[This message edited by doggiediva at 8:11 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]
I am going to F UP OM#1.
Don't go to jail because of her, that won't do any good for you.
Status - In D.
In divorce, things can get ugly fast particularly when someone acts the way you are talking about. Judges don't like it and you stand to lose a lot including access to your child. How much worse would a scenario be where WW is living in your house with your child and you aren't allowed anywhere near it?
Keep yourself busy right now. Take a careful inventory of everything left in the home and everything she took with her. Photograph everything left in the home. If she took things of value, and you have photographs of those, find them. At that point, if there are things that are hers separate them, pack them up and leave them for her to take. Either a) email her a time the items will be sitting outside, but reiterate this is not an invitation for communication, so no response is necessary unless she cannot come at that time and wants to request a different time. If this is too difficult then, b) find someone else who can arrange this. Whatever you do, keep it all in writing.
Lost, keep your temper. All it takes is WW recording one phone call or voicemail from you where you lose it for her to make a case that you are a danger to your child. Do NOT give her ammunition.
I thought I'd better mention this quickly. Did you wean off your med./meds.? Need to do it slowly. Don't go off suddenly or it'll really mess you up with withdrawal side effects. They're very uncomfortable to the point of scary and you could end up in the ER in bad shape. Am not exaggerating.
Otherwise, good luck. Still try to do stress management and keep good people around you for support. Including SI. Strength and hugs.
[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 8:59 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]
As for the anger. It's part of the process. I was pissed off for months after STBXWW moved out. It was the pent up anger that you didn't realize was in you. My advice, join a gym and then go beat the shit out of some weights, the treadmill, the heavy bag, some classes, or the pool until you are dead tired. Then sit back for about 30 seconds as the anger wells up again and keep going until you are ready to pass out again. Redirect the anger into something positive for you. If the gym isn't your thing find something that is. Running, biking, hiking, painting, singing, dancing something to let the energy out in a constructive manner. The physical outlet will give you a release and on the plus side it helps with the sleeping and eating. I physically wore myself out and I burned up so much energy I had no choice but to eat and sleep.
The anger phase will set you free Lost Samurai. It's impossible to walk on eggshells when you are angry. Your stbxww comes at you with some bullshit you have no problem telling her exactly how you feel because you no longer give a shit. This is all part of the process as well. Just try to use the anger as fuel in areas of your life that can be positively impacted.
Personally, I would recommend just having all communication through email.
You can't just pretend she doesn't exist, you have a child together, and you have a household to split up, that takes some communication. But from this day forward you treat her just as business partner. Free of emotion. Not someone you like, not someone you hate, just someone you choose to tolerate because you don't have any other choice.
Take 7yrsflushed advice regarding anger management (not the hefty bagging her stuff, because I do think literally throwing her crap onto the curb could come back to bite you in the divorce). You need to feel the anger, but letting it consume you or acting out is just letting her continue to control you. Stop letting her be the puppet master.
Do not harm the OM. You will be the one who gets charged with assault.
It's not fair, but it's the way it is.
Also, don't even let him think he bothers you that much.
As far as I am concerned the other women is like gum on my shoe. Worthless. I just scrape it off and forget about it.
Anyone who knowingly dates a married person, has no self esteem and is very self absorbed.
[This message edited by seethelight at 10:45 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]
It's totally normal to HAVE revenge fantasies, but it's a completely different ballgame when you act on them.
If you look in NB, there was a post about a guy who beat up the OM. Perhaps you should read the responses in there for some help.
Honestly, you can't keep blaming your WW for everything. YOU control YOURSELF.
It's completely unfair what she has done to you, but you have to try to take the high road here.
I was recently posting with someone down in D/S who admitted she was feeling resentment towards her child that was born during the affair, and now she's a single mom with an infant. I'm wondering if you are resenting your child, too. Sometimes it just sounds like you are willing to throw everything away instead of fighting for her. You KNOW she has a fucked up mother, so why in God's name aren't you stepping up to the plate more for her?!? Show that poor girl what NORMAL looks like!!
And seriously, go back to the doctor and ask for them to taper you off of what you were on and start you on something new. There are numerous types of antidepressants, and it may take a while to find the one that works best for you.
Buck up LS. I get the sense you've lost your faith, and now you are giving up on everything. You need to STOP with all this negative thinking and work on what you CAN control.
I'm sure you know the Serenity Prayer. You keep saying that one to yourself, and I'll keep sending prayers from my end.
ETA: Here's the link for the post I mentioned that is down in New Beginnings. It was buried on page 3 already.. Lots of good advice in there..
[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 4:04 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]
Pack her stuff as nicely as you can and set it aside and set up a time for her to get it/them.
Both are ok. Be strong my friend!
I am going to take my meds again. I started getting headaches when I stopped. I am not going to act on my revenge plans.
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.