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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: After 29 years
♀ Member
Member # 43615
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please try to turn back to God. It is the one place I feel comfort and maybe you will to. We have been through many challenging situations in our life and I have always told my kids you can ask why but don't be upset if you don't get the answer. At some point in our lives we may find out but we have to be prepared if we never know. It is faith that gets you through knowing that God is in control!!!

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jun 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42718
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are going through this terrible pain. Right now you are in shock and you want to believe what they tell you but they lied for years and they continue to lie when confronted. My WH cheated for over 2 years and it has taken almost 2 years to get the total truth. I still think he is hiding some things. Please take care of yourself because even though you can't see it now the pain will start to get better over time. It feels like they ripped your heart out and nothing they say or do makes any sense or difference. Be careful who you confide in and please get a MC because they do help if they are they right one. I saw them first to make sure they shared my values and would not be the non judgment type. Hell yes you need to judge bad behavior.

BS - 61
WH - 67
Married 18 years
In R
6 grown children between us

Her - 3 yr affair w Asian massage girl barely speaks English only has affairs with committed or married men. Scams all of them.
We are in R Who is this man?

Posts: 14 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ Member
Member # 43615
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I pray for everyone that finds a need to use this forum. It has certainly helped me in the last week. I want those who feel hopeless to know that you are at the bottom so look up. It will get better no matter what the outcome is. In my case we have put God back in our lives, he has always been there, just in the back seat, and it is amazing. With advise from those who have been through this nightmare like books to read for both me and my WH we have been able to survive this ordeal. I know that there is still a lot of healing to do but today, the coffee tastes good!

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jun 2014
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH had a 7 year LTA, along with a concurrent 2 year one. My D-Day was a couple of months shy of our 33rd anniversary.

It's frustrating when they withhold the details you need out of self-protection. It's yet another selfish act as they desperately try to stay in control of the mess they chose to create.

I hope you get the answers you need.

BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2012
♀ Member
Member # 43615
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After a pretty good weekend here I am with that knot in my stomach again. The cell phone bill should be online tomorrow and I am nervous about seeing her number on it. The 10 days before d-day are the ones I don't know about. He isn't sure if he talked to her or not which tells me that he probably did. He is trying really hard but there are so many questions I want answered. I'm not sure why but I think I want to know as many details as I can. It is still so hard to believe, when I wake up in the morning for a brief moment I can feel almost normal. Unfortunately this is my new normal.

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jun 2014
♀ Member
Member # 43615
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scubadoo - how is it going? How did you find out about your WH A? Was it an EA or a PA or both? I hope you don't mind my asking, I am just hoping to find out how someone else handled this mess.

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jun 2014
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Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ask ALL your questions and expect him to answer them. Also you will have to ask these same questions over and over again, because it takes time to process all the information. He should be willing to answer over and over without complaint to help you heal. It take 2 - 5 years to heal from infidelity. This doesn't go away in a few months. Is he in it for the LONG haul? No sweeping this under the rug.

If your C doesn't support your getting answers, then get a new C, one who specializes in infidelity. You decide what you need to know. WS doesn't get to decide, he doesn't get to use the excuse it will only cause you pain. That protects him. You need to know what the total deal is you are trying to forgive.

You are offering him a gift if you decide to try R. Don't ever forget that. Some WS's don't want the BS to know the extent of their betrayal, again to protect themselves.

We were M 32 yrs when FWS had his A. We are now 10 yrs out. It can be done, but it is hard work and it takes both of you working together to achieve a new and better M.

BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time." Bionical girl

Posts: 3007 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
♀ Member
Member # 43615
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH sometimes seems irritated with all the questions. I know that he wants me to be through it but I am just starting this swim across the ocean and trying not to drown. It seems like I will never be myself again. I hate the fact that the slightest issue whether it is work or family sends me into a tailspin. I just want to feel happiness again!

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jun 2014
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