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User Topic: Panic attack over meeting with the L
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to IC this morning. She agrees with the meeting with the lawyer. The fear of D or S has hinged mostly on financial stuff, so now I take that fear away and know what I am looking at.

My appointment with the L is in an hour and I am in a major panic attack. I have already taken meds but they aren't helping. I figured maybe some supportive words from you all will help.

I am going no matter how bad this attack gets and I will be so proud of myself when it's done for doing it by myself. They might think I am a crazy lady but I don't care.

Show me some love SI, I need it.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Breeezy))))

Honey I would go with you if I could. I wish you could feel the strength that we are all sending you.
YOU can do this, and just keep telling yourself, this is not your doing. YOU are better than what he has allowed you to become.

YOU are so very strong. YOU will find happiness again, and when you do, NO ONE will ever be able to steal it from you again.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8100 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much! I was afraid nobody would see this before I had to go.

I do feel the strength from you guys in the last 6 months I have grown so much stronger because of what I found here.

Old Breezy would not have done half of what I have done since finding SI.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that facing facts is always less scary than imagining the monster under the bed. You got this.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8805 | Registered: Jan 2008
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So true. Thank you. It worked I am calming down.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breezy, knowledge is POWER.

Go become empowered.

And YOU'RE my new hero


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are strong. You are taking control of your life and your future. You can do this.

(((breezy)))


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13707 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. Here I go taking all of your strength with me. I will update when I get home.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw thousands of initial client contacts over my 35 plus years in practice and I never once lost one to a heart attack, panic attack, or being frightened to death.

I've told,others here have a list of your legal issues (the lawyer is not a marriage counselor or psychiatrist) which will help you as you'll be armed with knowledge

Suggestions:

Time for contested and uncontested
Fees and costs
Assets and liabilities (approximate ok for now)
Property division
Custody and support if minors involved
Spousal support
Medical insurance coverage
Pension rights
Visitation if minors involved
Role of fault, if any, in the above

Believe it or not, it won't take more than an hour if the lawyer has handled these cases before.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just think of it as, gathering information. You are no obligated to make a decision today. This is just getting knowledge and that's a good thing. Peace to you Breezy..you've got this


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4877 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
oldtimer97
♀ Member
Member # 2365
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Might be too late, but I've never met a lawyer (working for me that is) that I didn't like. I've done a divorce, a financial lawsuit (stemming from the divorce) a few consults when we had plans you pay a monthly fee for (either ourselves or employer paid) a few for the death of my mom, a couple regarding divorcing my current husband now that we live in a different state, well you get the drift.

The lawyers should all be friendly and know you're there to get as much info as you can. Don't get sidetracked on your questions, it's not a social visit, they shouldn't talk your ear off over other things...since each minute with a lawyer is usually being billed. Anyone who gives you bad jives or red flags, go elsewhere unless they are known as the absolute BEST. The bad part about that is they usually have underlings do the majority of the work & you don't hear from them personally, if at all...cause they are the adjudicator, you should see them if it goes to trial. A possible reason, just conjecturing, most attorneys are not adjudicators & don't go into courtrooms. If you have to do a trial, ask how comfortable or experienced they are. This is why you'll see so many attorneys talking with their clients in hallways, cafeterias etc at the courthouse, they are trying to make deals so they can avoid a trial.

[This message edited by oldtimer97 at 2:54 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


FWIW, because of brain damage, I write in storyteller form, so hardly any short posts from me & bad eyesight gives me a 50% edit rate..Apologies in advance!

Posts: 3237 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: Sunny Arizona
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, thank you. Good to know that my odds of dying in the meeting are very low. Lol. Feels like a heart attack though.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
BreatheAgain10
♀ Member
Member # 32657
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breezy, you may be on your way to see your L, but I still want to send you good vibes and strength for what you choose to do from here on out!
I've struggled with panic attacks that developed sometime (gradually) after my last DDay. I've been in group therapy to help me cope with the physical adrenaline symptoms so maybe a couple techniques that work for me can help you next time you feel that outta control adrenaline rush...
Stretching and focused breathing...
Like yoga type poses. Before I was heavily pregnant, my favorite, never fail pose was just to sit on the floor with my legs out in front of me in a V-shape. I would just try to lean over and try to get my face as close to my knees as possible. Now, I'm flexible, but find a pose you like and can do comfortably. Hold a stretch and breathe deeply. This calms the adrenaline response that's responsible for the "fight or flight" feelings.
Another thing that helps calm those anxious feelings is to remind myself that the panicky feelings are just too much adrenaline pumping thru my blood. They won't hurt me and they will go away when i stop feeding them fear. Visualizing a stop sign can help too- just like it does with mind movies.
Hope this helps any!
Good luck and (((Hugs)))

[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 3:04 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


By God's blessing we've survived, but the scars are still tender to the touch.
BW: Me 34yrs FWH: 29yrs
Latest D-Day 04/29/2010
Together: 12yrs Married: 10yrs
DS:16yrs DS:9yrs. DS:Due 6/25/14
Main D-Day that hurts is #4 4/29/10
OW=Yuck!

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Sunny So. Cal.
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much. I made it!!! I did it by myself!!! With support from all of you.

Knowledge is power, I am not as good or as bad off as I thought. Next step is deciding legal separation or D. I got the low down on both. Feeling much better that is for sure.

I panicked the entire time but I made it through and I am so very proud of myself right now.

I still hate my life but today I feel so good.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the old Queen tune "Another One Bites the Dust" didn't happen to come to pass today,,did it.? See, we are all not evil destroyers of truth and justice..

Now he can't bullshit you with the "my lawyer told me we'll destroy you " speech, can he?

When some future poster demonstrates the same reluctance, please tell them while it's not fun, it's not horrible, either. Helps,if they hear it from a layperson.

I often told nervous clients that I knew visiting me for the first time was about as much fun as a trip to the dentist, but way easier than a trip to the undertaker's office.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So true. I feel much better, I should have never put it off so long.

I have a couple of things to do as homework and then talk to her again and things are on their way to a better day.

I will be sure to share my experience with the newbies, I really regret not going earlier.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13707 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
oldtimer97
♀ Member
Member # 2365
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I panicked the entire time but I made it through and I am so very proud of myself right now.

I still hate my life but today I feel so good.

Congratulations! Infidelity, legal separation and/or divorce are all significant emotional events, a rite of passage so to speak, like getting married, having children, the death of a parent or sibling. But from this event(s) you are going to be forced to participate, good or bad, and you will experience a growth & knowledge that wasn't present until this/these event(s). Have confidence that no matter the outcome, you will still come out the better for it in the long run.

Couple of tips for you. Now that you've got one attorney under your belt, unless he already has one of his own locked in. If not, go for as many free consults as you're up for. The reason? Anyone you consult with (if you're in the US) can not take him as a client. Doing so, would be a breech of confidentiality because of your prior consult with them. This is handy knowledge to have if there are some top dog attorneys in your locale. A good place to start would be "mens rights" attorneys.

2nd. Panic attacks. I had a brief spell with either panic attacks or my heart condition. My cardiologist at the time gave me an exercise he said would help for either. Basically you sit in a chair, throw your head down as far between your legs as you can to get the blood flowing there and repeatedly hold your breath for as long as you can (like you do with hiccups) until the attack passes. Mine mysteriously stopped right after I had to perform them @ Walmart in the shoe department Good luck on that & congrats again!


FWIW, because of brain damage, I write in storyteller form, so hardly any short posts from me & bad eyesight gives me a 50% edit rate..Apologies in advance!

Posts: 3237 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: Sunny Arizona
BrokenheartedUK
♀ Member
Member # 43520
Default  Posted: 2:12 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breezy150 you go girl!! You did it! Well done!!

It does feel good when you know where the reality is for you if you decide to divorce. It may not come to that but if you do, you know where you stand.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And you've taken that step.

Hugs!


Dday: 4th of January, 2014
WH 50
BS 49
18 years of marriage...three children
One affair PA/EA

Whatever doesn't kill you...doesn't kill you.


Posts: 140 | Registered: May 2014
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just like I said with each step you will find you are stronger, and happier.

You are an amazing woman, who can get a whole hellofa lot more out of life. Go get it Girl.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8100 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 21
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