wife love you!

2. You can follow your original plan, pack up her crap, leave it in the garage, front lawn, whatever floats your boat. File for divorce, go back to your doctor and talk about how your meds aren't working, find a friend to use as a shoulder to cry on, continue IC, post here, heal yourself and make yourself ready for the amazing life you can still have! Don't let her consume your life! She has already taken so much from you.

Let yourself feel the pain, cry, scream, break some crap, do it in a safe environment and when you are tired and broken down, come back here and let us help nurse your wounds! Be the man you know you are capable of being, strong but kind and caring! Just don't give it to her any more!

Hugs!


Me: BS 31
WH: 29 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS: 6 months old
Together 10 years, married 2.
DD1: 8th of Jan 2014
DD2: 10th of Jan 2014
NC: 8th of Jan
In hopeful R!

Posts: 301 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost my man you have to stop and reconsider this plan on exacting vengeance with the OM.
It will reflect poorly on you, and make you the bad guy, and make it hard for you to have equal custody of your daughter.

You have every right to hate the OM, but beating the piss out of him does nothing to change the core of who he is, a loser with no morals. Besides at the end of the day it was your STBXW that chose to sleep with him. Be angry with her for throwing what you had away. If he wasn't willing some other douche would have been.

You deserve more, and the best revenge is a life well lived. You being strong, happy, and independent, you having your daughter love and respect her dad because you are a strong good loving father means much more than a black eye and sore rib cage.

Stop. Think.

Carefully act.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8463 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Yes
2. Yes

As I see it I have nothing to lose at this point. They both already ruined my life as I see, for the last 3 years. She is just sitting on her bum, and doesn't give a hoot.

We shall see.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I am just venting... either way this F'ing marriage is over.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 7:46 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I see it I have nothing to lose at this point.

Your daughter.

Lost, I have followed your story. Your WW is all shades of crazy and if you go cave man on the OM I have absolutely no doubt she would take that to the bank and restrict your access to your daughter.

Breathe. Big deep breaths. Don't loose yourself.

Integrity, dignity, strength.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I see it I have nothing to lose at this point.

Vent away. But as BBT pointed out you have your daughter to lose.

Even more importantly, your daughter has you to lose.

yop

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 7:49 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2059 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
RomanticInnocenc
♀ Member
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen to BBT! Are you really going to leave your daughter with the crazy that is your wife? She needs you more then anything, to love her, to make the hard decisions for her, to live... For her! Show her what love really is so that she can one day find a man like her father, loving, loyal, caring and willing to do what it takes to be there for her!


Me: BS 31
WH: 29 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS: 6 months old
Together 10 years, married 2.
DD1: 8th of Jan 2014
DD2: 10th of Jan 2014
NC: 8th of Jan
In hopeful R!

Posts: 301 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost, your marriage is over, but your life isn't.

YOU need to step up and be the best dad to your daughter who is caught up in this mess. YOU need to be the responsible parent here, and yes, you can lose her if you do anything to OM.

You are very young, you have an ENTIRE life ahead of you. Divorce is not the end, it is the beginning of a life full of peace and happiness without all this drama you have endured. For you, Lost, life truly begins NOW. You have not had a life in a long time, start thinking about your future sans your wife.

Continue being a man of integrity and honesty.

((((Hugs))))


Posts: 7520 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please feel free to vent, but know that if you give into the anger, and act rashly that you are only hurting yourself.

You chose to try and try and try. Do not be angry at her or him because you were more than willing to attempt R. Be angry at the gift she threw away.

You have nothing to lose? Really....Stop for a second and think about that one. That's just childish, fear speaking.

You are healthy.
You are gainfully employed.
You have your home.
You have a wonderful perfect daughter.
You have friends and support.
You have the ability to heal yourself, and become a more complete man than you ever knew you could be.

Those are all things to loose, and in my book fairly significant things.

Vent, call names, write cathartic angry words, but remember anything you act in anger about will certainly hurt one person, your daughter deserves better than that dad.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8463 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. I really just hate this life...


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You now have the chance to create a new life...do it.

It's the best revenge.

You are worth it.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 36
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